Poptarts and buggy pushes.

So this is your only warning. I've been snarky as all get out today and I cant really say where this blog is gonna go. Like I don't know what in the world has gotten in to me today but it has been ON since my eyes opened.

Also. I hate going to the dentist. It's always a bad idea no matter how you slice it. I know I needed to go but apparently my mouth is a train wreck (in more ways than 1) and I need my wisdom teeth out, maybe braces but at least a retainer, I need a night guard because I grind my teeth and apparently I have TMJ or something with my jaws. I don't know. I need a new mouth.

I actually wasn't in much of a working out mood today. I was more in a lay down and stay down mood. Tough shit for me though. Today was 1 of 3 in a row. So, today was all cardio all the live long day. Step ups on the box was the beginning. Then we did bike intervals and what I think he called like a buggy push. It was like walking lunges on the treadmill I think. I did the bike intervals first and Darin was like "I want you to get up to (I think) like 24mph" and before I could stop my snark, I was like I bet you do! Jennifer got up to like 34 because obviously she is a beast and I'm a slacker haha. I asked if she was preparing to get on the highway with a bike. Legit question. Then he said we were gonna do a "tobatta round" and I thought he said ciabatta round. Like bread. I wish haha. We did a round of medicine ball slams, cleans and presses, mountain climbers and some dang push ups. Ovvvvveeeerrrrrrrrr. Them. I just can only do like 5 before I'm ready to fall over. After we did 2 merry go rounds of that, I just laid down haha. Then we talked food and he got his prop box out. Which actually I had never though of associating like a deck of cards being 3 ounces of meat. Who knew? Not me. I don't know much anyways just so we're clear. I don't say "yo se nada" for my health. Speaking of food. There literally isn't much I wouldn't do for a pack of strawberry poptarts right now. Seriously. I get home and what do I find? Not some effin poptarts, I'll tell you that. Not a delicious strawberry pastry to be had. I'm really considering going to the gas station near my house for a pack.

Anyways. I was thiiiiiis close to going to the gym this morning to do cardio before work. That's step 1 on the 5 simple steps to becoming a gym unicorn. I need a new animal. I just refuse to say rat. Anyways, I'll think of something. But I'm not sure how many steps but I also have found myself using my food scale more often.

But. For your entertainment below are pictures of me preparing for the dentist then me in the shower. and then a couple pictures I find funny. You're welcome. But let me say, I saw on Pinterest this girl doing "the perfect squat", see below. Um I'm sorry NO ONE LOOKS LIKE THAT DOING A SQUAT AND IF YOU DO YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. I'm just saying.

I'm gonna sleep good tonight, I know that haha. I really do want a poptart.

Bust out the candles.

First of all let me say I'm OVER hurricane sandy. I hate snow. With my entire heart. Annnnd I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. If it snows enough for me to miss work you can bet your last dollar I'm not going to the dentist. But lets also be clear, I've rescheduled my appointment like 3 times already. I'm a straight up child at the dentist. I always try to be brave but I generally can't make it past the waiting room before I start crying. Anxious Annie is my name.

Anyways, so I saw on Facebook Darin was saying the power at O3 was flickering and all workouts were go. Which is sketch to me because I don't do well in the dark. Moving on, I walked on the treadmill and we swapped dental horror stories and then we started with a round of dead lifts, incline press, squats and body weight rows. The minute I stepped up to the bar to start the power went out. Now whyyy couldn't that have happened when I was on the treadmill? God for sure has a sense of humor and my life is his playground. Anyways, we did 2 rounds of that which actually wasn't so bad. I mean it was hard but it wasn't boot camp ridiculous. Then we did another circuit of the seated row, flys, boot strappers (still not my jam) and Romanian dead lifts. I could do RDLs and flys allll day long and be happy to do it. Then we did these cable push and presses which were beyond not my everything. He started out saying its one of the complicated moves in his arsenal, which, that's not my favorite thing to hear. On the 1-10 scale I'd say they were like a 7. Though Darin has figured out my system. Go too high, he ain't buying what you're selling. Too low and you get more weight. It's a delicate situation. He was explaining the push/press and got to the squat part and I couldn't control my face. I'd rather do 1,000,000 of those than go to the dentist tomorrow. Ugh. Can you tell I'm like ready for it to be over? Then we did a 3pt row with 20lbs. It's heavier than it sounds haha. Then we stretched and my hip is still a hot mess. Really though. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best workout ever, today was a solid 8. I didn't love the boot strappers or the cable push/press but 2 out of like 15 isn't bad. Not bad at all. I'm almost converted to the dark side. And by the dark side I mean somewhat enjoying exercising. It's weird to think that I used to (allegedly, Darin brought it up today) give basically everything a 9. I mean I guess because I hadn't done any kind of organized exercise in uh ever.

overall today was excellent.

Though. We moved tomorrows partner shesh till Wednesday so that means 3 in a row for me.

Seriously. I need it to stop snowing. I'm going to charge my phone in case the power goes out. So. The princess (that would be me) lived happily ever after and wasn't sore at all the next day and didn't have to go to the dentist ever again and had a massive library with wonderful books and she got paid to read those books and lay in her bed and eat chips and never gained any weight. She also got to eat poptarts. Strawberry ones with whole milk.

The end.

Here we go again.

I should have known when the "warm up" at boot camp started out with not a dumpster run, oh no, but suicides (i haven't done those since my freshman soccer season in 2003) and boot strappers that today was gonna be gooood times. So after I almost got hypothermia outside, we went inside where the party started.

There were 7 stations, 2 exercises each and one was strength and one was cardio. My favorite. The timing was better than last time because it was 30/20/30 instead of 30/30/30. Jennifer and I started out with everyone's favorite. Push ups and burpees. Bam. Before the second round of push ups I just laid down on the ground. Sometimes you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. I don't know what that has to do with anything. Then there were lunges on the bosu ball and then a lateral hop on the bosu ball. Let me just be extra passive aggressive right now and say I really wouldn't give a hot damn if I never saw those "balls" again. Seriously it's so misleading. Anyways, then there were step ups and for once in my life I didn't just use the lowest/easiest option. I used the middle one the first round and the second I used the highest (Rebecca can't out do me) and the cardio was more lateral hops which kinda turned in to lateral steps haha. Then there were grave diggers (another career choice crossed off my list) and slams (which were my jam because not that they're easy...I'm choosing my words carefully here, but they're not as hard as squats. Which doesn't matter because they're using different muscle groups...never mind). Then we moved on to pliea (stiiiiillll don't know how to spell that) squats with kettlebells, and jumping jacks. They hurt my knees and I have a lot of jack to jump. Idk what I'm saying other than picture a narwhal (see below) with legs doing a jumping jack and bam. That's me. Anyways, then (yes. There was more) we did body weight rows, again, a lot of body weight to row. Which how does that work? When you're skinny they're easier? Oh the unanswered questions of life. Anyways, those with mountain climbers. Then the last stop on this merry go shoot myself in the face, was ANOTHER squat with a raise and high knees. I take what I said a few posts back about not hating squats anymore, back. Repeat all the above one more time.

In all honesty, I didn't hate it though I'm sure I make all this sound so fun. But seriously. I'm actually beginning to somewhat look forward to boot camp.

Also. Confession time. I didn't eat breakfast or anything before boot camp. I think that's like cardinal son #1. Idk if that's cardinal or carnal. One's a bird and football team and the other is something I think Catholics have. I'm really not sure what I'm saying. Anyways, the last few days have been heinous for my diet. Like I haven't even logged my food because its not that I'm eating a lot but its bad, bad choices. Annnnd I haven't gotten on the scale because I'm an avoider. I really don't know why I'm pretending to be catholic and confessing my sins to everyone right now. Ohhhh well. At least I'm not in a box with a creepy man in a dress talking about all this. Enough.

Also while I'm rambling I need it to not snow Tuesday/this week/ever again. I hate snow with my entire heart. It ruins everything. Everything.

I'm off to play hee haw with, well. I think most of you can finish that sentence. And I'm ouuuuut.

The beginning of the end?

So. I've debated on even writing this blog because apparently it's passive aggressive. Which is 100% not my aim. Like I didn't start this blog for any reason other than because I like to write and I had another blog since I was 19 I think. So this could be the last post. I haven't decided. I like writing, it's very helpful for me to get things out and not keep it all in and I like making people laugh. I'm not like offended/upset that anyone said it was passive aggressive, it's just not the point of this blog and now I'm insanely self conscious about it and it makes me feel bad because I don't want to offend anyone (for the most part) and don't want to be "that girl".

