If you think this is going to be a political post, you'd be kind of wrong. I think we all know which way I lean (literally and figuratively.) You should also know how much I love Elizabeth Warren, I think she is a fantastic woman and she's every bit as sassy as I would be as a senator. When the senate tried to shut her up with the Coretta Scott King letter, she went outside and read it on facebook live and that is how "nevertheless she persisted" came about. Turtle face extrodinare Mitch McConnell said "she was warned, she was given an explanation, nevertheless she persisted." I'm not on Elizabeth Warren's level of changing the world and fighting the man, but I'm working to get there.
17.1 happened out of the blue. I had planned on not doing the open at all because it was causing me quite a bit of anxiety, and there's no real reason. Which part of the problem if I'm being honest. I can't ever pinpoint what exactly is the issue so I could fix it, it just feels like everything is wrong all at once and there's nothing I can do. Imagine being in a pitch black room with no way to find the light switch, You don't even know where you are, how big the room is, if anyone is there with you, if there are any ledges or obstacles or even if there is a light switch at all. The panic of trying to figure it all out so you can get out, but the fear of what's in the dark is paralyzing at the same time. I'm working on finding the light switch and eventually it wont be so dark all the time. You know what though? I did it. It whooped my ass like I wasn't expecting (you'd think I'd learn by now) but I had a really good judge/coach. Bryan was really kind and very helpful with his strategies and mini-goal setting during the WOD. It made for a much more pleasant experience than I had imagined.
17.2 happened tonight, and I actually teared up in the middle of the workout because I failed on lunges during the second round. My goal was to make it through one round of the workout in the 12 minute cap and I got through the first in 3:23. Lynsey was my judge for this workout and she was absolutely as sweet as can be, she offered to do lunges with me even after she had just done the workout herself. The second round though, that's when the trouble started because I literally couldn't lunge with my left leg, which made me anxious as fuck because there were quite a few people watching, I felt like an elephant on stilts, falling over and not being able to get up, but when I say I couldn't I mean it was physically impossible and I fucking tried so damn hard and then I started tearing up and about the time I told myself to man up, Andy gave me a step so I could sub lunges for step ups which hurried the process up a bit .I got 2 full rounds and 11 step ups (out of 20) in 12 minutes. Is it the top of the leader board? not even close. Did I do my best? absolutely and then some.
I like to say that my worst qualities are my impatience and impulsiveness but I think my best quality is my persistence. Once I decide I'm going to do something, I don't quit. The end goal will always be the same, no matter if I have to change the way I get there. I have two steel rods in my back and that hinders a lot. I don't have the same movement patterns as everyone else and being so overweight right now, that's not helping anything. I am working to correct the problem. I had decided against having the bariatric surgery but I think I'm going to slowly move forward with that process. I have to save 6k for my out of pocket costs + all the appointments, so it's going to take a while but during this time I'm going to work on losing weight anyways. I think the VSG will be my best option, but I'm going to actually take my time before I make any real decisions but the first couple steps are things I need to do anyways, like get a physical with my primary care doctor.
Monday is my volunteer orientation at Haywood Church for their homeless ministry and then I'm going to start volunteering at AHOPE and Manna Food Bank. My heart is so excited, I've wanted nothing more than to spend my life helping people, I just thought a degree was what I needed to do that. Turns out you just need to find the right avenues to start. Eventually my full time job will be in a service role for a non-profit, what sets my soul on fire is the idea of helping someone find permanent housing and get on their feet, setting someone up with nutrition assistance, making sure that children in the foster care system don't have to carry their belongings in a fucking trashbag. THAT is what riles me up and makes me want to change the world, it may never happen, but I won't stop trying.
In everything that I do, I want it to be said "nevertheless, she persisted."
Friday, March 3, 2017
Friday, February 24, 2017
growing piles.
So, in the last like 10 days a lot has changed.
