know what this is?
my first video blog.
you. are. welcome.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
once upon a time, nothing I said made sense.
is there a thing as too much information? maybe. hell I don't know how much you all want to know. Because it's like I'm writing an email to an imaginary audience. so. again I say hi. hello. heller. bonjour. hola.
welcome back to the shit show I call my life. if this doesn't make sense, well, just forget you wasted 10 minutes of your life reading and go on about your day. it's fine.
but actually this week has not been so much a shit show, these last 4 days have been absolutely bangin for my diet and workouts. Except I ate a twix bar yesterday and didn't log it because, as you're about to learn, it's shark week. if you don't know what that means, well, you can go ahead and leave now. Also you know what the nutrition label on a twix wont tell you? how many fucks I didn't give about eating it. I also decided to weigh myself. My incredibly nice landlord didn't ask me any questions when I got my scale back. You know what a horrible idea it is to weigh yourself for the first time in 3 weeks-ish when it's that time? I have a bear in the woods near my house, and he tore up my trashcan (I hope the city of Asheville knows that's not my responsibility) and I think it might have been better for me to go fight him bare handed (see what I did there). I actually feel like I could right now because I am literally so crazy right now. Though, this was way before shark week, it's literally a miracle I haven't gotten shot yet, because I was going to walmart to get some food (like any good ashevillian would do) and this lady whips her car in front of me, pulls 100mph in to a handicapped space and gets out and might as well have been doing walking lunges in to the store and my window was down, and before I stopped myself I yelled "IS IT MENTAL?!" because really, I'm a bitch and I'm going to get shot one day. I also followed a lady on a huffy like 1/4 a mile down Hendersonville road with my horn blaring because she was literally, at FIVE PM ON THE BUSIEST PART OF THE ROAD, riding a HUFFY in the middle of the road. I'm in a Huyndai Santa Fe, I don't know if she knows or not but in "car vs bike" CAR ALWAYS WINS. I just hate people so much and I know people hate me. It's inevitable. I have to get my transmission flushed on Saturday (I feel like I'm flushing like 100 dollars down the shitter) and I just bought the Florida Georgia Line CD I've been buying 1 song at a time. Some things never change.
Anyways, back to the real story. Sans the twix bar yesterday, I've done really well. Macros tracked, and I've pretty much stayed on track. Problem is, I get SO paranoid about not having "enough" left for dinner, I live off poverty macros at work and pre-workout. Like 600 calories from 7a to 6p. Then I end up having a organized binge for dinner. I'm trying to work on that. Darin changed all my workouts because I think I have ADD. I focus so hard at work trying to learn all this insurance stuff and allscripts and when I leave work my brain is fried, so anything that requires any kind of thought it like asking me to solve a rubix cube. Like in a reply to one of my emails, Darin wrote "sonofa" and I seriously racked my brain for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out what that word was and then I laughed out loud when I realized he meant "son of a".......that's the level I was on when I left work today. You know how "two chainz" name is "two chainz"? well other than "lay-z", I refer to myself as "too tired" most days.
welcome back to the shit show I call my life. if this doesn't make sense, well, just forget you wasted 10 minutes of your life reading and go on about your day. it's fine.
but actually this week has not been so much a shit show, these last 4 days have been absolutely bangin for my diet and workouts. Except I ate a twix bar yesterday and didn't log it because, as you're about to learn, it's shark week. if you don't know what that means, well, you can go ahead and leave now. Also you know what the nutrition label on a twix wont tell you? how many fucks I didn't give about eating it. I also decided to weigh myself. My incredibly nice landlord didn't ask me any questions when I got my scale back. You know what a horrible idea it is to weigh yourself for the first time in 3 weeks-ish when it's that time? I have a bear in the woods near my house, and he tore up my trashcan (I hope the city of Asheville knows that's not my responsibility) and I think it might have been better for me to go fight him bare handed (see what I did there). I actually feel like I could right now because I am literally so crazy right now. Though, this was way before shark week, it's literally a miracle I haven't gotten shot yet, because I was going to walmart to get some food (like any good ashevillian would do) and this lady whips her car in front of me, pulls 100mph in to a handicapped space and gets out and might as well have been doing walking lunges in to the store and my window was down, and before I stopped myself I yelled "IS IT MENTAL?!" because really, I'm a bitch and I'm going to get shot one day. I also followed a lady on a huffy like 1/4 a mile down Hendersonville road with my horn blaring because she was literally, at FIVE PM ON THE BUSIEST PART OF THE ROAD, riding a HUFFY in the middle of the road. I'm in a Huyndai Santa Fe, I don't know if she knows or not but in "car vs bike" CAR ALWAYS WINS. I just hate people so much and I know people hate me. It's inevitable. I have to get my transmission flushed on Saturday (I feel like I'm flushing like 100 dollars down the shitter) and I just bought the Florida Georgia Line CD I've been buying 1 song at a time. Some things never change.