So. Today's worked out sucked. I'm still not 100% sure how I survived and how I'm still functioning at this point. We started out with a not so merry go round of dead lifts, push and presses and total body extensions. 3 rounds. 3 long rounds. 9 minutes. I'm not super sure about the timing because I was mostly wondering how much force it would take to knock myself unconscious with a 8lb dumbbell. Had I know what was to follow I most likely would have. Then we did this even less merry go round of goblet squats, push ups, a plank, kettlebell swings, these things where you hold a dumbbell away from you and twist side to side, and I feel like I'm missing something. That was like 35/25 timing. Had we done another round of that I was ready to just say forget it I'll be fat forever. I'm going home to lay in my bed and eat chips and read. Then Darin says "let's do some cardio" and it really took all I had not to just be like um what the hell do you call what we just did?! We did mountain climbers, plank to pike, high knees, jumping jacks and I think this other weird squat where you bring your hands up at the end. I don't know. At that point I was just ready to give up. Like if there's one thing you should know about me is that I generally am pretty type A personality and I'd say I'm high strung. It doesn't take much to upset me as I'm sure you all have figured out. Well during these exercises there were a few times I had to stop because I just couldn't do it anymore and that bothers me beyond belief. Like. I'm not even sure how to put in to words how like. I don't know. I guess embarrassed and frustrated are the two best words. Mostly because I've worked out like 54 times and I feel like I should be able to do better than that.

Then after that ass kicking workout, we go outside and apparently my tire is almost flat. Thank God Jennifer knows how to deal with things like that. I was as lost as Ray Charles on the freeway.

That's just how I feel about things today. Rebecca has too much free time on her hands and put together a before and "now" (I won't say after because no matter what happens I'll never see my highest weight on a scale again. Ever.) picture and suggested I post it. While I'm talking about how I feel, I don't love either picture and I don't feel like there is a ton of difference in them but here's to hoping.

I'm off to lay down and ponder the world and thank God for a 3 day weekend. And yes, I'm aware of how passive aggressive all this sounds but right now I don't care. If I do decide to continue and go to boot camp Saturday, I'll post then. If not, it was fun while it lasted.

Planks and presses and steps oh my.

I don't know what is happening to me but I could eat a 5 pound sack of plain white table sugar right now. I think it's the lack of sugar in my diet these past few days but I could basically drink Hershey's chocolate syrup by the gallon and be happy to do it. But I won't. At least not at the time of this writing.

Today's workout. Well. We started out with partner exercises you can do if you're camping. Weird scenario as I don't camp nor so I plan on pretending to be homeless which is essentially what camping is to me but I assume those exercises were also appropriate if you don't have access to gym equipment. I thought I was a nerd. Nope. Jennifer and Darin beat me by far. They were talking Star Wars and Star Trek and dragon con and everything I don't understand. I had some second hand embarrassment for them at one point. I think it was kinda cool Darin showed us things we could do without gym equipment and such. I would have never thought of any of that haha ever. Then after that we got on the treadmills and walked, then got off and did 15 cleans and presses, walked more, 15 of these L-presses, walked more, 12 squats, walked more then turned them off and did 30 seconds worth of push ups uugggghhhhhhhhhhhh I was hoping we were over those. then a 30 second plank. Uggggggggghhhhhhhhh^487th power. I always forget to breathe and I shake like a cup of jello in an earthquake. Jennifer said she saw this plank challenge on Pinterest and thought about doing it. I saw it too but the thought of "hey. I'm gonna try that never ever crossed my mind. 30 seconds is a long time. Then unfortunately Darin started putting that step together and no good ever comes from that step. Ever. It does nothing but put me in a bad mood. We did step ups with 10 pounds but this one you stepped up, and then you had the weight in your opposite hand and did like a shoulder press. Darin said I made it look easy. No sir. That's called a poker face. One of my many(few) talents is stonewalling. I was cussing up a storm in my head. Jesus was probably like CHILL OUT BRO. anyways. While I did that Jennifer did a seated row and a straight arm pull down. We did 2 merry go rounds of that and called it a day. The best part of today was no stretching haha my hip hurts still. I'm assuming it wasn't a one time order to stretch and ice at night so I'm gonna repeat that tonight before bed which isn't that far away.

I'm kind of not in the best of moods right now and it's weird. I'm typing this post while brownie and I lounge on papaws porch. Well I'm lounging and her spaztastic self is trying to eat bees. I'm 10lbs away from a major milestone and 4lbs away from losing 50lbs. I haven't spent a penny since I got groceries Sunday and I haven't eaten out in almost 3 days which is a record. That's sad but true. Also I have callouses on my hands.

This is my life haha. If brownie doesn't stop trying to eat these bees I'm about to kick her off this lounge chair. And with that, I'm off to wash dishes at my grandparents. Nothing to end a semi-bad day like putting your hands in dirty dish water. Nasty. They really need a legit dishwasher. And I'm ouuuuut.

:)

Sometimes I surprise even myself.

So. Thoughts from the weekend. Charlotte was fun and I didn't miss sweating my face off at boot camp haha but I guess I will be going back on Saturday. I went to the gym Sunday on my own and I basically had the time of my life. There was literally no one else there so I did everything I wanted with no fear of judgement. I don't know what has flipped my switch (as my papaw would say) but I'm beginning to really like working out. I say that though but I also say this, by working out I mean weights. I hate cardio. A lot.

Today's workout. Well, my hip has been hurting still so we started out stretching. Which was mildly uncomfortable and by mildly I mean it sucked. Then I got on the bike and did 2 minutes of that, then a standing row with 80lbs, an incline press with a 12 and then a 30 second plank. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Throw up. Not really. Though Darin did keep increasing the weight on the incline press. Which, I wasn't giddy but I like the incline press actually. I could have done without the planks though. Easily. Then we did everyone's favorite, note the sarcasm, the squat and press. Unlike it's equally hated cousin the push and press, you actually do a real squat and then a shoulder press. With the push and press you can kinda half ass your way through them. Then we turned around and did Romanian dead lifts with something I can't remember. But you pulled your elbows up twords the ceiling. I know this is probably not the place to announce this but I don't hate squats as much as I used to. Listen and listen good though. They aren't my jam but I think there's another exercise that shall remain nameless to protect the innocent from possibly having to do them at her workout tomorrow, that have taken the #1 spot on the "I'd rather throw up and eat it" than do this exercise list. Anyways, after that we commenced working on the gun show which has also become kinda fun because now when I flex there is actually something there haha which I find myself doing often. Does that make me a tool? I feel like it might. Also when we went to the concord mills mall, I went in the Nike and Reebok outlets and I tried on a pair of shorts and found myself judging them based on if I could do squats in them. I was the jackass in the fitting rooms exercising haha. Anyways, then we stretched and called it a day. I'm about to call it a night and go to sleep. But I also just remembered Darin told me to stretch. I mean. It's not like he told me to do 100 squats before I went to bed but I'd almost rather do that than mess with my hip. Ohhhh my life.

Look at me. Eating broccoli 2 times a day, starting to like working out and not hating squats. Sometimes I really do surprise myself. I'm not sure if these weird things on the backs of my legs are muscles or you know, tumors. I'm assuming they're muscles because its bilateral but when I was looking at my legs a little while ago, I noticed them when I stood up straight. Hopefully my assumption is correct.

Anyways. The new twilight comes out November 17th and pandora keeps playing the trailer which only adds to my readiness for the midnight showing of this movie. I'd also mention at this point Darin and I talked movies today and I think that's one thing we will never see eye to eye on. It's because he's so tall and I think it might be weird if he liked the same movies as a 23 year old girl, or if I liked the same movies as a grown man. I've never seen any of the alien movies, Star Trek, Star Wars, star anything but apparently I'm missing out. The only thing I'm missing now though is this movie called the back of my eyelids that's playing in my bed. And with that. I'm out!

:)

My p-p-p-poker face.

Thank heavens it's the weekend. I was over working today. over. it. At like 2:45 I started cleaning and organizing and doing everything but my real job haha.

