Spin and the return of Susan.

let's recap the past few days, shall we? yes. that was rhetorical, obviously if you're reading this you're weirdly interested in what kind of ridiculous drama I'm gonna throw out at the most random times of the week. to that I say, you're welcome.

Saturday I went to the gym and didn't have a legit plan, well. That's a lie. I had printed off a back/bicep routine from Jaime Eason that I had plans to do. I did the majority of it, taking some creative liberty annnnnnnnd I found my new favorite machine. The assisted pull up/tricep dip. I wanted to try it for a while but was too scared that even the whole weight stack wouldn't be enough "assistance", and that again I would be traumatized from being too fat for even the gym. There was a little note that said something like if it's your first time using it, use the whole weight stack. So I did. and I stood on it and waited to come tumbling down like I did out of the tree in my front yard when I was 8. nothing. So I ever so carefully dismounted and tried again, still didn't move. I had to go 5 weights up to get it to move and truth be told, that was a lot of help. But I was tired of getting on and off of it, and this man looked like he was getting ready to cut me if I didn't get off of it soon. So I said "sold!" and did pull ups until I couldn't do them anymore. Then I messed around and finally talked myself in to doing some foam rolling on my legs. Which I knew that was a mistake within the first ten seconds. I'm fairly sure my highest heart rate came after the workout, pain seems to spike that particular measurement. Foam rollers are Satan's handiwork. No lie. but I'll give credit where credit is due, my legs felt 90% better Sunday morning.

Monday, I continued my insanity and decided to give spin class a try, the interval one. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I didn't hate the actual workout....I just kinda felt weird about the instructor and the whole lets turn the lights off and turn on a friggen disco ball and listen to some crazy ass music while we pedal like there's no tomorrow. I didn't understand a lot of his instructions because I'm not sure what he means by cadence, as we weren't singing songs like marines do when they're run. I THINK it means like you pick a point, say the top of the circle, and every time the ball flashed your foot was supposed to be at the same point. Good thing I don't have a seizure disorder. He said it was like a cadence of 90, but lets be clear. I was probably at a 45. However, I will say that for the entire hour and 9 minutes, not once did I stop pedaling. Which, I'm pretty proud of. I participated in what I could, it was an intense situation. 10 minutes of a warm up, then 10 rounds of 1 minute as fast as you can, 30 seconds recovery, then 4 rounds of 1 minute slow-ish, 1 minute regular, 1 minute fast as you can with 30 seconds in between that, and then a 10-15 minute cool down. I'm not sure what that adds up to because I'm worse than Helen Keller at math. Anywho, I'm not sure today other than my butt from that small seat that they call a saddle. We aren't riding horses. It's a bicycle not a 500 pound beast.

Today, was a little less crazy. I didn't have a whole lot of time and I decided to eat Moes for lunch because I'm weak. I really, really need them to stop catering to the coffee shop for lunch on Tuesdays. that would fix my problem. Or if I accepted some responsibility and got some will power. Either/or. I did day 1 of couch to 5k again, except this time I upped the speeds, by quite a bit. The ONLY good thing about c25k with me is that there is legit no room for even me to argue and we all know if there's room for discussion, I WILL have my say. So Susan (that's what I named that bitch who tells you to run) made her less than exciting return to my life. At least on the days I don't have a lot of time. Though by the 6th and final round of running for a minute, I thought I was going to wheeze to death, and I'm sure the man next to me was probably thinking "smoke another pack before you cause an earthquake/come run on the treadmill, tubby". Also, speaking of judging, that's basically my favorite activity at the gym. I really understand how people get hurt. I really, really do. First of all, today there were 2 guys that I realllllllllllllllllllllly wanted to get a picture of. One had a mullet and a mustache that were 2 different colors and the other was literally wearing acid washed jeans. I wanted to be like...guess it's not leg day for ya'll. They were working out together and from what I gathered they were bro's. By bro's I mean friends/ not actual brothers. Then, this other man was doing the lat pulldown and he was okay pulling the weight down, but when he let it up, it LEGIT was pulling him off the seat. I mean, maybe that's okay and I'm just dumb, but it didn't look all that safe. And then this other man was posted up by the water fountain in his coordinating sweats with a clip board, I'm not sure if he was taking surveys, picking up chicks or waiting for the act of being at the gym to burn calories.