First of all, I joined Beer City Crossfit. Before anyone starts throwing shade, let me remind you I'm 27, I do what tf I want and I'm not asking for anyone's opinion. I know what you're probably thinking, you have a blog and you're putting everything out there on the internets talkin' bout "I don't want your opinion" like how dumb are you? but here in blogspace, I make the rules. That red "X" up there will shut me up and costs approximately $0.00 to use. After my less than graceful exit from Gold's last week, I kind of realized a couple things. One of them being that I've never really done my own programming or been super successful on my own, and not that I doubt I COULD do it (let's be honest, I do doubt that) but actually carrying it out is another. I worked with Darin for like 2.5/3ish years on and off, then picked up weightlifting under Nick and Tamara and then when I was in IL, I was on my own and that was a shit show. So I talked to some friends who had been to BCCF and decided to email the box info address and ask how good they were at scaling stuff because let's be honest I need to scale tf out of everything, especially because of my back. However, ya'll remember how my shoulder was jacked up? not anymore. They're so. much. better. If this continues, I'm also going to pick up oly again because it will always be my favorite. But anyways. Abby emailed me back and I went to foundations and the rest is history. I've been to like 4 classes and every coach has been absolutely phenomenal about working with me on what I can/can't do and never make me feel like I'm being too much, and I have yet to meet anyone who isn't super friendly.
It all sounds great, right?
enter; anxiety. The part of my brain that I want so badly to shut the fuck up. It takes me a solid 15 minutes every time I go to workout to get out of the car and go in. Then sometimes I spend another 5 in the bathroom giving myself a pep talk about how it's going to be fine, it always is. I don't know why, but in my mind everyone is always wondering what tf I'm doing there, thinking about how I can't do really anything, hell I can't even squat to depth anymore. Box jumps always have to be step ups, I can't do a push up, I can't run because it hurts my knees, so obviously everyone else is clearly wishing I would just go home. Even though the rational part of my brain knows that my experience at the box has been that 1)no one gives a rats ass what I'm doing compared to everyone else and 2)my effort is as valid as everyone else's no matter how much scaling I do or don't do. I also know that making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair, they're actively trying to fix the problem. But that didn't stop me from sitting in my car crying after work because I was so torn on what I wanted to do. When I was ambien'd up earlier this week, I registered for The Open. Fact; if I take my sleep medicine and don't go to sleep when I feel tired, it's VERY much like I'm drunk. I do a lot of things like bully republicans (mostly Ted Cruz and Paul Ryan) on twitter, shop online and register for athletic events well beyond my current abilities. Once I ate half a pan of brownies (woke up with one under my pillow) and had woken my twin sister up to force her to braid my hair that was way too short at the time...so that kind of sleep medicine is what I was hyped up on when I registered. Anyways, there are days like today when my anxiety wins. It's exhausting being in a constant state of worried about everything, and today I needed to come home and lay down after work, so that's what I did. I've been working overtime at work, trying to not eat like a complete jackass and just deal with life.
So that's where I am right now, seemingly where I was 10 days ago, I just didn't burst in to tears at the box. Also, I don't know why I cry about everything. But you know what else is happening? Next Monday I'm going to volunteer orientation for Haywood Street Church to work with their homeless ministry and I am SUPER pumped about that. If I can't make working with the homeless community my full time job (yet), I'm going to start spending a few hours a week/weekend doing what I can. I also am in touch with the food bank around here to start volunteering there too, helping people apply for nutrition assistance. It seems counter productive to put more on my plate, but #priorities. My therapist in IL (whom I miss dearly) and I talked often about growing my pile of good things. You can't always downsize the bad pile, like I can't do anything about my mom having to do chemo for breast cancer or my brother dying, but I can do things that make me happy and help other people. Keep adding to the pile of good and eventually it will outgrow the bad. Focusing more on the things in my control and less on the things outside of it.
So for now, I am going to curl up with Kevin [my cat, for any of my new readers] and catch up on my netflix que.
Thank God it's Friday, ya'll.
xoxo
-Nessie
First of all, I joined Beer City Crossfit. Before anyone starts throwing shade, let me remind you I'm 27, I do what tf I want and I'm not asking for anyone's opinion. I know what you're probably thinking, you have a blog and you're putting everything out there on the internets talkin' bout "I don't want your opinion" like how dumb are you? but here in blogspace, I make the rules. That red "X" up there will shut me up and costs approximately $0.00 to use. After my less than graceful exit from Gold's last week, I kind of realized a couple things. One of them being that I've never really done my own programming or been super successful on my own, and not that I doubt I COULD do it (let's be honest, I do doubt that) but actually carrying it out is another. I worked with Darin for like 2.5/3ish years on and off, then picked up weightlifting under Nick and Tamara and then when I was in IL, I was on my own and that was a shit show. So I talked to some friends who had been to BCCF and decided to email the box info address and ask how good they were at scaling stuff because let's be honest I need to scale tf out of everything, especially because of my back. However, ya'll remember how my shoulder was jacked up? not anymore. They're so. much. better. If this continues, I'm also going to pick up oly again because it will always be my favorite. But anyways. Abby emailed me back and I went to foundations and the rest is history. I've been to like 4 classes and every coach has been absolutely phenomenal about working with me on what I can/can't do and never make me feel like I'm being too much, and I have yet to meet anyone who isn't super friendly.
