If you think this is going to be a political post, you'd be kind of wrong. I think we all know which way I lean (literally and figuratively.) You should also know how much I love Elizabeth Warren, I think she is a fantastic woman and she's every bit as sassy as I would be as a senator. When the senate tried to shut her up with the Coretta Scott King letter, she went outside and read it on facebook live and that is how "nevertheless she persisted" came about. Turtle face extrodinare Mitch McConnell said "she was warned, she was given an explanation, nevertheless she persisted." I'm not on Elizabeth Warren's level of changing the world and fighting the man, but I'm working to get there.
17.1 happened out of the blue. I had planned on not doing the open at all because it was causing me quite a bit of anxiety, and there's no real reason. Which part of the problem if I'm being honest. I can't ever pinpoint what exactly is the issue so I could fix it, it just feels like everything is wrong all at once and there's nothing I can do. Imagine being in a pitch black room with no way to find the light switch, You don't even know where you are, how big the room is, if anyone is there with you, if there are any ledges or obstacles or even if there is a light switch at all. The panic of trying to figure it all out so you can get out, but the fear of what's in the dark is paralyzing at the same time. I'm working on finding the light switch and eventually it wont be so dark all the time. You know what though? I did it. It whooped my ass like I wasn't expecting (you'd think I'd learn by now) but I had a really good judge/coach. Bryan was really kind and very helpful with his strategies and mini-goal setting during the WOD. It made for a much more pleasant experience than I had imagined.
17.2 happened tonight, and I actually teared up in the middle of the workout because I failed on lunges during the second round. My goal was to make it through one round of the workout in the 12 minute cap and I got through the first in 3:23. Lynsey was my judge for this workout and she was absolutely as sweet as can be, she offered to do lunges with me even after she had just done the workout herself. The second round though, that's when the trouble started because I literally couldn't lunge with my left leg, which made me anxious as fuck because there were quite a few people watching, I felt like an elephant on stilts, falling over and not being able to get up, but when I say I couldn't I mean it was physically impossible and I fucking tried so damn hard and then I started tearing up and about the time I told myself to man up, Andy gave me a step so I could sub lunges for step ups which hurried the process up a bit .I got 2 full rounds and 11 step ups (out of 20) in 12 minutes. Is it the top of the leader board? not even close. Did I do my best? absolutely and then some.
I like to say that my worst qualities are my impatience and impulsiveness but I think my best quality is my persistence. Once I decide I'm going to do something, I don't quit. The end goal will always be the same, no matter if I have to change the way I get there. I have two steel rods in my back and that hinders a lot. I don't have the same movement patterns as everyone else and being so overweight right now, that's not helping anything. I am working to correct the problem. I had decided against having the bariatric surgery but I think I'm going to slowly move forward with that process. I have to save 6k for my out of pocket costs + all the appointments, so it's going to take a while but during this time I'm going to work on losing weight anyways. I think the VSG will be my best option, but I'm going to actually take my time before I make any real decisions but the first couple steps are things I need to do anyways, like get a physical with my primary care doctor.
Monday is my volunteer orientation at Haywood Church for their homeless ministry and then I'm going to start volunteering at AHOPE and Manna Food Bank. My heart is so excited, I've wanted nothing more than to spend my life helping people, I just thought a degree was what I needed to do that. Turns out you just need to find the right avenues to start. Eventually my full time job will be in a service role for a non-profit, what sets my soul on fire is the idea of helping someone find permanent housing and get on their feet, setting someone up with nutrition assistance, making sure that children in the foster care system don't have to carry their belongings in a fucking trashbag. THAT is what riles me up and makes me want to change the world, it may never happen, but I won't stop trying.
In everything that I do, I want it to be said "nevertheless, she persisted."