and I know I'm long winded, per my usual, but I was just thinking while I was on the treadmill about how since I started exercising on a somewhat regular basis, I haven't been sick with anything viral. Like, I had a kidney infection and again, I may be dumb but that's the only thing that's really been an issue. No flu, no cold, no allergies, no anything. And I could tell a major difference in the way I felt while I was on the treadmill after I ate crappy food for lunch versus spin yesterday when I ate good food. Which, I understand are two different things but the way I felt was night and day. I thought I was running to my death bed today. Good news, it was only one meal, and I'm keeping a food log again because I got curious about how much I was actually eating. Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to get it right. this whole healthy thing is a marathon, not a sprint. And according to myfitnesspal, I have 16 calories left. What to do with all that extra? maybe I'll chew a pack of gum. Just kidding. maybe. Anyways, I also can't believe I ever survived on 600 calories a day. ever. and I'm down 73 pounds since June. #winning.

anyways, I've rambled and made enough spelling, grammar and punctuation errors for a lifetime. My plan is to be at the gym at 5:30 in the morning for a leg workout and then go to work and hopefully knocking on death's door that early will be enough to keep me from making bad choices the rest of the day. We'll see though. We'll see.

gym rants and surprises.

So. 4 days from my last workout to the one last night. It's a new record of laziness. It was like the universe didn't want me to go to the gym though. Really. Once I finally got to the YWCA, it was paaaaaacked in the parking lot. Then I ended up accidentally dumping my entire gym bag in the floor and I thought I lost my heart rate monitor and then my water spilled, but I told myself I was already there. suck. it. up. So once I got in the actual gym, it wasn't too busy but there was an old lady I kind of wanted to kick in the face. Begin rant. First of all, a turtle neck and velvet pants do not a gym outfit make. That's not even functional attire. Nor do scrubs for that matter. Second of all, she was in the most inappropriate places to be doing her exercises. There are mats at the YWCA for ab stuff and stretching, utilize them, for the love of God. Then she kept leaving her stuff to get water. GET A WATER BOTTLE. They have them for LITERALLY 1 dollar, 4 quarters, 10 dimes. A ton of nickels (I'm bad at math) at Wal-Mart. In a wide array of colors for you to choose from. Whatever. on top that wonderful encounter, I was out of the way in the appropriate area doing my goblet squats and KB swings, she kept trying to walk in front of me. DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M DOING?! DO YOU WANT TO GET HIT? because next time I may not alter my swinging to accommodate your being a dumbass. I know you have exercises to do, but please be mindful of other people. Then this other guy KEPT staring at me in the mirror (I can see you, bro. I have these things called eyes, or ojos, for the Spanish speakers among us) while he was doing his bicep curls, which I was unaware were a whole body exercise. I feel like if you can't have some control over the weight, you might want to take it down a pound or 80. No one cares that you have these huge dumbbells, also you look like an ass clown with that backwards hat, too. And while I'm on this rant, I feel like if you're running on a treadmill so fast that you have to hold on, and by hold on I mean white knuckle it, you should turn the speed down a bit. I know, what a blow to your ego that you can't run at a 150 mile an hour pace on a 18 incline for hours on end, but really. obviously I'm the boss of the gym. If everyone just did what I told them, there would be no need for red lights or this blog post.  /end rant.

Maybe it's cause this has been an off week for me, but I'm extra rude/snarky/mean.

So, a lot can change in the course of a week.