It all sounds great, right?
enter; anxiety. The part of my brain that I want so badly to shut the fuck up. It takes me a solid 15 minutes every time I go to workout to get out of the car and go in. Then sometimes I spend another 5 in the bathroom giving myself a pep talk about how it's going to be fine, it always is. I don't know why, but in my mind everyone is always wondering what tf I'm doing there, thinking about how I can't do really anything, hell I can't even squat to depth anymore. Box jumps always have to be step ups, I can't do a push up, I can't run because it hurts my knees, so obviously everyone else is clearly wishing I would just go home. Even though the rational part of my brain knows that my experience at the box has been that 1)no one gives a rats ass what I'm doing compared to everyone else and 2)my effort is as valid as everyone else's no matter how much scaling I do or don't do. I also know that making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair, they're actively trying to fix the problem. But that didn't stop me from sitting in my car crying after work because I was so torn on what I wanted to do. When I was ambien'd up earlier this week, I registered for The Open. Fact; if I take my sleep medicine and don't go to sleep when I feel tired, it's VERY much like I'm drunk. I do a lot of things like bully republicans (mostly Ted Cruz and Paul Ryan) on twitter, shop online and register for athletic events well beyond my current abilities. Once I ate half a pan of brownies (woke up with one under my pillow) and had woken my twin sister up to force her to braid my hair that was way too short at the time...so that kind of sleep medicine is what I was hyped up on when I registered. Anyways, there are days like today when my anxiety wins. It's exhausting being in a constant state of worried about everything, and today I needed to come home and lay down after work, so that's what I did. I've been working overtime at work, trying to not eat like a complete jackass and just deal with life.
So that's where I am right now, seemingly where I was 10 days ago, I just didn't burst in to tears at the box. Also, I don't know why I cry about everything. But you know what else is happening? Next Monday I'm going to volunteer orientation for Haywood Street Church to work with their homeless ministry and I am SUPER pumped about that. If I can't make working with the homeless community my full time job (yet), I'm going to start spending a few hours a week/weekend doing what I can. I also am in touch with the food bank around here to start volunteering there too, helping people apply for nutrition assistance. It seems counter productive to put more on my plate, but #priorities. My therapist in IL (whom I miss dearly) and I talked often about growing my pile of good things. You can't always downsize the bad pile, like I can't do anything about my mom having to do chemo for breast cancer or my brother dying, but I can do things that make me happy and help other people. Keep adding to the pile of good and eventually it will outgrow the bad. Focusing more on the things in my control and less on the things outside of it.
So for now, I am going to curl up with Kevin [my cat, for any of my new readers] and catch up on my netflix que.
Thank God it's Friday, ya'll.
xoxo
-Nessie
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
one upon a tonight.
once upon a tonight, I signed up to take "goldsburn" which from my understanding is Gold's version of Orange Theory. Class started at 6 so I checked in at the front desk, signed a liability waiver and changed clothes. I did some warm up cardio and spent a healthy amount of time stretching and walked to the door at 5:55, promptly burst in to tears and left. Why? I don't fucking know. All I know is that I have had a metric fuck ton of shitty stuff happening in the last few weeks and I am tired, stressed out and full of unfiltered anxiety coursing through my veins.
I want to know what happened to me. When I was at my lowest weight, the month my brother died coincidentally, I didn't give a shit to walk in to a group fitness class. I remember I was doing a shoulders/quads/conditioning workout one day and decided I didn't like the conditioning Darin had written (surprise) so I decided I'd take the step class, made it 30 minutes in that and left. No tears included. I didn't think twice about it. I know things are different now, but I am a mess. I feel like I am literally just trying to make it through the day and if I do so without having a nervous breakdown then I call that day a win. I'm so all over the place with everything and I feel like I go 100 miles an hour in 100 different directions.
I'm really tired constantly and I know that's because of a few things, mostly my diet and stress levels. Work is killing me, I've cried 3 times in the last 2 days because I feel so out of my element. I'm not good at dealing with patients especially when they're upset and I feel like I spend half the time talking to them stuttering my way through an explanation that doesn't make sense. I go all in or all out with my diet, tracking every gram of food I sniff or chugging a venti caramel machiatto and eating a donut for breakfast.