So. Workout. Apparently it was time to destroy my shoulders again, oddly enough though, there wasn't anything in today's workout (other than toe taps) that I'd rather kill myself than do. We started off with a close grip pull down and these things that Darin said were like reverse cable flys. I don't know, but I didn't hate either of them. We did two sets of those, then this kinda weird like 45 degree lat pull down where I stood and put one foot on the seat and leaned back a little then did a pull down. Then these things that were kinda hulk-ish except your kept your elbows in. Then we did 3 point rows with a 15lb weight, then lucky me, I got a 20lb one for the next set. Oh wait. I lied at the beginning. Then after that we did this thing where I took 2 of these gray balls, pushed them together and then like extended them out infront of me, but you had to like hold your hands on the side. I'm pretty sure I had this perplexed look on my face. simple stuff like that gives me the most trouble and I hated it. I'd rather not do that again. Alllllllllllllll of the above was shoulder stuff, then we did a seated shoulder press and the sides part of fronts and sides. So, here's the thing. While I can be pretty dramatic when I'm writing all this, I really do keep it to a minimum with Darin. I did 10 (I think) of the shoulder presses, and then 10 of the sides thing, and he asked how that was, and I just kind of shrugged (per my usual) and apparently it was supposed to be brutal. which, I mean, I guess it was? This is my life. I'm not good at talking about what I'm feeling in any way, shape, fashion or form. My shoulders were burning but I wasn't about to die. So, then we did another set and after 10, he told me to keep going. I got to about 16ish before I was like umm my arms are real tired. Then he basically told me he needed some drama. If he was going based on my face, we would still be doing them haha. I do have a pretty good poker face, I'm not trying to lie. I ripped off my title from Lady Gaga. I kinda love that song. Anyways,I just don't want to be that girl who signs up for this and complains the whole time. I'd rather not be someone everyone hates to see coming in the door because she's a whiner. No thanks. I signed up for 4/weeks again. Obviously I'm crazy. Or its because I've lost around 7lbs in 3 weeks ish. Then, we moved to the mats and did some toe taps. Then I rolled over and did some alternating crunch where you touch alternate hand to alternate foot. Then I was gonna have to do the thing where you put the stability ball between your feet and lift it but my left hip said uhhhhh huh. you're done. I don't know WHAT is happening but it hurt. Also, my legs hurt from yesterday haha. So he took pity on me and we called it quits and stretched. When I finishing rambling here, my plan is to go take some ibuprofen, stretch (in my bed of course) and put some ice on my hip before I go to bed.

No boot camp tomorrow! I have to say I'm kind of happy about it. I can't WAIT to sleep in for even a little while....but I'm going to Charlotte shopping with Matt, Jer and Becky. I've never been to Charlotte. All my work clothes are like, unwearable because they're too big. Which some people would be like yesssssssss but to me it's kind of obnoxious haha. I've worn them to the bitter end. My khaki pants are literally falling off of me. I mean I guess that's really good, but we'll see. I think we're eating at the cheesecake factory tomorrow, and I hear they don't have the healthiest options however, I've done actually really good this week....and I'll probably make a protein shake for breakfast. I've drank a gallon of water every day but I think Wednesday and today, and I've been higher in calories but the good kind. I also LOVE broccoli, just so we're clear.

Also. Washing skeletoes helps lessen the stank but it is not completely gone. Maybe it's time I invest in some new ones or maybe some real vibrams. We'll see.

I think my ipod has finally bit the big one too. Attached is a picture of what it's doing. Yes, the screen is busted. I dropped it (surprise surprise) and I mean, it still worked up until now...if anyone knows how I can fix it (the white screen) please feel free to let me know.

I can't tell you all how glad I am it's the weekend. I'm reading Argo, since I saw the movie. The book, as always, is way better. Anyways. It's time to stretch and go to bed. see ya on the flip side, suckas.
arriba!

I really don't know what's wrong with me. okay. the end.

=]

One of those days.

Thoughts from the past 2 days.

For some weird reason, now if I don't do some form of organized exercise every day, the whole day I feel like something is missing. Which is precisely why yesterday I went and jogged 6/10ths of a mile. In 20 minutes....that would be like a 40 minute mile hahahah. I don't know why I'm laughing about that. But what I did was this. I timed myself, and it took me right around 2 minutes per lap. The last one was like 2:10, but whatever, anyways, I would rest 30 seconds between laps, but I knew if I just stood there I would end up laying down on the side of the road and my grandparents would think I was dead again, so I decided to do an "active recovery" and danced for 30 seconds to whatever song was playing on my phone at the time. I did lay down on the side of the road when I was done though, until my dog decided to wash my face with her mouth.

Today was one of those days. Like. I woke up angry, I had bad dreams all night and then I didn't want to get up, I was like forget this job, forget everything, I'm just going to stay in bed for the rest of my life, because I never get enough sleep (imagine this for like 20 minutes and this would be the g-rated version...change "forget" with another F word I drop a lot....yeaaaa) and then I finally made myself get up. As the week progresses it takes me longer and longer to get ready. Anyways, I go to walmart because I had an idea for a bangin lunch. Tuna, broccoli and brown rice. Well, because I obviously cant read, I picked up tuna salad. I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate tuna salad. hate. I hate any kind of "salad" that doesn't involve lettuce and such. So, that was a bust. So I decided I'd have brown rice and broccoli. I left the brown rice in the microwave too long. So then I decided I'd just have broccoli. Well, bad news was, the bag I picked up was ALL stems. Like, I think there were maybe 8 pieces of real broccoli. I've said broccoli like 30 times in the past 3 sentences. Anyways, so I had like 8 pieces of the above mentioned vegetable and a granola bar. Sadly that wasn't the end of my day. The bridge going across biltmore ave is open, so I ASSUMED my badge would open it. So I left my office at like 3:30, and went to the bathroom. Well. I wasn't paying attention and went in the boys bathroom and ran straight in to a cardiologist I used to work with up on 5H. Awkward. Then, when I got to the bridge, I tried to open the door. Nope. I got the big ole red flash. So I had to scurry up the steps and back and call the shuttle, which I hate doing

Which leads me to the workout. I am so tired. When I got home, I opened my car door and just sat there for like 10 minutes. I just couldn't psych myself up to get out. We did a lot of leg stuff today. We started out with a 4 exercise merry go round of these side steps, bosu ball burpees (annnnnd here comes the finger gun to the head), mountain climbers (I'm not going to climb a mountain. ever. I don't even want to walk up one. so no gracias to those) and total body extensions. He said "we're gonna do pretty aggressive timing, 40/20" um no that's not "pretty aggressive" that's just straight up aggressive. I guess Jennifer and I didn't look too excited (I challenge you to find someone who WOULD be like giddy to hear those are the choice exercise for the circuit) and Darin was all "I'm excited" or whatever, he who holds the timer would be, and I was like um you're the only one. Sometimes the snark just comes out before I can stop it. After that, we moved on to another circus act of bridges on the bosu ball (I'd like to have a word with whoever invented that), Romanian dead lifts which actually were my favorite of the day, and then split squats on the smith machine. I haaaaaaaate split squats as much as I do tuna salad. Then we did one last circuit of wood choppers with a medicine ball. One of many things Darin/O3 has helped me accomplish is the narrowing down of career choices. I will never in my EVER be a boxer or a effin lumberjack. Anyways, and then this other thing on the leg extension machine (I dont know if that's even what it is was. I'm guessing at this point) where you like, I don't even know what I was doing other than hurting my legs/glutes. You got on all 4s (the most dignified position in the gym. or anywhere, really) and then like lined your foot up with the bar, and pushed back/up. They weren't my jam. at alllllllll. at that point the only thing that would have been my jam would be a nap. Then, we were stretching and we were doing these hamstring/hip flexor stretches, I was doing the opposite of what they were doing and I realized about um halfway through. Hey. I'm the only one doing the hip flexor first. I did all of the above sans a hair bow. Because I'm a jackass and decided "hey. I'm gonna take ALL my hair bows in my office" and then by the time I got to the gym I was like oh snap. Then, after I get to my car, I open my trunk and what do I find? 3 hair bows. I could cry at this point but I'm going to laugh. Because this is my life. All of the above is the norm for me these days.

Oh. And for those of you who are wondering, which I'm sure is the big 0, my skeletoes are finally in the wash. I kicked them off before I got in my car after the workout and I almost died. Like. I legit had to crack a window. It was becoming an issue of national health. Here's to hoping I haven't ruined them. Heaven forbid I have to buy another pair of shoes.

My everything hurts, as per my usual.

That's all of the snark+rambling I can come up with right now. I'm excited to go to bed...as per my usual. I'm going to make an excellent grandmother one day.
annnnnnd I'm out.

=]

Plank patty cake.

Today was verging on fun. Which, milka what?! I know. Though, I'm over shoulder/back exercises because I feel like that's all I've done for the past 38 years. At least there were zero push ups today. Thank. God. And Darin.