Anyways, back to the real story. Sans the twix bar yesterday, I've done really well. Macros tracked, and I've pretty much stayed on track. Problem is, I get SO paranoid about not having "enough" left for dinner, I live off poverty macros at work and pre-workout. Like 600 calories from 7a to 6p. Then I end up having a organized binge for dinner. I'm trying to work on that. Darin changed all my workouts because I think I have ADD. I focus so hard at work trying to learn all this insurance stuff and allscripts and when I leave work my brain is fried, so anything that requires any kind of thought it like asking me to solve a rubix cube. Like in a reply to one of my emails, Darin wrote "sonofa" and I seriously racked my brain for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out what that word was and then I laughed out loud when I realized he meant "son of a".......that's the level I was on when I left work today. You know how "two chainz" name is "two chainz"? well other than "lay-z", I refer to myself as "too tired" most days.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn’t so weird. Don’t lie, I see the world differently than most people do I mean if I didn't would there really be a need for this blog? I wonder if Darin knew what he knows now, if he would still take me on as a client, because I’m sure he didn’t plan on dealing with this level of crazy for almost 2 years now. Which. What. I mean, I’ve only lost like 100 pounds-ish in two years-ish but that’s life. I didn’t gain 100 pounds and I’m sure as shit a lot smarter than I was 2 years ago about what I’m doing. I’ve lost 12 pants sizes and 3 shirt sizes. I would do a from then to now comparison with my pants but a few months ago there was a fire that destroyed this lady’s home (I didn’t know her personally, my friend Jocelyn was the go-between) and she happened to need the size pants I used to wear, so I gave them all away.
Anyways, these blogs never really go in any direction other than everywhere, but that's what's on my mind at the moment. that and what I'm going to eat for dinner. I would pretty much kill a bus full of blind orphans on the way to church for some Chinese food right now. but alas, I will not become a serial killer tonight, unless my neighbor doesn't shut her barking dog up. I might feed it to the bear that's around here somewhere. I'm a horrible human being this week. maybe next week will be better. who knows..
and everyone lived happily ever after and drank all the mountain dew in the world, ate all the strawberry frosted poptarts they could ever imagine and never had to do a bit of cardio. and everyone lived skinnily I mean healthily every after amen.
KBYE.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
adventures abound.
hi. heller. hola. bonjour. whatever the German people say. and the Russians.
welcome back.
I'm sick of the name of this blog and SO SICK of this design. so don't be surprised if I change it by next week and then change it back the week after. I am full of impulsive, believe that. I was considering growing up and getting an actual website. I mean IF (god forbid) I ever do become a trainer, I will likely need a website. oh yeah my test is August 1st...when I was being impulsive, I decided that a test date would make me take this more seriously.....nopeee. I would LOVE to be qualified to help people lose weight and all, but I am so damn lazy and the irony of that is not lost on me. I seriously have got to get it together. I should call this blog get it together because every week I have something else I need to get on the ball about. But no matter what I do, I plan on blogging for a while because I like to write and some of you weirdos think this is funny/enjoy my commentary on life. so without further ado...
This week has been decent, actually. I'm learning to chill the fuck out, slowly but surely. I seriously just can't live in this constant state of stress. I'm not the all around good time I once was. and well, I love that Nessie. She's incredibly witty, funny and she doesn't worry her life away. But sometimes the "well on instagram homegirl lost 100 pounds in 6 months so clearly I'm doing something wrong, better cut out every bit of fun I'm having so I can get on her level" Nessie comes out to play and by play I mean worry about every single meal and every single workout. It's fine to be aware of what you're eating but eating 1 single reese's egg and almost crying about it, is a weeee bit much. It was 1, not the whole pack, and what's done is done. Move on. I've done more good than bad this week, and it all evens out. That's how I'm looking at it. I also haven't been on the scale, but get this. This week at work was ROUGH. I'll spare you all (myself) the details but I fell out of my chair and half the office came running over. After I left work, I decided to go to Old gravy (navy) on airport road to get some new work clothes and decided because I was clearly glutton for punishment today to try on some clothes that generally wouldn't fit, because of the way they're made. I found this bangin black and white maxi skirt that I NEED, but I don't have a top to go with it and a plain tee-shirt top looks weird. So I found a black flowy tank top that buttons down the front, and it fit and I looked smaller in it. Clearly it was made with the magical hairs of Jesus for that all to happen but really. I didn't buy it because who is gonna pay $25 dollars for a tank top?! not this girl.