Anxiety is a killer, ya'll. I laugh about all the thoughts that go through my head but here's a fun story. I made an appointment for a strategy session with Kevin and I don't mean my cat. I mean Kevin Martin, ya'll remember when I worked with him 3 years ago? trust me, I did. In the midst of trying to sort my life out, I thought it might be a good idea to maybe go back to Plank 1 or 2 times a week. Get back in the swing of things, ya know? The entire drive to plank, which was probably less than 10 minutes from my office, I spent worrying about walking in, talking, and what I'd say if he asked me any variety of questions. You know what happened? I spent an hour and a half discussing things like my goals, what I did for nutrition now, what I wanted out of the experience, can you be healthy if you eat cake, nutrient timing, how many gummy worms constitute a serving, etc, and it felt like I was talking to an old friend. You know what that taught me? apparently nothing because I couldn't even talk to the guy teaching my goldsburn class tonight.
All this sounds like I should spend the money I'm using on a gym membership and get some mental health help, right? right. But unfortunately I have yet to find a therapist in AVL who takes my insurance with office hours I can work with, so that's super fun and by super fun I mean really awful. Asheville is a super underserved population as is, and I have issues finding a therapist WITH health insurance so I can't imagine if you didn't have any.
So here I am, a mess and half per the usual...except now just with random outbursts of tears. Was there a purpose to this entry? not really, it's just nice to get this out of my head and on to paper(blog) and with that, I am off to lay down and try to get some rest.
xoxo
Nessie.
I want to know what happened to me. When I was at my lowest weight, the month my brother died coincidentally, I didn't give a shit to walk in to a group fitness class. I remember I was doing a shoulders/quads/conditioning workout one day and decided I didn't like the conditioning Darin had written (surprise) so I decided I'd take the step class, made it 30 minutes in that and left. No tears included. I didn't think twice about it. I know things are different now, but I am a mess. I feel like I am literally just trying to make it through the day and if I do so without having a nervous breakdown then I call that day a win. I'm so all over the place with everything and I feel like I go 100 miles an hour in 100 different directions.
I'm really tired constantly and I know that's because of a few things, mostly my diet and stress levels. Work is killing me, I've cried 3 times in the last 2 days because I feel so out of my element. I'm not good at dealing with patients especially when they're upset and I feel like I spend half the time talking to them stuttering my way through an explanation that doesn't make sense. I go all in or all out with my diet, tracking every gram of food I sniff or chugging a venti caramel machiatto and eating a donut for breakfast.
Anxiety is a killer, ya'll. I laugh about all the thoughts that go through my head but here's a fun story. I made an appointment for a strategy session with Kevin and I don't mean my cat. I mean Kevin Martin, ya'll remember when I worked with him 3 years ago? trust me, I did. In the midst of trying to sort my life out, I thought it might be a good idea to maybe go back to Plank 1 or 2 times a week. Get back in the swing of things, ya know? The entire drive to plank, which was probably less than 10 minutes from my office, I spent worrying about walking in, talking, and what I'd say if he asked me any variety of questions. You know what happened? I spent an hour and a half discussing things like my goals, what I did for nutrition now, what I wanted out of the experience, can you be healthy if you eat cake, nutrient timing, how many gummy worms constitute a serving, etc, and it felt like I was talking to an old friend. You know what that taught me? apparently nothing because I couldn't even talk to the guy teaching my goldsburn class tonight.
All this sounds like I should spend the money I'm using on a gym membership and get some mental health help, right? right. But unfortunately I have yet to find a therapist in AVL who takes my insurance with office hours I can work with, so that's super fun and by super fun I mean really awful. Asheville is a super underserved population as is, and I have issues finding a therapist WITH health insurance so I can't imagine if you didn't have any.
So here I am, a mess and half per the usual...except now just with random outbursts of tears. Was there a purpose to this entry? not really, it's just nice to get this out of my head and on to paper(blog) and with that, I am off to lay down and try to get some rest.
xoxo
Nessie.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
The Gym in January.