We started out today with some ice skaters, side lunges, plank patty cake as Jennifer called it and some effin squats. The plank patty cake wasn't my jam (special thanks to Jennifer for the new name!) because you have to keep up with your partner haha. You hold yourself up in a high plank and then slap hands with your partner, switching sides. It's a rip off of shoulder taps. Lunges are also not my everything. Then we did this merry go round of lat pulldowns, this row I think I've done before, the lawnmower and these weird things that the whole time I felt like I was doing them wrong. twice through that. thennnnnnn we did another go around of the incline press which is kind of my jam, actually. Then these weird things he called some kind of "cross" which lets be clear, I was over them the minute he demonstrated because they felt like they involved a lot more of my shoulder muscles. I mean this all did, but those sucked more than usual. Then the hulks, which I also am beginning to like, and this thing, it was only supposed to be the "cleans" part of the clean and press but I felt like a)a jackass and b)like I was missing something. So I added the press part. Which was more work on my part but it felt more natural. My shoulders are so tired. Like, every time I try to raise my arms up above my head now, my arms start shaking like a cup of jello in an earthquake and I immediately want to put them down. Then we did 2 fun filled rounds of flutter kicks, transverse crunches/left side, straight leg raises, transverse crunch/right side. My stomach hurts now haha. Such a sad life I lead.

Know what I'm gonna be hearing in my sleep? That damn timer beeping.

In other news, I've actually lost 2 pounds (45 to date) and I've literally drank a gallon of water today. More than a gallon, actually. 5 of my 32 ounce nalgene bottles. I think the only other thing I've ever drank a gallon of was mountain dew, but that was only a 2 liter, soooooooooo I'm not sure that's really a gallon but I'm not good with the metric system or whatever we have going on here in America. Yes, I did graduate high school and have sporadically attended college. Lets keep the judging to a minimum.

Also. guess who's off work tomorrow? this girl. I plan on sleeping in and then Jer and I are having a picture party. But for now. I'm off to find dinner before I starve to death. I was gonna grill some chicken but it's frozen rock solid. Like, it won't be thawed anytime before Christmas 2022.

I wish I was as witty I was when I started this blog, but I think all this muscle (yeah right) is affecting my quick wit. I don't know what I'm saying so I'm going to stop talking.
so.
kbye.

=]

Once upon a treadmill.

So. Here comes another installment of why is she still blogging?!

How much fun can be packed in 45 minutes time? well, I'll tell you. Really though. The rational part of my brain says W.T.F. is wrong with you?! like, why do you look forward to this?! and then the "I want to be skinny" part of my brain says, um because you've lost 45 pounds and you've never lost 45 pounds in your whole life! also, you're beginning to feel kinda strong. You couldn't have found a better personal trainer if you interviewed half of America, nor a better gym than O3.

I did a lot today. A lot. Once upon a treadmill, we started with walking on an incline (here's where the finger gun to my head happens) and then after so long, I left the treadmill running, got off, then did 10 squats (here's where I have a finger gun to my temple, and one in my mouth), got back on for longer, and I think we bumped up the incline (no gracias) and then got off again, did 10 squats, then bumped up the speed (again, no gracias) then we did 20 seconds of kettlebell swings, more treadmill, then kettlebell swings again. then we were finally done with that. I have a partner sesh with Jennifer tomorrow and I'd realllllllllllllllllllllly rather we not repeat that. Then we moved on to this thing I forgot what he called, but you lay down on the ground, and take a 12lb weight and hold it up, then let it fall back above your head, I mean, you control it on the way down above your head. Then you pull it back up, then do a CPR style crunch with it. I got like 8 of those before I was having issues with my right shoulder. It felt like it was popping and it wasn't my jam. Then I think we did these things called "windmills" which, I'm going to start a "I dont know how I feel about this" list of exercises that are automatically given a "7" on the 1-10 scale and they're going to be #1 and I think the exercise we did before that are going to be #2. Darin finally figured out that a 7 is my default answer when I don't really have an answer. You can't go too low on the scale or you get more weight/reps, and if you go too high, he generally doesn't buy what you're selling. Moving on before I sing like a caged bird and tell all my secrets, I'm trying to remember what came after that. It all kinda ran together. I think after those we did some push ups. I really wish I knew how to say "I hate push ups" in spanish because I would. I'd ask Rebecca but I'm pretty sure she failed her spanish midterm today. Sisterly encouragement at it's finest. Anyways, just a little extra something to convey how sick I am of them. I seriously don't want to push anything anywhere anytime anyplace ever again. Especially my body weight because God knows there's enough of that to push. SERIOUSLY. I really just feel like typing it again for emphasis. OVER. THEM. Anyways, then we did these plank to pikes or something. He lost me at "plank", but you get in a low plank position (insert finger gun) and then you like roll up on your toes where your hips are in the air, but I was just trying not to fall over and crash down like Godzilla destroying New York. My blog is all out of order today because we did so much. We did some standing leg curls, which I didn't hate. They were kinda weird but I didn't hate them which is as good as it gets with me. Then we did this thing where you take a plate weight and lift it up where you can see through the hole, then back down, then this thing that was like a reverse curl and then you pushed it above your head. If you thought I'd be done after that, you would be wrong. Then. I got on the bike and had to pedal half a mile for time. It was like 1 minute 35 seconds, and then we did some more of those stupid curl/press things (my shoulders/arms were over it) then I got back on the bike and did another half mile with more resistance (yeah, I saw that!) and then that was the grand finale. He said I looked pissed/sick, but I was neither of the two. I should probably work on looking a little more happy. I really wasn't mad. Tired was more the word I would use. Well. exhausted. I'm planning on a before 8pm bedtime. Lets not judge. I'm really just a 23 year old baby. I tell my mom sometimes that I'm just a 276 month old baby. She agrees. which, by the way, that's a TON of months. I'm old.

Anyways, I just finished my third bottle of water, and by third bottle I mean third 32 ounce bottle. I'm going to put in a work order to move my office to the bathroom tomorrow. Too far? I don't know. People tell me they love my blog because of my honesty, and well there it is. I've also had like 800 calories already today of good food. And today is the first day since I can't tell you when that I've eaten no fast food/take out. I had honey nut cheerios for breakfast, a banana, then an open faced sandwich with chicken on it, a cup of pineapples, sun chips (one of the 100 calories bags) and a granola bar. Rebecca's kind soul is making grilled chicken and brown rice. Here's to hoping she doesn't burn the house down. I know what some of you are thinking, instead of being snarky about it, why dont you go help? well the answer is simple. I'm lazy.

And that's all the snarky I have left in me for today. I have a headache (I feel like it's a caffeine/not having a soft drink one), and well, I just need to eat dinner before my muscle soreness sets in because I feel like I won't be able to life my fork soon(is that a bad thing? maybe not) but tomorrow is gonna be one of those days I need to make an extended straw to drink out of my water bottle. The race to eat dinner, shower, and get in bed is on.

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I'm out.

=]

Well that sucked.

I knew this was coming, as did you all.

What you may ask? the reapperance of my breakfast. boot camp was a bitch, to be blunt. Yeah, I went there. But Darin started it. I made it through the whole thing and when we were stretching at the end, you know that feeling you get right when you KNOW you're about to make pavement pizza? I got it. And scurried to the bathroom just in time. It wasn't a violent situation, but lets just say that egg white protein powder+milk+a banana doesn't taste even half as good the second time around. and for some reason directly after, I've been so thirsty. I've literally drank 32 ounces of H2O (water for those of us who live under rocks and didn't take 2nd grade chemistry) in the last hour.

But enough about that.

