All by myself.

online program in full force. I got a super thorough plan from Darin Tuesday night and earlier that day I had spent an hour in the gym doing whatever I wanted. Which apparently is over. Oddly enough, that turned in to some incline presses, calf raises which I'm seriously still in pain from, the hulks and then 30 minutes on the elliptical. I figured out why I hated them. I can't focus on 2 things at once. It's legit impossible for me, moving the arms and trying to speed up and not fall off the normal ones is what makes me hate them. I found one at the Y that doesn't have arms, you just hold on to the handles. I've been doing my cardio on that one for the last week, and it's also easier for me to keep my heart rate up with that. This weeks plan includes 4 days of weights, and some form of cardio every day. doin' big thangs. just kidding I still need to lose an obese middle schooler off me before I can even joke about that.

 

I have legit thrown up one time in eleven months. It happened at boot camp, which is how everyone's "I threw up" story starts. Well.  it almost became two during Wednesdays leg workout which by the way is 1 of 2 this week. I. hate. leg. workouts. I only like a few leg exercises. Laying down hamstring curls. end of list. I think the "laying down" part of that is what draws me to them. Also, We ALL know by now how much I hate squats. Wednesdays leg workout included 50 goblet squats. 50. FIFTY. fiddy. cincuenta. 5-0. 5 sets of 10. I also did a total of 150 dead lifts of some sort. Regular dead lifts, Romanian dead lifts and sumo Romanian dead lifts. Which i really didnt mind that, actually. There was some "yes-no" machine action in the middle of the workout...and by that I mean the hip abduction machine. Yes I giggled when I typed that because I find that sort of thing funny because I'm still immature. Surprise. Just kidding if you've followed my blog for any length of time you know I have the mental maturity of a 14 year old boy. After that fresh hell, I had cardio to do. 653 calories incinerated. I'm still dying of leg soreness. Right before the 5th and final round, I had picked up the kettlebell and my legs started shaking like I was going to fall over. I have a total of 80 squats in today's workout. Yeahhhh buddy. We all know I'm looking forward to that. 

 

Yesterday was upper body and it was my favorite so far. Mostly because I looooooove most of those exercises. Mostly the incline press and bicep curls because I'm a tool. I had to maneuver the smith machine bench around because this old lady was legit sitting on the only other bench in the place with a 5 pound weight and she was SERIOUSLY making faces in the mirror. Like she was stretching her face? I don't know. She kept making the "surprise" face and like stretching her neck. Is neck day a thing? I don't know why she needed that 5lb weight either. But I wanted to punch her and be like STAND UP AND DO THAT. you dont need this bench. I do. I can't do the incline press without the incline. At the end of upper body day, there were 50 pull ups...obviously they were assisted because God knows the only thing I can do on a pull up bar is swing back and forth like a massively overweight 5th grader on the monkey bars. I don't know why I thought that would be easy but I was seriously shocked when I almost had to bail at the bottom of the 24th one and now my back is really sore today.

 

My whole everything is sore right now and I'm about to die of sleep deprivation. I have another leg workout + cardio today, Natalie's bridal shower, cheat meal night (R E A D Y for some food I'm not going to give be counting calories and macros on) and 30 minutes of cardio tomorrow, but that's like a wild card, the instructions say "have fun!" so hopefully I can rent just dance 4 from the redbox and get down with my bad self for half an hour and move on with my life tomorrow. and by get down with my bad self I mean mimic an epileptic seizure to some music in the privacy of my living room. In other news, I hate all veggies and the food plan makes me feel like I'm playing a riveting game of IIFYM (if it fits your macros) and losing haha. I'm trying though and it's an adjustment. I have some new goals written out, that no I don't want to share with the class, but I do have 1 main one. I'm around 12-14 pounds away from losing 100 pounds, and I'd like to hit that by July 31st...which is reasonable because that's 8 weeks-ish out. The hardest thing about all this so far has really been pushing myself in the gym. It's harder than I thought it would be but it's been a good learning experience so far. Especially because you know, I'm never going to not exercise again so this is gonna happen for the rest of my life. So better start now! While I'm somewhat young (hello 24th birthday in less than 6 months!) and wild and free. I'm glad I chose online with Darin. While I'm somewhat all by myself, he is still the brains behind this operation, thank God.