IT'S 2017 YA'LL! and this blog tonight is going to be a real thriller. It's about how to talk to me at the gym and what I need from everyone else at the gym. You know, as an overweight female during this prime gym going season. I'll put in a bullet point list to make everything as clear and concise as possible.
is that easy enough or nah? because based on my recent gym experiences, the answer is "nah" because apparently my being in the gym is cause for people to assume things. Starting with my initial joining, no matter that I said "no thank you" to your supplement package, your Laura-Lynn brand of crossfit classes, and your orientation where "a personal trainer will test your body fat percentage and show you how to increase your fitness routine." It doesn't matter that I explained in no uncertain terms that I don't NEED those things, nor do I WANT either of those things. I'm still expected to sit and listen to you tell me why I do. I know that as an overweight female, I apparently appear as uneducated, unmotivated, and in dire need of some help but let me set the record straight. I am perfectly capable of doing anything that I fucking want to. I spent quite some time working with a fantastic trainer who taught me what I needed to know to be successful in the gym. You know what's stopping me from being the next Dana Lin Bailey? Me. (and scoliosis, but that's not really the point.) The point is, I think big globo gyms could use a crash course in how to fucking LISTEN and RESPECT what people have to say. Do you really think you're helping someone just starting at the gym by trying to coerce them in to buying 300 dollars worth of supplements? because newsflash, you're not.
My next encounters have been with two different bros at the gym. 1 interrupted me to tell me that I was doing skull crushers incorrectly, which, no the fuck I am not. The other time I was interrupted was by another bro who told me that I should do my close grip rows differently, which no the fuck I will not. I don't know what about me working out with headphones in, screams "HEY GIVE ME POINTERS ON HOW TO DO THINGS I'M ALREADY DOING" but I wish I knew. I guess just being in the gym is cause for that. I get it, they probably had at least decent intentions, but I didn't see either of these dudes interrupt another dudes workout to give them some "friendly advice." I understand with the influx of people, there's a lot of encouragement to be nice to new people in the gym. There is a huge difference though, between an encouraging smile, telling someone "hey I saw you doing your squats and that was awesome!" and telling someone what you think they could be doing better when they didn't fucking ask you. I used to scoff at the lady's only room at the gym but now I love it. Because 97% of the time girls don't do that shit to each other, well I haven't had it ever happen to me.
So in conclusion, if you're a regular gym goer and you see someone new, by all means smile and say hello. You don't have to have a full blown conversation and get their training routine, mother's maiden name and street address. You do however, need to keep your trap shut about someone else's training routine unless you see someone doing something neck breaking dangerous. That is in the only time (in my humble opinion) you have any right to speak up and if they tell you to fuck off, then that's when you let natural selection take it's course and thank the gym gods that there will be a squat rack open soon.
may the gains be with you, and the gym bros leave you alone,
xoxo
-Nessie.
- leave me the fuck alone.
is that easy enough or nah? because based on my recent gym experiences, the answer is "nah" because apparently my being in the gym is cause for people to assume things. Starting with my initial joining, no matter that I said "no thank you" to your supplement package, your Laura-Lynn brand of crossfit classes, and your orientation where "a personal trainer will test your body fat percentage and show you how to increase your fitness routine." It doesn't matter that I explained in no uncertain terms that I don't NEED those things, nor do I WANT either of those things. I'm still expected to sit and listen to you tell me why I do. I know that as an overweight female, I apparently appear as uneducated, unmotivated, and in dire need of some help but let me set the record straight. I am perfectly capable of doing anything that I fucking want to. I spent quite some time working with a fantastic trainer who taught me what I needed to know to be successful in the gym. You know what's stopping me from being the next Dana Lin Bailey? Me. (and scoliosis, but that's not really the point.) The point is, I think big globo gyms could use a crash course in how to fucking LISTEN and RESPECT what people have to say. Do you really think you're helping someone just starting at the gym by trying to coerce them in to buying 300 dollars worth of supplements? because newsflash, you're not.
My next encounters have been with two different bros at the gym. 1 interrupted me to tell me that I was doing skull crushers incorrectly, which, no the fuck I am not. The other time I was interrupted was by another bro who told me that I should do my close grip rows differently, which no the fuck I will not. I don't know what about me working out with headphones in, screams "HEY GIVE ME POINTERS ON HOW TO DO THINGS I'M ALREADY DOING" but I wish I knew. I guess just being in the gym is cause for that. I get it, they probably had at least decent intentions, but I didn't see either of these dudes interrupt another dudes workout to give them some "friendly advice." I understand with the influx of people, there's a lot of encouragement to be nice to new people in the gym. There is a huge difference though, between an encouraging smile, telling someone "hey I saw you doing your squats and that was awesome!" and telling someone what you think they could be doing better when they didn't fucking ask you. I used to scoff at the lady's only room at the gym but now I love it. Because 97% of the time girls don't do that shit to each other, well I haven't had it ever happen to me.