Boot camp. My friends picked a good one to miss. Thankfully there were approximately zero dumpster runs because it was wayyyy too cold outside for all that mess. After we warmed up, the whole situation went like this. 2 exercises per station. you did the first one for 30 seconds, the second for 30, and then back to the first one for 30 seconds. So 90 seconds of non-stop go time. I think Darin picked every exercise that I've ever said I hated and threw it in one boot camp, sans the surrenders, thank. God. Jennifer and I started at station #2, which was bosu ball burpees and total body extensions. I hadn't done a BBB in a while and I forgot how much they sucked. I remembered in approximately 3 seconds why I had them on the list of exercises I'd rather cut out my beating heart with a rusty box cutter than do. Then there were push and presses and knuckleheads, then prison squats and boot strappers which, let me say I've tried really hard to keep my the aforementioned list at at maximum of 5 items so I wouldn't seem so unreasonable. However. that's over. If you've followed this blog for any amount of time, you know that reasonable isn't a great word to describe me haha. Unreasonable, dramatic, judgemental, stubborn, rude, lazy, those all fit. but anyways, exercise #6 would be boot strappers. My legs were on fiiiiiiyah after that one. Then, directly after that were kettlebell swings and figure 8s. Which, I hate kettlebell swings too, and figure 8s with anything more than 15lbs is kiiiinda pushing it. Then there were step ups and knee ins, and then slams and push ups. I'M OVER PUSH UPS. I dont want to push anything anywhere anymore. ever. everrrrrrrrrr. Again. I wish I didn't look like the south end of a north bound donkey or I'd show you all my "forget this" (this would be the radio edit) face. Some people focus on thriving at boot camp. I focus on surviving. Though I will say I am kinda impressed with being able to get through the first round without stopping. Not to say I did 30 squats in 30 seconds but I didn't have to stop haha. I know why when I first asked Darin about boot camp in June he said hold off. I literally most likely would have died or never came back to the gym had I experienced that early on in my gym unicorn career. I refuse to say rat, because they're nasty.

Anyways. the point is, I'm still alive kind of. You know the lifehouse song that's like "i'm still alive but i'm barely breathing" if there was a soundtrack for boot camp, that would be it. Also. I hate everything, but I'm going to sleep REAL good tonight.

annnnnnnnnd I'm out!
=]

Shoulder pains and shoe stank.

Thoughts that don't really pertain to anything this blog should be about.... Yesterday was just a bad day, and you know what I learned? not much other than I say things I probably shouldn't when I'm in a bad mood and life is never as bad as I think. I'm not standing in line for food at the ABCCM, I drive a pretty nice car and my family is alive and well mostly. Things could be a lost worse. My personal trainer made me do exercises I didn't like. #realfirstworldproblems. Today was a new day, and it was pretty okay. I wasn't expecting like heaven on earth so when the bar is set low, things generally turn out pretty okay. I got up, went and let Rebecca draw blood from me, worked from like 10-1, then was going to get my nose repierced but decided to wait because I was scared to walk downtown by myself because I was afraid I would get lost. I decided to wash my car at the gorilla car wash on tunnel...um that carwash is the things nightmares are made of. You drive up and there's this man directing you how to get your wheels in line with the track, then all you see is him, then your car is like covered in brushes and you literally can't see anything, and you have no control over the car. I was scared, like no lie. I wasn't sure what was about to happen. But then Rebecca and I hung out with Alyssa pre-workout. Then I worked out, had dinner with my precious daddy, and now I'm finally home.

Now. on to the important things. today's workout. My shoulders were/are sore. First thing we did other than the standard treadmill/high knees/etc. Shoulder/arm stuff. Buuuuut we only did like three things twice through, which was completely fine with me. then we moved on to balance and stretching. I always make refrences to how bad my balance is, but apparently it's not as bad as I make it sound. Though, standing on one leg passing a 2.5lb ball hand to hand isn't as hard as walking on flat ground, obviously. I stumble all the time haha. Then we did this "tree pose" i think. I kinda felt like a cow on stilts. Stretching is kind of my favorite exercise. Sometimes when I'm laying in bed I'll find myself stretching my legs, or I'll hang my head off the side of my bed and let my arms dangle. If I'm feeling especially adventerous I might do a crunch or two (I know what you're thinking. whoa! don't get too crazy. I know. It only happens once in a blue moon). That's the best place to do them, in the comfort of your bed. I got some new zebra sheets and they are my everything. But anyways, I'm trying to remember what I did today. I sometimes wonder where I come up with this stuff, but today we were doing this stretch where you're on your knees, you put one arm out on a stability ball, and then like push your shoulder twords the ground (that's what i was doing, if it was what I was supposed to be doing or not is another story for another day) and stay there. For some reason, all I could think about was what would happen/how funny it would be if someone just kicked the ball out from under your arm. All in all, today was 100% better than yesterday. Other than trying to figure out how to get my skeletoe stank gone. It smells like a rabid animal has taken up residence in my shoes and has then died, and it's rotten corpse has been in there for a week during the summer in Texas. Supposedly I can wash them, I'm gonna give that a whirl tomorrow and hope for the best.

Now. Boot camp tomorrow may be an entirely different story from my "things are better" song and dance. I had to stop at walmart and get bananas for a protein shake for breakfast tomorrow. More #firstworldproblems. Here's the problem I'm having. You're supposed to eat 60-90 minutes before boot camp/exercise. That would put me finishing whatever I'm having at 7:30. Since I'm not really running the hot mess express in the morning because everyone is driving themselves, by my calculations I could sleep until 730........see where I'm going with this? sleep until 730 or eat breakfast/not do a lateral cookie toss all over God's creation tomorrow. I'm still on the fence about that.

Also. 2 things. #1, I'm attaching pictures I find funny. thank you pinterest. #2. I hear boot camp is going to be rough tomorrow. Now that you all have wasted 10 minutes of your life reading about mine, I guess I should shut up. Thanks for all the nice comments on the rudest blog post I've ever written haha. That's all for now, but we all know I can't workout and not blog about it, so we'll see if I survive tomorrow. If there's no post, someone please give my papaw the stash of chewing gum I have in the trunk of my car.

annnnnnnnnnd i'm out.
=]

A swift kick in the face.

So, when I write these, I try to be as honest as possible. In general I try to keep it rated G or PG-13 at best. This may get rated "R" for strong language. That's the only warning you get, other than if you decide to email/facebook/call/text me and say a word to me about my language, you're going to get more language than you're bargaining for. Believe that. It's just best for everyone if you're easily offended, just leave now.

That being said, today sucked harder than a 2 dollar whore on nickel night. I'm not sure if it was because I was in a kinda shitty mood from this atrocious haircut and all I heard all day is "oh did you get a haircut?" no. I washed it in the shower and it shrank. That's what I've been dying to say to people all day, but that's rude. I also hate when people tell me "oh it looks good". Whatever. Not to discount everyone else's opinion but Edward Scissor hands is apparently working at the Asheville mall these days and this isn't what I asked for. However. tears and bitching don't make my hair grow any faster. So I just have to deal with it. It was also a full house at O3 today which isn't my jam. I don't like working out with an audience. I know everyone was doing their own thing, but I'm just weird. Anyways. So. I did three sets of these shoulder things. One was a pull down, straight arm pulls and these things that reminded me of starting a lawn mower. That was legit. Then. We did this circuit of figure 8s, push and presses, slams and squats. We did it twice through. then we did it another 2 times through and I was ready to just say fuck this. I quit. That was legit the closest I've came to that. I also felt the rumbling of the leftovers of my burrito from Moes trying to make it's way back up. At that point my already iffy attitude took a downhill turn. He said "lets go outside" but it was just to get some air. He asked what the "easiest" exercise of that was and Jennifer said squats because there wasn't any weights. There was plenty of weight to squat. plennnnnnnty. I don't think I really answered because I was being a brat. Sadly though, when we went inside and did some step ups and push ups. If I have to do one more push up, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I can cut one arm off 127 hours style but I'll have to find a willing participant to cut the other. I think I was supposed to do fifteen, the first time I did, then I think I got 10 before I thought I was going to die. That happened a couple of times today, actually. I hate push and presses as much as pretty much anything at this point. If I never did another one, I'd be completely fine with that. At this point, I'm over exercising in general. When I got out of my car when I got home, my first thought was "ow" and "seriously? fuck my life". At this moment, I dont care how much weight I've lost or about anything other than going to bed. Today has been rough and I'm over it.

I feel kind of better now that I've gotten all this out. I'm coping with the fact that when I get in the shower, I may not be able to wash what little hair I have left and I wont feel great in the morning. I feel like this post is a necessary evil in that some people seem to think this whole journey is just pupple snuggles and unicorn blessings and that since I've lost "so much weight" it should be "easier" now. No. Its not. I still want foods that I know are super bad for me. I miss mountain dews something awful. This sucks right now and while I'm on this whole rant, I'm over food logging. 120 days of it. I don't really care to know how many calories half a cup of 2% milk has in it, but I know because I've logged it 100 days of the 120. It's 61 if anyone is interested. Now. Let's also be clear. I've done entirely too much and stuck with this wayyy too long to give up now. I'm tired of starting over trying to lose weight because the next time I start over will be with gastric bypass. So. I go to bed on the note that tomorrow is a new day. and hopefully it comes with a new attitude.