 

So there you have it, another exciting installment of this has been going on for 11 months and you're still not funny..give it up. I'm strongly considering a mid-morning nap before I hit the gym and hope it doesn't hit back.

The beginning and the end.

one week later and I'm baaaaaaaaaaack.

 

Kind of.

 

Let's be clear. I feel better today than I have in months. Surgery sucked, but I didn't expect anything less. 4 IV start attempts, and I have some pretty sick bruises on my forearms from that. I like to tell people I got in a fight. Then I remember there's really no logical way I could get a bruise there from a physical altercation and also I would never in my life get in a fight.

 

I got a release from my doctor, and got back to training with Darin today! Unfortunately and I know you all know how disappointed I was about this, squats are out of the question until around the 28th when I get all my stitches out, and that's as much as I'll say about that. I'm so sad. Just kidding that was basically the best part of all this mess...and you know, not having cancer. I got a new polar ft7 heart rater monitor because I've bought legit 50$ worth of batteries for my ft4 so I decided to replace it...and amazon pointed out the ft7 was only $6 dollars more than my replacement AND it came with free 2 day shipping. So I'm the proud new owner of a red one. 523 calories in 53 minutes. doin' werk. Apparently you're supposed to breathe a certain way when you exercise which, what? I can't focus on breathing AND doing seated rows at the same time. I have a hard time counting my own reps. During leg extensions today, Darin said "2 more" and I did one more and said "was that 2?" because I felt like it was. but really. Also in other news I got Eloise (my scale) back. I haven't gotten on it yet because apparently if you don't drink water (I've had about 16 ounces in 3 days) your body starts holding on to all the water and will mess with the number. I'm fighting the urge to weigh now, but I'm going to try to drink my gallon tomorrow and Sunday and then try my luck Monday.

 

Lastly, in other news, I'm moving to training online with Darin. Lots has happened this past week. Looks like I'm gonna be starting at ETSU this fall (or January) for (possibly) audiology (but that requires a commitment to grad school and a 3.75 GPA for the next 2 years) or health care administration and psychology. Thus, I'm probably gonna have to take summer classes, obtain my own car because I'll be a commuter student. There is also lots of new stuff going on at work. I've been working in person with Darin for 11 months (as most of my readers are well aware) and I feel like I'm actually ready to do this on my own...and by on my own I mean still with his workouts and nutrition plans, just with less supervision. I don't need the standing appointment to be motivation for me to hit the gym anymore. The blog will still be here, but it will likely be updated less often and could quite possibly die. But seriously y'all. 80 pounds in 11 months is no small feat and I've learned a ton. I don't really need this blog that much anymore. I love what I'm doing now, and while I love to write, maybe just not as often. My goal is to have lost 100lbs by the end of July, which means I have work to do. So, thanks for reading and being such good blog followers through this mess I call my life. 

Later! Also. This song has been on repeat for hours. Do yourselves a favor and get it on iTunes. 

Actively dying.

So. I'm not really sure where to begin. This could get all out of order or it could not, but like I've said before. If you're here for the fountain of endless useful information I spew out on a bi-weekly basis, you're in the wrong place.

 

I gave Darin my scale to hold on to for a few days, and I already want it back. I've done nothing but be upset the last week every. single. time. I weighed myself, and I KNOW I wouldn't stay off of it during my recovery, so I decided if it's not here, I can't use it. I just want it back because I don't have it. Also though, I weighed myself this morning, but the last pair of pants I bought that are in the smallest size I've worn since my teenage years, are getting too loose. Which, what? I'm not sure what's happening, but it's not a bad thing.