So in conclusion, if you're a regular gym goer and you see someone new, by all means smile and say hello. You don't have to have a full blown conversation and get their training routine, mother's maiden name and street address. You do however, need to keep your trap shut about someone else's training routine unless you see someone doing something neck breaking dangerous. That is in the only time (in my humble opinion) you have any right to speak up and if they tell you to fuck off, then that's when you let natural selection take it's course and thank the gym gods that there will be a squat rack open soon.
may the gains be with you, and the gym bros leave you alone,
xoxo
-Nessie.
Monday, December 26, 2016
new year, same sass.
CHRISTMAS IS OVER YA'LL. For Christmas I got a shit ton of makeup and money (my two favorite things) but sleeping past 6am was the best gift of all.
Moving on to more important things, my dashboard for this blog shows me how many times I blogged in each year, and in 2012 I blogged 88 times. This year it's less than 10, so whoops. But when I read back on some of my posts, I noticed a couple things.
Moving on to more important things, my dashboard for this blog shows me how many times I blogged in each year, and in 2012 I blogged 88 times. This year it's less than 10, so whoops. But when I read back on some of my posts, I noticed a couple things.
- I was incredibly hard on myself.
- I was also incredibly mean to myself.
- I whined about push-ups a LOT. and squats.
- I ramble.
- I learned a lot.
I guess with age comes wisdom or whatever the fuck they say (who is "they" anyways?) but I've been trying to lose weight for a little over 5 weeks now. I've lost 12 pounds and I didn't change a whole lot. I went without any kind of pop (when I say "I went without coke" it sounds a lot like I'm talking about cocaine) of any kind. I had some Dr.Pepper a couple days ago but that's been it. My current plan for everything has been kind of a "do the best you can without driving yourself bat shit crazy trying to be perfect" approach. So far so good. I went to the gym and did cardio, have yet to pick up a weight, I don't know if it's because I go to the gym at peak hours and I'm intimated and anxious in a large space with a lot of people or just because I don't want to. I do have a lot more restrictions on what I can do weight-wise with my back the way it is. No mas deadlifts is rule numero uno per my neurosurgeon. If this was 5 years ago I'd probably say fuck it but I've felt the pain that's associated with not doing what you're told. I'm not as hardcore/stupid as I used to be. I'm still debating the weight loss surgery. We'll see though. I ordered myself a nice christmas gift of a polar ft4 in lime green, it was a solid 30 dollars difference between that and the pink one and idgaf about the color. I also got some salted caramel protein, hoping that it doesn't taste like salty ass.
I start classes 1/9 and also a new job. I took a job with Asheville Gastro doing claims management aka what I've been doing the last almost 4 years until I took this job. I'm thinking that between juggling 2 (maybe 3) classes on subject matter I don't know much about with working 40 hours plus trying to get back on my weight loss grind, well, things may get tricky. Time management hasn't been my forte but I guess like everything else, I'm gonna learn how to get good at that too.
So with the new year fast approaching I've been thinking. I don't know if I have resolutions because I'm still the same sassy bitch everyone has come to know and love over the last 5 years. I don't see that changing anytime soon but I do have some more short term goals. They are as follows;
- Have fun. don't make this a drag or a huge source of stress (that's what college is for)
- Be happy. don't let little things control so much of your day.
- Be smart. work smarter AND harder. You don't get the ass you want by sitting on the one you have.
- 3a (i can't make this format change so 4.3a is now officially a number) Stop attending every argument I'm invited to. Be smart about who I choose to engage with. If we're friends on facebook you probably saw where I spent a decent portion of a day arguing over hb2. I let myself get a lot more riled up over it than I should have, but if you've known me for any length of time you know that I am incredibly opinionated and passionate about what I believe in. So 2017 will be a year of chill.
So nothing super exciting happening here except everything changing all at once and I'm trying to prepare myself for that. It's about to be 2017, the year of massive weight loss, healthy habits and 4.0 GPAs. My first instinct, just so yall know, is to say "when pigs fly" to that 4.0 GPA but I'm smart AF, I just have to actually do the work...which also applies to the weight loss thing.