While I loved crossfit, it's not for me right now. I participated in 6 sessions, and directly after that first session until 3 days after I decided I wasn't going back, my knees hurt. and by hurt I don't mean it was a muscle ache, it was more of a joint ache and every single time I did any kind of squat or lunge, I could feel them screaming at me. I think I got excited about what exactly I could do, and wanted to run with it...but my body isn't quite ready for all of that and the high impact that came with it. I will also admit I got a little scared. Maybe I'm spoiled but when I'm going to be hurling a weighted bar towards my face, I like to have some supervision. Someone to be like oh hellllllllll nah, that's not how you do it! Also, I'd like to feel like I know what I'm doing and be able to ask questions. While the coaches encouraged questions, it was limited in general and by the fact that there were generally 12-18 people in the classes. Some people/me don't like to feel like we're holding everyone back or taking up too much time. There were all skill levels and while I excelled at some things, I sucked too much for others. I'm looking at you, snatches. Maybe later down the road, or maybe not. It was a good try though. I give myself an A for effort and I'm trying to not berate myself too much. I'm really OCD sometimes and I like to make lists, get them done and move on. That's my life and I don't like chaos or when things get interrupted.

Not a ton going on here lately though, really. Work, work and more work. Darin is out of town for the week, so as usual while the cats away the mice will play. and by play I mean work out. I fell off the wagon which is most likely on the other side of the continent by now but I got a good start on catching it again last night haha. My legs are killing me. I don't love this whole delayed onset muscle soreness. it's for the birds. I woke up happy because my legs just felt a little tight, and if it keeps this up, I'm going to perform a hamstring/quad-ectomy by days end because obviously who needs legs? also there was a man at the gym last night in jeans. Also not appropriate gym attire. anywho. That's what happening in the world of Vanessa. Lots of bitching and snark, as usual. Check back in at the most random time of the day and week for the next update, which will likely be as uniformative and useless as this one.

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I drank the kool aid.

I take back every time I've ever made fun of crossfit or people I know who do crossfit. really. I drank the kool aid. I'm becoming the asshole who constantly talks about it and posts about it on every social networking site imaginable. Here's the thing though, I don't care. That's how much I love it and there is really no reason for me to love it. Because it's basically everything I've ever hated rolled in to one garage. We do a ton of squats and dead lifts, running, it's a group setting, I didn't know one single person going in to it. I also generally hate timed events. I have every reason to hate it but I don't and that blows my mind.

I've done things in the past week that I never imagined that I would even try, much less like and be somewhat good at. Let me be clear about this though, "somewhat good" doesn't describe my snatching ability. My snatches look like I'm about to start seizing, but I'm pretty good at the overhead squat and I honestly don't hate them. But what I do hate is the word snatch, because I follow this guy who blogs about teen mom (it's seriously the best blog ever) and every time he refers to one of their uh, downstairs mix ups, he calls them snatches. So the first couple of times Ben said "snatch" on Sunday I was a little uncomfortable. Also, I kind of like the invisibility factor at crossfit. I'm not completely invisible but it's not a one-on-one situation....but that also is a downfall because I can't complain, be snarky or anything like that. I've surprised myself a couple of times, like with pull ups. No, don't get excited, I can't do a real one. I can do 4 pretty shaky resistance band assisted pull ups, but otherwise, that's a big nope, nuh huh, not happening, niet, no gracias. I can however, hold myself up on the bar for around 8 seconds at best and swing back and forth like I'm 7 years old on the monkey bars. I've tore up my poor white collar hands though. They haven't actually bled yet, but I think I'm gonna need gloves or tape before that. Open sores + dirty rigs + community chalk bucket= MRSA or worse. I'm not looking to get a disease. just fit. that's all I'm asking for. Though, when I went to the 7 am class on Tuesday, the 2 boys in the 6 am class (unlucky for them) were doing the "filthy fifty" which let's be clear, I would rather eat a corn dog/throw myself off the westgate bridge and call it a day, but it's 50 reps of 10 exercises. I may be terrible at math but that is FIVE. HUNDRED. REPS. This one boy got it done in like 43 minutes and the other was still under 50 minutes. Also, I will never complain about boot camp being so early again. I'm a R-tard and signed up for 7 am classes this week because I was trying to do 2 things at once and thought I signed up for the 7PM class. Score: Crossfit 582, Vanessa 0. That may actually put me at -1. I'm not sure.