Special thanks to Jennifer Champion and Darin Starr for putting up with my attitude and not giving me a swift kick in the face even though I absolutely deserved it today.

goodbye and goodnight.

Sound the alarm.

I'm glad you all find this blog so amusing. People have text me/told me all day how funny it was. When I sit down to write these, I just type like I'm talking to my best friend and then hit "publish". So if there are grammar/spelling errors, tough. I'm too lazy to actually do anything other than run spell check.

Oh. and to the judgmental gas station store clerk giving me the side eye for buying an almond joy in my gym clothes...you were JUST outside smoking. look at your life, look at your choices. Should you really be judging me? didn't think so. So what if I just worked out?! I've had a really long day and all I wanted was an almond joy. I only ate half of it, AND I logged it. So suck on that.

And my skeletoes are getting some serious STANK to them. I'm not sure if I can put them in the washing machine or not, but seriously. nasty.

So, on to the main point of this blog. My workout. It was partner sesh #5 I believe. We started out with some circuits and my ladar was BLARING by the end. It was all I could do to hear Darin telling me what to do. We did some "ice skaters", squats (this is me with a pretend gun to my head), these weird side lunges, push ups and total body extensions. Have I mentioned how much I hate push ups lately? because I do. I have a lot of weight to push. Annnnd my pushing muscles hurt. I feel like that's all I've used these past few workouts. Then we did this circuit with the kettlebells. Swings, then medicine ball slams, then Romanian dead lifts. At that point, I was faiiiiiiiirly sure I was about to throw up. Then we did this weird rack row that wasn't my everything. My back was kind of hurting twords the end, so I was over any kind of anything that required effort haha. We did like 4 sets of those, then we did this bench press type of thing. My pushers hurt and have had enough, and by "pushers" I mean the muscles right above my arm pits. I guess that would be my shoulder? I dont know. I got through a set of 10 that were pretty willy nilly, and my shoulder kept popping which hasn't ever happened before. Then, I got through like 6 of the next set before I couldn't do anymore. I kinda hate pushing to the point of failure because I'm so type A/high strung about things, I don't like failure even if it doesn't have a "negative" connotation to it. I'm not going to think about it anymore. Anyways, then Darin demonstrated this thing I think he called some kind of "developer" but it looked more like he was auditioning to be the center ring attraction for the circus. It also looked a wee bit dangerous. Good news is, doubt I'll be doing that any time soon.

I'm all over sore right now. Legs. abs. arms. shoulders. back. and I have a headache. I believe it's a caffeine headache because I haven't had any form of anything other than water today and I haven't had a ton of that. almost 2 bottles. I was in bed before 8 last night and it's looking like we're about to have a repeat of that.

I got my flu shot today (not by my choice. Mission requires them or they fire you without a religious/medical exemption) and my right arm is killing me. Good news is, I'm off from the gym tomorrow but for some really insane reason right now, I'm thinking about texting Jennifer and asking if she wants to go to Mission's gym with me. I would ask Darin to write a workout but last time Jennifer did, she got one with 120 squats and I think we ALL know how that would end for me. badly. I may though. I'm not sure what I'm going to do at the time of this writing actually. Other than get my narwhal sized self in the shower. with that, I say goodbye.

the end. tune in Thursday night for the next installment of the princess diaries. that's what I feel like this is haha.

=]

Hit me with your best shot.

The title has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about today, I'm listening to the pitch perfect soundtrack and it's on that song haha. I really do have an iTunes problem. Seriously. If there was ever a time to stage an intervention, now would be it.

I almost wrecked my car on Sunday looking at my arm muscles. So to the driver of the white hummer (which by the way, do you know that we're in what's called a recession and gas is like 4 dollars a gallon?! Honda civics are much cheaper than that tank you're driving in more way than one, sir. You're probably polluting more than me so I could give you the same finger and horn), but I do so deeply apologize. But who can blame me when you have guns like these? I really don't know what my problem is right now.

So. Workout. let me also just say first, I think we've skipped from summer straight to winter. Say goodbye to fall. I'm freezing my face off right now. Okay. I'm really going to get better at staying on subject. So. I walked on the treadmill per my usual, then we did this set of push ups (ovvvvvvvvveeeerrrrrrrr them), body weight rows, and then these crunches where I had to like put my left ankle on my right knee, then lift my right foot off the ground, then do these crunches. Then these other leg things, we did 2 sets of all that. I feel like the push up bar got a lot lower than last time, but I can't be sure. Then we did figure 8s with a kettlebell. Which, I think I'm going to name them as the exercise of the day. Mostly because once I figured out what I was doing, they weren't THAT bad. We did them for a minute, twice. Good cardio. I hate cardio. Then we, and yet again by we I mean me, did this thing where I took that big red ball between my feet, and raised it up, then I had to use the 10lb medicine ball and pull it up. After the first round, he gave me the 12. I'm really going to have to start just acting like a straight up jackwagon and acting like everything is really hard. I think it would be funny to watch, but I doubt he'd believe me. Don't get me wrong, stuff is hard, but somehow I usually end up with heavier weights than I would like. During the second round, after I lifted the red ball, I was kinda like oh shit. this just got real haha. I told him I felt like there was a Duggar child in there, and then I had to explain about the Duggar's. I talked the entire time I was doing the exercise, which I think is a first. I get emails about my blog from people I don't know. Most of them are really sweet, but some are rude, and to those I either reply just as rudely (I know, me, rude?! ha) or ignore them. I don't know if any of you aren't aware but this is America, and I'm free to write about whatever I want, using what ever vocabulary I chose to use. What I do in the gym is hard work and if I so choose to use a word you don't like, you have two options. Move on and enjoy the entertainment, or there's a little red "x" at the top of your browser. Feel free to use it. Or "alt+f4" works pretty well too. Darin and I talked about that today, and I was laying on the ground, and he looked like a giant from where I was. It's all about perspective. Haha, I actually think I talked more today than I have ever. I got a 80s rock music education today, and just a second ago, I watched the "November rain" video by guns n roses on youtube. seriously. guns n roses is basically a group of the ugliest men on the planet. I have no idea which one is axel rose (which, great name by the way) and which is slash, but fix your hair, first things first. and that song lasts approximately way too long. Anyways, back on topic. After we did what felt like 402,598 of the ab exercises, the return of the wood choppers was among us. He was like "know what we haven't done in a while" and I KNEW (I think I have a 5th sense about stuff like this) what he was about to say. So I said, if it's wood choppers I'm going to throw up. He thought I was serious, but no, I was just being a drama queen. I don't hate them as much as I remember, but they still aren't my everything. They don't really bother me other than making me dizzy. Breaking news! this just in. Off set Romanian dead lifts have replaced wood choppers on my top 5 list of exercises I'd rather amputate my right leg with a rusty pizza cutter than do. He changed the weight in the second set and tried to pretend he didn't know what I was talking about. I might be retarded when it comes to basically everything in life, but I do know when I'm being made to do more work than before. My ladar (my lazy radar) was blasting in my head. Yes, I have one of those. It develops later in life when you love sleeping more than anything else, and you'd rather watch something you hate on TV rather than get up and change the channel because you're actually too lazy to replace the batteries in the remote. I take lazy to a level unmatched by any other human on the planet. I really shouldn't share this (but really, when has that stopped me any other time?) but there was some stuff on my glasses, so I licked them because honestly that was my first instinct, and now I'm about to throw up because I've sprayed cleaner on them all day (I clean my glasses around 100 times a day) and so I basically licked Windex. I wonder how many calories that has in it? ha. I'm so tired.

Anyways, after the wood choppers, we stretched and called it a day. Now I'm trying to convince myself that 7:30 is entirely too early to go to bed. I haven't done too bad with my diet lately, if that's what you want to call it. I call it picking at food at random times of the day. I need to stop stopping at subway on my way to work and eat my dang cereal. But I actually think my milk went out of date today.........that's a problem. Anyways, I'm going to roll up like a burrito in my bed and hope I don't freeze to death before the morning. I could turn up the heat in my house, but that requires more effort than I'm willing to exert. I wish I had a burrito for dinner.

Sometimes I wonder if everyone else's mind works like mine? feel free to answer. You won't hurt my feelings.

kbye.
=]

That was um, fun?

up until this point, I don't know that I've ever used the word "fun" for boot camp or really any of my sessions with Darin. But boot camp this morning was actually really fun. It was really rough, but still.