 

Today's workout went as somewhat smoothly as it could as I am too fat for fun for a lot of things, such as burpees. They're slow. 3 rounds. Burpees, chest presses, KB swings and kneeling cleans and presses then some dreadmill time for "active rest"...which let's be clear, I'd rather just rest. I'm a lazy pup as my papaw says, and after the last bit of cleans and presses my face was tingling and I was about to diiiiiiie. I actually thought I might pass out, dramatic as that sounds. The last time my face was tingling like that I was at crossfit and had to lay down. I'm not sure that's not like a neurological problem but whatever. I felt like I was dying. Speaking of about to die. Sometimes I'm a straight up retard and like obsessive compulsive about lists I make. When I make a list, I get shit done. Period. I don't veer off that list, nor do I make changes. Which, I got it, that's bad in cases like this one. My left hip is kiiiiiiilllllllllliiiiiiiinnnnnngggggg me. notice the drawn out spelling. that's to show how much pain I'm kind of in. Like it's a stabbing, constant throb and yesterday on my list "running intervals" happened to be my choice of cardio, so that's what I did. I lasted about 20 minutes before I had to get off the treadmill before I fell. Bad choice. Then, earlier, Darin and I had a conversation about that and he said to quote "foam roll that sucker", I would rather cut my left leg off. I had a few choice words that got somewhat louder than I realized at the Y during that time. I have a twilight reference. Ya'll know when Jane says "pain" and then whoever she's got her beady little red eyes on starts convulsing (in the book it says it's more of a burning pain, not electric like Tanya but I digress) it's kinda like that with me and the foam roller. Anytime it's mentioned I basically just want to fall down on the ground and start convulsing and stay there because I have yet to experience this "the more you do it the less it hurts" situation. lies.

 

Next workout. Friday morning at 6:45. I know I'll be awake so why not make good use of the time before surgery? Darin agreed to see me that early, and it will be my last workout for at least a few days. I'm kinda anxious about everything because all I've heard about is how I'm not going to feel like doing anything. I'm trying to be as positive as I know how to be (if you've followed this blog for any length of time, you know sometimes I take negative Nancy to a whole new level) for at least the time being. My anxiety though has made me extra crazy. Like post workout Monday, I wanted chocolate milk. So I drove to the river ridge CVS and they didn't have any. So obviously that's cause to start crying like my dad just died. Thankfully they make medicine to get that kind of crazy under control. Also ya'll, I'm planning on watching a lot of movies because I hate commercials on TV, except the ones I like, but right now my list includes the Little Rascals and return of the Jedi. If anyone has any suggestions for GOOD movies that aren't gory, please feel free to let me know.

 

Tomorrow is Thursday. Imagine my best "help me" face. My uncle is taking me out to dinner (wherever I want to go) after I get done with work, where my sweet coworkers decided to bring food for me tomorrow. Which means there will most likely not be the best choices made. However, not that this is an excuse or free reign to eat everything with wild abandon, but I've done REALLY well the last week. Like I've been at 1600 calories of good food a day, a gallon of water, and at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. So, I think one day off from the gym isn't going to kill me. At least, I don't PLAN to go to the gym, but I always have clothes just in case.

 

so there you have it. I know I'll probably be out at least a week as Darin is requiring a doctor's written release (smart) and I know Hawes won't give me one for sooner than that. I know you all will be on the edge of your seats waiting for the next mentally stimulating, information filled blog post. But I'm not sure when that will be, so until then, drink some mountain dew for me. I'm out.

Off my game.

Caution. This may turn in to a rant/rambling post with less than the usual amount of actual information. Which is minimal at best. You've been warned.

I generally never feel this way but I 100% feel like I should have cancelled today's workout. I'm stressed out, I feel like I can't focus and I felt like I wasted my time and Darin's. I can't change any of the things I'm super anxious about right now. Like I've gained 4lbs and I know it's the medicine but I feel like eating 392739 times a day isn't helping the matter but I'm not eating brownies all the live long day. It's 98% good food. Like bananas and peanut butter and Greek yogurt and chicken and things of that nature. I'm drinking like a gallon of water a day and I'm working out every single day. I'm doing everything right and I'm super frustrated. I'm considering asking Darin to hold on to my scale until at least I've recovered from surgery so I'll stop spending a good chunk of my morning upset over something my rational mind knows isn't a permanent thing. It sounds like a semi-okay idea now but I'm also attached to it. My hip hurts from running on Saturday and I'm over that whole situation. All I wanted to do was run for a bit and 2 days later my hip still hurts. Over it.