The WOD's are getting more intense every session which, obviously, is the point. I'm generally the last one finished (except during partner WOD's!) but it is what it is. Dead last trumps not starting/quitting and so far everyone has been really awesome. I'm not sure if it's just a component of my social anxiety or what but I don't like it when there are a lot of guys who look like body builders in my classes. This one in Sunday's class was basically shoulder pressing a mac truck while I had the bar and 2 5lb weights on it and struggling through the 8-8-8 strength set. Whatever though, Ben/Crossfit is all about "better than yesterday", and comparison is the greatest thief of joy or something like that. I'll get there eventually. Everything I own is sore at this point but there isn't a ton I can do about it. I didn't think doing the modified "knees to elbows" which for me are more like knees to waist, would hurt my abs but yes, yes they do. Coughing and laughing are out of the question at the moment.

Also, I've been 14 days without ANY kind of fast food what so ever and almost 3 weeks without any kind of carbonation/soft drink. I've drank water and almond milk and that's it. I've lost 5 pounds since that time, too and I don't really want any soft drinks. I would have slugged Rebecca for a pizza tonight though. But, I decided Saturday nights were when I could have whatever I wanted for dinner (within reason) and it's not Saturday so it's not happening. I had a salad with some grilled chicken, in case anyone was wondering. Anyways. It's time for me to go make my food for tomorrow and get in bed. Honey Boo Boo Thanksgiving special tonight at 8 on TLC and I hear it's hilarious. Crossfit tomorrow at 7 am, and my first session in a week with Darin on Friday. here's to hoping I survive both... Also I hear the WOD is a little more than anything we've done so far, and I never really know what Darin has up his sleeve and I guess that's for the best...So, set your DVR's for Honey Boo Boo and send some positive energy my way when you wake up tomorrow. I'll definitely need it.
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A different kind of junkie.

I have some sad news. Well, sad for me. Apparently if I'm going to do crossfit I'm going to need to become close friends with the foam roller. effffffffffffffffffffff that. Darin saved that for the end of today's session. Which, we only did it on my quads so I guess I'll survive. Especially because they feel a lot less tight right now. Even though it felt like that foam roller was covered in rusty nails covered in alcohol. I'm just saying if I never saw one again, I would be 100% fine with that. I have a way with words and a subtle way of getting my point across. Not really.

Hall of Fame by The Script is my jam. It made it's way to my "get pumped!" play list on my phone. Anyways, today was fabulous, sans the foam rolling. Since I did crossfit yesterday and I go back tomorrow at 6 (make sure you're sending positive thoughts my way at that time, because I'm gonna need them) we didn't do cardio or legs so it was basically a greatest hits day. Incline bench press, 3 point rows with 35 pounds, some pull downs, and an assortment of stretching, that I may repeat in a few minutes because my legs still do kind of hurt and it wouldn't hurt me to stretch some extra.

2 people have told me today that I'm "inspirational" and it really did mean a lot to me. I just don't think that's the right word. I think I'm just crazy enough to try anything, and it just happened to work. I mean, this isn't luck, it's hard work, and a lot of stress sometimes but I saw this thing on intsagram that was like "you'll succeed when you decided the goal is worth the sacrifice", and whether that be pizza, ice cream, TV time to go to the gym, etc, it's true. Darin said today I'm a junkie which I was like um no. But he's kinda right. It's a different kind of junkie, but going to the gym and working out has taken over my life in a fabulous way. I love it, and I'm so glad this happened. I know it's weird to announce too, but for the first time since probably 10th grade in high school, I weigh less than 300lbs. Which, I cried on the scale when that happened. It just kinda makes me feel like this has all been worth it and I can do this. Don't judge me.

To follow that up, I've been eating a ton. and by that I mean like every 2-3 hours, and I'm STILL starving. I could (and will be) eat now/soon. I had my luna bar on the way to pick Rebecca up from the Y after I left O3, and it was alright. It's got like 10g of protein, so it was better than my normal meal of nothing after the gym. I've been getting a gallon or a little more of water a day, and since I've not been eating bad food (like at all this week) I feel way better, I'm tired as all get out but I think that's because I'm pushing everything a little harder. Because I'm eating so much, I've even carrying 2 lunch boxes which is basically fatty fatty 2x4 status until you look in them. So to the judgmental Judy in the stairwell, you can take your ugly elevator eyes elsewhere. Those aren't zebra cakes and mtn dews in there (I kinda wish it was)!