In other news, my new office doesn't have a cafeteria, so awesome right? no, because they have this thing where they have like 5 places that deliver every day and every day it's different foods. so if you forget your lunch, just order online, and it's delivered at noon. Bad news? it's like 12-15 dollars, for stuff that if you actually went to the restaurant would be maybe 6-8. I made that mistake once last week and will likely not do it again. notice I said likely. I just don't even know what to take for lunch because I suck at life. I know I have to find some decent stuff to snack on, otherwise I'll be starring in an episode of my 600 pound life. There is SO MUCH CANDY to be had, and breakfast pastries and coffee and hot chocolate and god knows I don't drink plain coffee. they also have a mountain dew machine there. awesome, I KNOW RIGHT. bad. bad. bad. for my kidneys, my blood sugar, everything. bad. but so yummy and full of caffeine. and carbs. a bottle has like 60g which is almost half of what I get in a DAY. whooooooops.
So I was creepin around pinterest yesterday, trying to find some good dinner ideas that won't be too hard because like I am not a putter together of things, I'm not a cooker of things either. I ran across this gem:
"you should base the rest of your week on how you do this day" "eat the correct portion sizes, if not a bit smaller" Seriously, what the hell. It is my humble opinion that you shouldn't base the rest of your week on what the fucking scale says. Jesus. I've tried that. It's no bueno. You know what you should do instead? probably not weigh yourself and just do whatever it is you said you were gonna do and move on with your life. If you're paleo'ing, weight watchin, iifyming, whateverrrr. I haven't weighed myself in 3 weeks, but my clothes are feeling a little looser, and while I'm not 100% on my nutrition and workouts, I FEEL better and that's MUCH more important than a number. If the scale doesn't say what you think it should, you shouldn't cut your calories in half and then workout 3 times a day to hit a certain number. Which is what I feel like this is insinuating. And as far as "if not a bit smaller goes", well fuck that too. I mess around with portion sizes so I can fit stuff in my macros, and by stuff I think we all know I mean poptarts, reese cups, ice cream and peanut butter bagels. HOWEVER, all of that fits in this puzzle to equal the numbers I've been given. I'm eating like 155g of protein a day, and then I get like 150g of carbs and 60g of fat, but I'm not being like oh a serving of strawberries is 1 cup. Better only eat 3/4 of a cup because this random ass picture on pinterest said it was a good idea. I don't know why this bothered me as much as it did, probably because like 10 people I follow on pinterest pinned it to their "healthy ideas" board. and I don't like it. and this is my blog. and it's my mouth I can say what I want to. #thanksmiley
Anyways kids, I'm ready for week 2 of my new gig and a vacation haha. I want to go to the beach SO BAD but bad news. fair skinned fran here burns like bacon in about 3 minutes. I don't know what the deal is but I can get sunburned on the drive home from work. And well, I don't love the ocean. Shark Week has scarred me for life. I can't swim that well, and bull sharks can be in knee deep water, and they're the kind that bite you and then bite you again. MY LIFE. I just like the sand, and the pool and being somewhere other than my house. I'm also considering going to a Dana Lin Bailey Warhouse camp. Except it's 9 hours each way to Leesburg, PA. I really. really. really. really. really. want to go. and I may. I mean, I drove myself to Nashville, TN alone...I can make it through like 6 states alone, right?
maybe.
but I did learn something good this week. Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure. and well my life is one big adventure.
adventure is out there. #UPquotesFTW #thatmoviemademeweep
and in my case, adventure is everywhere. but life is more fun that way.
till next week, friends.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
and here we go again.
SO I'M BACK.
and in a good way.
are ya'll sick of the roller coaster yet? yeah, me too.
I spent the weekend sleeping, metcon'ing, reading, watching youtube videos, getting new glasses, living the dream basically.
I'm making teeny tiny baby steps, like getting back in to drinking all my water, tracking my macros and you know, working out like I'm supposed to. some of you may have saw my instagram post about locking up my scale and body fat monitor. if you didn't. well. here it is.
I felt really, really weird this morning not waking up and getting on the scale before I got in the shower. But you know what? the world didn't end because I don't know how much I weigh right now. Honestly I probably don't want to know, because like I said, I haven't been drinking my water so I know I'm holding some. I feel like because my weight loss has been made public, by me/this blog/my instagram, people expect me to know how much I weigh and how much I've lost. Though let me say this, it's fine to know how much you weigh, it's not fine to get obsessive. I actually also have stopped wearing my polar watch. If you follow me on instagram, you've noticed the lack of pictures of my watch. It doesn't mean I haven't gone to the gym, it just means that I have no damn clue how many calories I burned. Which is okay too, I survived quite some time without that watch before and I'll survive now.
ya'll may have seen my IG post about my diet changing too, from eating 400 calories a day to 1800. I realized a little later, that post made it look like I went from eating 365 calories to 980...NOPE. that 980 was just what I was eating up until dinner. It didn't include post workout/dinner/nightly snacks. I think my calories right now are like 1760 or something close to it. The notion of eating 200ish calories a day less than what the FBI or the FBA or CSI or who the fuck ever says to eat 2000 calories a day, and still losing weight is weird, but whateva. My macros allowed me some cake batter ice cream so I'm winning at life at the moment. or on a sugar high. potato/tomato.