Moving on. Today was an ass kicker and I'm exhausted even more so than normal. I almost threw up, and the I almost said "I quit" about halfway through the second round of treadmill walking, 45 degree pulls, cleans and presses and goblet squats but good news is, I didn't. I wanted to, and honestly I'm usually really not like that. I'm generally stubborn enough that I get shit done no matter what. And if you tell me not to do something I will most likely die trying. I'm just so off my game this week. I'm hoping that a trip to the Y tomorrow sans my sister and time constraints will at least be somewhat fun for me. I went on Saturday and put up 30s on the incline press for 3 sets of 10. Which for some of you reading this may be like me saying I used 5s but that's good for me. I plan on doing everything I love tomorrow and some cardio. I saw an e-card that said "I drink while I do cardio. I call it Bacardio" and yes I laughed for a minute at that one.

Anyways. If you've encountered me and I've not been the treat I normally am, I apologize. I'm working out early Friday morning because obviously I'm nuts buuuut being super exhausted will also help me sleep with the anesthesia. It's unlikely I will blog after Friday mornings session. So. This could or could not be the last for a while. We'll see how I feel Wednesday. And with that, I'm out.
:)

Friday fun.

So. Today makes 14 days with absolutely NO soft drinks or caffeine of any kind. No diet coke, no sweet tea, no anything but chocolate milk or water. Which I'm hoping chocolate milk doesn't have caffeine in it. Oh well.

I finally have a surgery date. May 10th at 10am. I have to be there at 8am (really? We couldn't do this at like 2pm?) I'm kinda super nervous. I mean obviously no one is a fan of surgery but I've had my fair share of them in my short 23 years. Tonsils, gallbladder, spinal fusion and ankle x2 and now this. I'm not super nervous about the procedure but I haaaate the IV start bc it hurts and I have shitty veins. Though this really isn't optional so I guess the only choice I have is to suck it up. I know I won't be sleeping Thursday night so Friday morning I have plans to at least crank out some cardio beforehand. I can't eat or drink but I can chew gum and I looooove the extra rainbow ice cream flavored kind. Speaking of Thursday night, it's a last supper kind of situation because after anesthesia it's legit like 2 days before I even begin to want anything to eat, so I'm thinking I legit may eat some poptarts and a Mountain Dew. Suggestions for an epic dinner are welcome. Dr Hawes said I would be out for 14-18 days, but I'm thinking that's code for 3-5 because I'm young and bounce back quickly. Also I would rather not waste away in my bed doing nothing for 2 weeks. I may not be the next iron woman but I've worked really hard these last 10 months for what muscles I do have and I refuse to lose what progress I have made.

Wednesdays workout was basically shoulder city and by that I mean washing my hair was basically mission impossible. I just put the shampoo in my hand and move my head around. God forbid I move a muscle that hurts. Then Thursday I went to the Y to crank out some cardio and the treadmill I ALWAYS use was "out of order" which I'm sorry what? Get that shit fixed. I have walking to do! I did 45 minutes on the craziest treadmill ever. It only went up by 1/2 mile increments. Like there was no 3.3 speed. Go big or go home I guess. Anywho, today's workout included something we hadn't done in a looooonnnngg time and lets be clear, I was fine without them. Planks. Darin said I made them look easy which they may look that way but I felt weak. Also he twxt me today and asked if I liked grape or mixed berry and refused to tell me what exactly it was for. This "post workout" shot that looked like a 5 hour energy thing but holy mother of pearl. Nasty. It smelled SO FREAKIN BAD. Neither of us actually tasted it but I feel like Taz could throw up something that would taste better. I mean I think we all know I can be the most stubborn person on the planet (still don't have an inhaler) but there's a line. Though I will say I doubt anyone else would be so patient and helpful with my weird food choices and preferences. I really do complain a lot but I really do enjoy my workouts. I got a chocolate milk after my workout and I didn't realize how tired I was. The poor boy running the register almost punched me in the face. THREE TIMES I hit "no" on the card reader when it said "is this amount correct?" When I was purchasing said chocolate milk. He finally did it for me.

Anyways. That's what's happening in the world-o-Vanessa. Not a ton other than complaining and laughing. Per my usual. If I didn't laugh, I'd cry. I think I'm trying insanity on Sunday. So if there's no post on Monday, assume I'm dead. That's all for now!
:)