Becky, Me, Matt, Jennifer Champion, Jennifer Mabry, Natalie, Amber and Candice came together, and this really nice lady named Sue came, and I kinda felt sorry for her because we were pretty obnoxious. I think one of my favorite parts of boot camp was when Matt was doing the push and press, stopped, then Darin asked what he was doing and he said "taking a break". I love the honesty.

We started out outside (which, burr!) and me being the genius I am, wore my tank top. I even stepped outside this morning and said "burr bad idea!" but I didn't change. So I can't really blame anyone but myself. Anyways, we went outside and did the standard butt kickers/high knees/etc. and squats -_- Then, because the heavens smiled down upon me, we only did one dumpster run. Then, the heavens said "HA! early April fools joke" because then we did this thing where we had to get in a "quarter squat" and walk backwards, then we had to do it sideways. I felt like a complete jackwagon. Then we went inside where as usual, the real fun began. The first station was Romanian dead lifts (not the ridiculous ones I did yesterday, thank God), the second was mountain climbers, then a 3 point row, burpees (ugh), push and press (I can't with those. there really just aren't words), and "split squats" which, lets call a spade a spade, those were lunges. He had numbered all the station and somehow, at the end, 6 out of 9 people were doing mountain climbers at the same time. I really don't know how that happened. The push and press was with these bars this time, and each bar was weighted differently, and somehow I ended up with the heaviest. I did approximately 5 of them in like 40 seconds. Not only had I already done push and presses yesterday, that bar was approximately 492 times heavier than the weight I used previously. After we went through everything twice, which let me just add, 10-15 seconds is not a break. It's enough time to THINK you're going to be okay, then you realize it was a cruel joke. But after we did 2 normal rounds, we did a 3rd, but we didn't have to do everything twice. It was just once. Though, when Jennifer and I were doing burpees, he yelled "switch" halfway through, for the people who were doing like the 3 pt rows/"split squats" on one side, and I thought we were changing stations, then Jennifer was like not yet! and I didn't know what to do, so I just yelled "what is happening?!" I think I got 3 "burpees" which, lets be clear, mine are so sad. but I tried and I think I'm supposed to think "and that's what counts". It isn't what counts. Haha, Natalie was complaining about how heavy the weights were for the 3 pt rows, and Darin said something like weights are supposed to be heavy, and then Jennifer said "that's what I tried to tell my doctor" hahahahaa. We were doing the split squats and I think it was a 10 second break between sets, and Jennifer said something along the lines of "make every 10 seconds count" or something like that, it was very inspirational at the time. After all that, we stretched. I dont have the best balance, and I told Jennifer Mabry if I fell over, it would be like a domino effect and it would have been epic.

I cant tell if my hair is still wet from my shower this morning before boot camp, or sweat. I think I'm going to take another shower. Also. I think we all know when I write stuff like this, I really dont have any shame, so you as a reader of this blog should know that my butt muscles are absolutely killing me. I went to subway after boot camp, the one in weaverville, and I walked up to the 4 steps and I took one step up, realized that was a terrible idea, and walked up the handicap ramp. At least I was walking up an incline :) I prefer to put a positive spin on things when it benefits me and my lazy. speaking of. It's that time again. by that time I mean nap time. Tune in Monday for another installment of "is she ever going to shut up?!". Spoiler alert; probably not.

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Insanity.

You know how in the beginning of one of the twilight books, Bella starts out with a quote about death being easy? (I believe it's the first one. I'm losing my touch. I used to know those books like the back of my hand). Well. I'm dying. kind of.

I really do wonder how Darin comes up with this stuff and by stuff I mean these absolutely insane combination of exercises that no one in their right mind could cook up. Shaun T or whatever his name is has nothing on Darin Starr. Nothing.

Today was rough, to say the least. Annnnnnnnd here I sit, making carpool plans for boot camp. I told Darin boot camp was a solid maybe, but I think we all know by now I'm crazy as can be and will be there. Especially since I have some fabulous friends to accompany me.

Today started off with cardio. [insert excited face here] because I certainly wasn't excited. Cleans and presses on my right side, cleans and presses on the left, push and presses and then these ins and outs with that dang medicine ball. 2 rounds with 30/15 timing which, lets be clear, is stillllllllllllll not my jam. The first sets of cleans and presses were fine, but round 2 I was not ready for. Directly after that, we moved on to offset Romanian dead lifts. Which, let me be blunt, blow. They absolutely destroy my legs. I like to think I hid this pretty well today, but after we did them, I could only do 7 on each side, I literally couldn't stand up. I leaned against the wall so I wouldn't look like a complete weakling. which, lets be honest, we all know I am. Then we did some rack dead lifts, and he got a little too carried away with the weight and I couldn't lift it. Don't worry though, he adjusted it and I got to do 3 sets of them. I was worried I wouldn't get to do them all. I feel like at times my sarcasm is tangible. Then we some "super/stupid sets" that were kinda like the straight arm pulls except you tuck your elbows in, and the others you were pulling down with a different grip. Sadly, that wasn't all we did today. We then moved on to abs. We did these transverse crunches (right knee, left elbow) and CPR's and instead of having my hands in the air be empty, I got a 10lb medicine ball. I guess that's so if Jesus needs super forceful CPR I'll be prepared. too far? I don't know anymore. Today I don't feel like doing anything, I just wanna lay in my bed. Bruno Mars sums up my life better than this recap. I'd say the exercise of the day were the straight arm pulls/the other thing I don't know the name of. I feel like all I do in this blog is complain, which, I mean I guess that's true, but like I've said before. If I didn't get some sort of weird satisfaction out of accomplishing all this, a)I would have quit loooooooonnnnnnnggggg ago and b)I wouldn't be recruiting people to come to boot camp with me. I also have this weird habit of kind of you know, not talking to Darin during our sessions. Jennifer even said Thursday, "I wish Vanessa talked more". I said, me too. haha. One day I'll grow up.

So, after I buy the guns n roses "appetite for destruction" album on iTunes. Guess what I found out? my dad has them all. wish I could say I was surprised.

Boot camp is going to be dicey tomorrow, I can already tell. What I call my "pusher" muscles, are already sore, and my legs are becoming that way. I'm hoping some ibuprofen and some sleep will help with that. Whatever though. I'm FINALLY out of the 40lb purgatory and I'm at 44 lbs lost, I think.

I discovered the "free books" category on iBooks today and well, I think we all know what I'm going to do right now. Lay in my bed and read. pending survival of boot camp, there may or may not be another post tomorrow. I know you're all anxiously awaiting that literary masterpiece. so that's all for now!
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Birthday Workouts.

I'm 23 years old. Finally. Today has been pretty fabulous. I slept in, had a birthday breakfast at ihop with becky and kalynn, then rebecca and I hung around with my grandparents, I napped and watched the creepiest episode of criminal minds EVER (this psychatrist was killing his patients using their worst fear) and then worked out, and now it's almost time to go to Hickory Tavern! =]

So, birthday workout. Darin was tap dancing on the whole "single handedly ruining my birthday" line. Haha, i'm being dramatic. We did the incline thing on the treadmill again, and then some effin squats with like 40lbs. They were pliea or however you spell it, squats. Which, if it's a squat, I'm over it. Beyond over it. I'm over treadmills and bikes and kettlebells and squats and ugh. lions and tigers and bears oh my. I'm so weird. Anyways, then we did some straight arm pulls and some kind of row. Straight arm pulls were my favorite of the day. Like the quote of the day Jennifer and I used to have (which I'm still mortified about after I realized what she was talking about today) I'm going to start an exercise of the day. Lets just get this out of the way, squats will never make that list. Nor will surrenders, planks, bosu ball burpees or wood choppers. I haven't done any of the BBBs in a while and I really shouldn't be bringing that up. whatever. Anyways, then we did push ups and I hate push ups. I hate everything it sounds like. I'm just lazy. There was this thing on pinterest that was like "i got 99 chores and I ain't done 1, lay-z" ... welcome to my entire life. moving on. afterwords we stretched, and thats when I basically announced what a retard I am by telling the stevie wonder story in my music history class. I mean, how was I supposed to know he was blind? I know some douchebags who wear sunglasses indoors. A few of them were actually in my music class, so I just assumed thats what he was doing. I wish I had a tape of Darin and Jennifer laughing. I'm pretty sure they were thinking "seriously, how does this girl get herself dressed in the morning?". If you guys who read this on a regular basis haven't figured this out yet, I'm really easy to get off subject. But the whole workout overall wasn't as bad I may have lead you all to believe at the beginning. Jennifer got me a birthday present. A really nice card for a male child that she marked out, and then some ibuprofen and icy hot. She is nothing if not thoughtful. I will absolutley use both of them. The card said on the inside "there were some really nice adult cards but I couldn't bend over to get them" hahaha. Darin got me a cute card that had a straw in it, clever, (refer to the post that had the picture of all the straws so I didn't have to pick up my water bottle) and Karen surprised me and left me a massive bottle of wine and a card at the gym. I wasn't expecting that at allllllllll.