Anywhoozle, I'm off to pack my gym bag and get ready for an exciting week of werk werk werk werk werk.
xoxo,
Vanessa
Thursday, December 8, 2016
here we go again
Hello from North Carolina!
SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING.
1. Fuck Donald Trump. He's literally the worst. My predictions for the next four years include a lot of scandals and wars because this Cheeto Hitler can't handle his own twitter account. He's too busy tweeting about how the theater kids are talking to Mike Pence and SNL is making fun of him. Here's a thought, don't give them so much material you igorant fuckface.
2. I'm going back to school. Back to school, back to school, to prove to dad I'm not a fool... jk it has nothing to do with my parents and everything to do with me being sick of healthcare. Digital Media Technology will be my new program. It seems to be a mix of software development, graphic design and my electives are likely going to be marketing classes. I'm doing two online classes starting in January because I want to avoid going to actual school for as long as possible.
3. I'm having weight loss surgery. I've been thinking about this for a while and talked over everything with my favorite Lindsay. I went to the seminar and signed up, my first real appointment is in January because that's when my deductible and out of pocket costs start over and i'm sure as fuck not paying all this money in December to have it count for nothing in January. I've been actively trying to lose weight because Mission's program makes you lose 5 percent of your weight before they schedule the procedure. I decided on the sleeve instead of gastric bypass, and I'm super nervous and excited about it all. I haven't had any carbonated drinks including diet in almost 2 weeks. I've replaced breakfast with a protein shake, lunch too. Dinner is just a whatever I feel like as long as portions are reasonable. I've lost 10ish pounds but today was a shit show. I'm an emotional eater, but tomorrow will be better. I'm trying to stop with the all in or all out mentality. I'm going to start throwing in 20 minutes, 3x a week, cardio sessions and go from there. Maybe do some lifting if I'm feeling froggy.
4. My mama has cancer. Also fyi tihs list is in no order of importance, duh. Breast cancer, she starts chemo on the 15th. She's going to be just fine, but it's just weird to hear that your mom as cancer. You hear about it happening to other people but you never imagine it to be your own mom.
That's pretty much it. It seems like a lot when I write it out and it is, i guess, but I feel like this is the norm for me. Busy, insane and scary. I'm the same old Nessie I've always been tho, sassy as fuck, obsessing over calories and spending too much time on instagram.
See ya when I see ya, internet friends <3
SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING.
1. Fuck Donald Trump. He's literally the worst. My predictions for the next four years include a lot of scandals and wars because this Cheeto Hitler can't handle his own twitter account. He's too busy tweeting about how the theater kids are talking to Mike Pence and SNL is making fun of him. Here's a thought, don't give them so much material you igorant fuckface.
2. I'm going back to school. Back to school, back to school, to prove to dad I'm not a fool... jk it has nothing to do with my parents and everything to do with me being sick of healthcare. Digital Media Technology will be my new program. It seems to be a mix of software development, graphic design and my electives are likely going to be marketing classes. I'm doing two online classes starting in January because I want to avoid going to actual school for as long as possible.
3. I'm having weight loss surgery. I've been thinking about this for a while and talked over everything with my favorite Lindsay. I went to the seminar and signed up, my first real appointment is in January because that's when my deductible and out of pocket costs start over and i'm sure as fuck not paying all this money in December to have it count for nothing in January. I've been actively trying to lose weight because Mission's program makes you lose 5 percent of your weight before they schedule the procedure. I decided on the sleeve instead of gastric bypass, and I'm super nervous and excited about it all. I haven't had any carbonated drinks including diet in almost 2 weeks. I've replaced breakfast with a protein shake, lunch too. Dinner is just a whatever I feel like as long as portions are reasonable. I've lost 10ish pounds but today was a shit show. I'm an emotional eater, but tomorrow will be better. I'm trying to stop with the all in or all out mentality. I'm going to start throwing in 20 minutes, 3x a week, cardio sessions and go from there. Maybe do some lifting if I'm feeling froggy.
4. My mama has cancer. Also fyi tihs list is in no order of importance, duh. Breast cancer, she starts chemo on the 15th. She's going to be just fine, but it's just weird to hear that your mom as cancer. You hear about it happening to other people but you never imagine it to be your own mom.
That's pretty much it. It seems like a lot when I write it out and it is, i guess, but I feel like this is the norm for me. Busy, insane and scary. I'm the same old Nessie I've always been tho, sassy as fuck, obsessing over calories and spending too much time on instagram.