I start my new job on Monday and I'm terrified, mostly terrified that I won't learn everything as quickly as I want and no one will like me. but that's neither here nor there.
today has sucked so far, by the way ya'll. I don't know what is wrong with me but I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was pissed I had to get up this morning, and then my legs are still fucking killing me from Monday I resorted to trying to stretch and use the foam roller today and well, it made it no further than touching my IT bands before I was like nope I don't feel like crying in front of all these people. On a scale of 1 to miserable I'm at a solid fuck this. I've mentally checked out of my current job and I want it to be the weekend so bad I could cry. I went to group groove today because someone at the rush thought it would be a bangin idea to change the schedule from zumba and lasted 45 minutes of the hour and said F U C K this. I almost fell, twice, because someone seems to think that THE most complicated dance moves ever are appropriate for group fitness classes. oh ok. no. beginner friendly's ass. I'm sick of people calling me, I'm sick of people needing things from me today. I have a headache (from lack of caffeine I assume) and I am so mean, Satan himself probably can't stand me. Grumpy cat has NOTHING on me today. Nothing.
dress up, show up and never give up...isn't that the quote? hell if I know. I didn't dress up, I barely showed up and I pretty much did give up. But I did learn something from my al-anon meetings (no, i'm not an alcoholic, these are more like support groups for people who have/had someone in their life that was an addict, judge me for going if you want, then kindly fuck off), that there is only enough for today. enough whatever you need. grace, patience, love, understanding, whatever. I have to make it through today, and tomorrow comes with a whole new light.
and in a good way.
are ya'll sick of the roller coaster yet? yeah, me too.
I spent the weekend sleeping, metcon'ing, reading, watching youtube videos, getting new glasses, living the dream basically.
I'm making teeny tiny baby steps, like getting back in to drinking all my water, tracking my macros and you know, working out like I'm supposed to. some of you may have saw my instagram post about locking up my scale and body fat monitor. if you didn't. well. here it is.
ya'll may have seen my IG post about my diet changing too, from eating 400 calories a day to 1800. I realized a little later, that post made it look like I went from eating 365 calories to 980...NOPE. that 980 was just what I was eating up until dinner. It didn't include post workout/dinner/nightly snacks. I think my calories right now are like 1760 or something close to it. The notion of eating 200ish calories a day less than what the FBI or the FBA or CSI or who the fuck ever says to eat 2000 calories a day, and still losing weight is weird, but whateva. My macros allowed me some cake batter ice cream so I'm winning at life at the moment. or on a sugar high. potato/tomato.
I start my new job on Monday and I'm terrified, mostly terrified that I won't learn everything as quickly as I want and no one will like me. but that's neither here nor there.
today has sucked so far, by the way ya'll. I don't know what is wrong with me but I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was pissed I had to get up this morning, and then my legs are still fucking killing me from Monday I resorted to trying to stretch and use the foam roller today and well, it made it no further than touching my IT bands before I was like nope I don't feel like crying in front of all these people. On a scale of 1 to miserable I'm at a solid fuck this. I've mentally checked out of my current job and I want it to be the weekend so bad I could cry. I went to group groove today because someone at the rush thought it would be a bangin idea to change the schedule from zumba and lasted 45 minutes of the hour and said F U C K this. I almost fell, twice, because someone seems to think that THE most complicated dance moves ever are appropriate for group fitness classes. oh ok. no. beginner friendly's ass. I'm sick of people calling me, I'm sick of people needing things from me today. I have a headache (from lack of caffeine I assume) and I am so mean, Satan himself probably can't stand me. Grumpy cat has NOTHING on me today. Nothing.
dress up, show up and never give up...isn't that the quote? hell if I know. I didn't dress up, I barely showed up and I pretty much did give up. But I did learn something from my al-anon meetings (no, i'm not an alcoholic, these are more like support groups for people who have/had someone in their life that was an addict, judge me for going if you want, then kindly fuck off), that there is only enough for today. enough whatever you need. grace, patience, love, understanding, whatever. I have to make it through today, and tomorrow comes with a whole new light.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)