Anyways, I'm off to get my party on. Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeee! oh, and becky.
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Becoming the hulk.

I am so stinkin sore from yesterday. Never again will I take for granted the ability to walk pain-free. I put ice packs on my legs last night in hopes that would help this morning. nope. And after today my arms will be in the same situation.

partner workout #3. I would say it was ALMOST fun. Almost. The gym was rearranged when I came in and it kinda blew my mind a little. But anyways, we walked on the treadmill, then Darin told me to get on the bike and I kinda was like ughhhhhh. but then Jennifer did the squat/slam thing I did yesterday and I was okay with being on the bike haha. more than okay, actually. So while I was pedaling to the Netherlands, Jennifer was sweating her face off. Then we moved on to dead lifts, which, I was over that before it even began. My. legs. hurt. When things on me hurt, I know this is bad and shame on me and all that jazz, but I usually try to stay as still as possible/lay in my bed a lot, and let nature take it's course. We did what felt like to be 985 sets each of them and we did a "lightening round", and anything "fast" isn't my everything. I like slow. I'm slow in general. I didn't know Stevie Wonder was blind until I took a music history class and made a complete jackass out of myself in Dr. Jenkin's class one fine Wednesday morning. Anyways, after we did like 482,980 dead lifts, we moved to doing what are now known as "cable flys" but I still call them "the hulks" because that's exactly what I picture him doing for a workout. Those and lat pulldowns, back to back in "super sets", or what I call "stupid sets" in my head. Jennifer said the weight was light annnnnnnd truth be told I did too, a little. The third set of the hulks were rough for me. Sadly after alllllllll that we still weren't done. We went to the mats and I saw the timer on his phone and if you, like I, guessed we were doing planks, you, like I, would be wrong. We did something better than planks. Shoulder taps. When a regular plank just isn't cutting it, why not make things 10x more difficult? I had done them at boot camp and hated them, and I did them today and still hated them. Jennifer asked me if I'd done them before, and I explained at boot camp and she asked how they went. I answered as honestly as I knew how and said terrible. Darin said I was being dramatic, which could be true, but I'm going to pretend it's not and just go with the fact that shoulder taps suck. Then we did these ab things where you touch opposite hand to opposite foot crunch type things. I would have been fine if we had just laid on the floor for the rest of the time. All I'm saying is that I'm lazy and I know it. On the way home, my right bicep (or where a bicep would be on a normal person) was trembling. I like to think that's the result of the hulks and me becoming the hulk. However, as of the time of this writing I'm still plain old Vanessa.

I had chocolate cake for breakfast.

There. I said it. I can't log that on myfitnesspal because I know that was a bad decison. I left my breakfast in my car and wasn't about to get on the shuttle-o-death AGAIN to get it....and the cake was just there on my desk. It was only a small piece. And that is me justifying bad choices. Well. Trying to.

I also have an itunes/iphone problem. I dropped it today for the first time and I really do think that must be what a mom feels like when she drops her infant. I assume every baby gets dropped. It may have just been me. Well. Don't tell my mom I said that because I'm not sure if I was really dropped. I can only assume by the way I talk and act, it's the only explanation. Anyways, I also bought a guns n roses album today. It was 10 freakin dollars too. I said it was like 30 years old but apparently it's like 24. potato/tomato. old is old, and it shouldn't cost an arm and a leg since it's an antique. Moving on.

I have a partner workout on my birthday. Good thing I like Darin and Jennifer or that would suck haha. I'm glad I have tomorrow off from working out...if only I didn't have to work. Then life would be great. I guess I shouldn't complain though. I'm tired of working out with my personal trainer and going to a really good job. #princessproblems or #firstworldproblems at their finest.

Anyways, the next time I write a post I'll be 23! I remember saying when I was 17 "I'll feel like a real adult when I'm 23"...not so much. I dont feel any different than I did when I was 16, is this what getting old is like? like you just get older but you dont feel different? help me. Okay. That's all I have for now.

Except I'm attaching pictures that I find funny/applicable.

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2 kinds of surprises.

So, quick recap and thoughts from the weekend. My food choices/eating schedule was kind of not of the up most quality, but for some odd reason I decided I should exercise. I know that doesn't sound weird to some of you all who are skinny minnies and joe gymrats but was a new thing for me. On Saturday I woke up around noon, and decided I should get on my stationary bike and bang out 15 minutes of sprint intervals. Yea, I was just complaining about doing that in the previous post. But then on Sunday afternoon for some reason I had this really strange urge to go jog. So I did. It was 6 laps around the loop at my house which is approximately 6/10ths of a mile. It was the saddest 6 laps ever, but at least I did it!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I was pretty sure I was going to throw up and die before I left O3 today. Let me just say also, that when I "warm up", it's a warm up, which implies slow. We did some walking on the treadmill today that was way faster annnd on an incline. I kinda was ready to just stop walking, let the treadmill throw me back into the wall and hope I died. If I had known what was coming after that, I probably would have. Yeah, it's one of those kinds of recaps. I mean, not like we didn't know this was coming. Darin even said today "can't wait to read about this one". So here goes. We did bird dogs, straight leg raises and CPR's first. 2 rounds, and I was kinda okay with that. I mean, tough luck if I'm not haha. Then. Then, he pulled out a nice surprise and let me just say, there are 2 kinds of surprises in the world. Birthday and Pearl Harbor. I'm sure you all can guess which kind this one was. We did this pyramid of slams and prison squats. It went like 10 squats, then 1 slam, 9 squats, 2 slams, 8 squats, 3 slams, and so on and so forth. He asked me which I wanted to start out with doing 10 of, and which I wanted to 1 of first. That's like asking me which eye I'd like to cut out with the back of a rusty spoon first. uuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh. Seriously. 55 effin squats. fifty. five. Cincuenta y cinco for all my spanish speaking readers. 55 too many, if you ask me. Darin was thrilled with my squats and I was just thrilled to be done. They might have been "good" but I still hate them with my entire heart. I have a running list of the worst exercises on the face of planet earth and guess what my #1 is? squats. At the end of that little piece of hell on earth, I was pretttttttttty sure I was about to see my greek yogurt again. Though apparently the gym is the most socially acceptable place to throw up. It got dicey there for a hot minute. Then we stretched, and my left leg started cramping up but whatever. I'm still holding on to the idea of cutting them off 127 hours style. Then we did this thing on the smith machine that was reminiscent of a bench press. At that point he probably could have said hey, you're gonna bench press the weight equivalent of a small narwhal and I'd have gladly given it a whirl had it not involved any kind of squat or squat like motion.

As far as eating goes today, I felt like all I did was eat. I had a protein shake for breakfast which was kinda dicey because I kept feeling like I got this like, nasty after taste. Then I had some oatmeal and apples, a chicken sandwich on whole wheat bread, and then I had baked chicken for dinner. It's been like 1000+ calories which makes me feel like when I lay down tonight (which will be happening not too soon after this post), I'm going to wake up and have gained all 42 pounds back haha. About the time I left the gym and got in the car, the thoughts of doing anything but microwaving my dinner was enough to make me lay down on the westgate bridge at 5:30pm. I was supposed to make tilapia and brown rice. Maybe tomorrow, or maybe Wednesday. someday this week, but tonight wasn't it. After I left the gym I felt like a camel. I drank all my water, the rest of Rebecca's Gatorade and some halfway warm water from God only knows when that I had in my car. OH! and I've been looking all over creation for my nalgene water bottle. Ask me where it was? the floor board of my car. Papaw always says "if that had been a snake, it would have bit you!".

If I can't walk tomorrow which I feel like is a legitimate possibility seeing as my calves hurt pre-workout from my little running stint on Sunday, I may look at investing in a segway for work. Though I hear you have to have balance for those, which I lack. Let's just all cross our fingers I don't feel like death warmed over tomorrow.

Anyways. I guess that's all the drama I have in me for today. Partner workout with Jennifer tomorrow! annnnnd Thursday. which happens to be my birthdayyy! 23. I'm going to check out retirement homes during my lunch break, if anyone was wondering what I was going to do to celebrate becoming old.
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