See ya when I see ya, internet friends <3
Friday, August 19, 2016
guess who's back...back again
I mean if you're looking for the Backstreet Boys, you've come to the wrong place. It's just me!
So remember how back in May I was talkin' bout how happy I was here in Illinois minus missing my friends, family and hometown? well, I'm coming back to Asheville for more than a visit, I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home (I am really in to song lyrics tonight, if you couldn't tell.) As much as I will miss my friends here there really is no place like home. I'll be home mid-September and I was going to start school this fall but chickened out. I'm interested in a degree in social work but the program at ETSU (East Tennessee State) is super competitive and my transcript is rather...well, I guess a good word for it is embarrassing. The only 2 classes I have A's in are literature based research, and get this "success and study skills." LOL. But I didn't want to start classes and then end up quitting (per my usual) halfway through the semester. So I'll start in January and hope for the best.
I was reading through some of my older blogs and can I just say that Jesus and his teen mom Mary, I was incredibly mean to myself. Nothing I ever did was good enough and if I wasn't calling myself a cow, I was complaining about push ups. Which, nothing changing in that area, they're still the worst. I've been doing cardio twice a week for like 20 minutes and then laying in the floor of the gym until I stop wheezing. I use the corporate gym where I work and it's fancy AF. There's usually never anyone in the entire gym when I use it, which is why I can wheeze in the floor without someone calling 911. I mean, is twice a week really enough? probably not, but it's better than 0 times a week. Next thing to get the boot is the Mountain Dew habit. I act like I'm basically snorting cocaine but sugar is super addictive, FYI ya'll. And speaking of ya'll I'll be glad when I get home and people stop asking me where I'm from constantly. I mean, ain't nothin' in the whole wide world like a southern girl but people here act surprised when they realize I'm smart AF (at work smart, not real life smart).
I mean, there really wasn't a point to this blog other than to remind everyone at home that you're not off the hook, I will be back. I'm hoping that once I get back to Asheville and settled I can start going to Gold's gym and doing Zumba again, which was my jam. I also liked the 30 minute spin class I did on Sundays. What's weird is gyms around here don't really have classes, but I'm rambling. So with that, I'm going to make like a baby and head out aka lay on my couch and watch netflix. TGIF, ya'll.
xoxo
-Vanessa
So remember how back in May I was talkin' bout how happy I was here in Illinois minus missing my friends, family and hometown? well, I'm coming back to Asheville for more than a visit, I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home (I am really in to song lyrics tonight, if you couldn't tell.) As much as I will miss my friends here there really is no place like home. I'll be home mid-September and I was going to start school this fall but chickened out. I'm interested in a degree in social work but the program at ETSU (East Tennessee State) is super competitive and my transcript is rather...well, I guess a good word for it is embarrassing. The only 2 classes I have A's in are literature based research, and get this "success and study skills." LOL. But I didn't want to start classes and then end up quitting (per my usual) halfway through the semester. So I'll start in January and hope for the best.
I was reading through some of my older blogs and can I just say that Jesus and his teen mom Mary, I was incredibly mean to myself. Nothing I ever did was good enough and if I wasn't calling myself a cow, I was complaining about push ups. Which, nothing changing in that area, they're still the worst. I've been doing cardio twice a week for like 20 minutes and then laying in the floor of the gym until I stop wheezing. I use the corporate gym where I work and it's fancy AF. There's usually never anyone in the entire gym when I use it, which is why I can wheeze in the floor without someone calling 911. I mean, is twice a week really enough? probably not, but it's better than 0 times a week. Next thing to get the boot is the Mountain Dew habit. I act like I'm basically snorting cocaine but sugar is super addictive, FYI ya'll. And speaking of ya'll I'll be glad when I get home and people stop asking me where I'm from constantly. I mean, ain't nothin' in the whole wide world like a southern girl but people here act surprised when they realize I'm smart AF (at work smart, not real life smart).
I mean, there really wasn't a point to this blog other than to remind everyone at home that you're not off the hook, I will be back. I'm hoping that once I get back to Asheville and settled I can start going to Gold's gym and doing Zumba again, which was my jam. I also liked the 30 minute spin class I did on Sundays. What's weird is gyms around here don't really have classes, but I'm rambling. So with that, I'm going to make like a baby and head out aka lay on my couch and watch netflix. TGIF, ya'll.
xoxo
-Vanessa
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