Anyways, I'm going to make some dinner (whooo for meat and broccoli for the 982nd time this week) and get ready for tomorrow. day 2 of crossfit. If I don't blog by the end of the weekend, assume I'm dead and my body can be found near crossfit Pisgah on the river. It was nice knowing you all.
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A chance to start over; crossfit edition.

Oh. My. Quads. I just reached tool/douchebag status with that cute little intro. But for real, walking tomorrow may just be a distant dream.

Today was d-day and by that I mean crossfit day. To say I was petrified would be the understatement of the year.

But I fucking LOVED it. Like. I am SO excited to go back. When I finally found it, my GPS took me through the ghetto and down 392 different streets before I found it and realized I've driven by it every single day. We started out stretching, then did a 200 meter run. Outside. In the cold. Uphill. I was the last one finished, but I finished. Which is more than I could have done 6 months ago. We were running at a "conversational pace" which. Conversational for who? Lance Armstrong? Then we came inside and did some skill work. We did dead lifts with really light weight. Then we learned the rower, which I kind of loved. then. Then we started with "thrusters". Thrusters are where you hold the bar (everyone starts with PVC pipe) at your shoulders in front of you. Then you do a squat and come all the way up and push the weight above your head. It's a push and press on steroids. We did those today too. We did like 100 of them for practice, then we did our WOD. 3 rounds of 200 meter row then 10 thrusters. Consider it thrusted. We were partnered up by who was on your left. My partners name was Kelly. One person rowed, then did thrusters, then when they finished both the other person started. Our time was 11:06 total, which wasn't the fastest (I think the fastest was like 7 minutes) but it wasn't the slowest which made me really happy. There were such a wide array of people there and everyone was really nice and supportive. I didn't feel like they were judging me either. Anyways, Then we did some resistance band stretching. My legs are killing me.

KILLING. ME.

After everyone finished the WOD, Ben told us he was gonna be the "angry crossfit coach" and that half squats weren't cutting it. Guess who wasn't doing half squats? This girl :) my squats were "great", funny as they're my least favorite thing to do.

Also. I've been eating 5 meals a day, small ones, and I'm starving to death. It's no bueno. I left crossfit and went to missions gym to shower and I had plans to eat a banana and pb2 after but I was driving and could only eat the banana haha but I devoured that in about 2 seconds. But oddly enough I feel the best I have in a long, long time. I finally feel like all this work is catching up with me. Like I feel better overall and today when I met Jer at Starbucks, she exclaimed "Nessie you're getting so small!" Which makes me happy.

Today was a success. Now I just have to work out a Darin/crossfit/YWCA schedule. #firstworldproblems at their finest. I'm making chicken and trying my hand at making sweet potatoes. I'm considering a 6am spin class tomorrow. But we'll see if I can walk tomorrow.

That's all I have in my bag of tricks for now. and with that, I'm out ✌

Doin' work.

Today was killer. And by that I mean fabulous, on point, excellent, and then I felt like death post workout with Darin haha.

I decided to get it together and make food to take to work and try to eat every 3 hours ish. And lets be clear, I met Jer for dinner at Zoe's kitchen at 6ish and I could eat again. My appetite has come back with a vengeance. Today I had pb& reduced sugar jelly (I'm working my way to sugar free) oats, then I had a banana and 2 tablespoons of pb2 which is my JAM. Oddly enough I prefer it to regular peanut butter. Then I had steak and broccoli for lunch and then strawberry Greek yogurt for a snack. It sounds like so much and it kinda is. Yesterday Matt, Becky, Jer and I went to green life and I found these 2 bars. One was a Luna bar and the other was a "think thin" bar. Well I know why, you'll get thin eating them. Because you won't and you'll starve to death. That was beyond disgusting. I'm talking like on a scale of 1-rotten garbage it was a solid dog turd covered in salty sand. I haven't tried the Luna one because I'm scarred from the other. So I ate a 100 calorie pack of almonds after my workout. While I'm rambling. I make horrid decisions under pressure. Like oh I don't know. Purchasing a crossfit groupon. 12 intro or "on ramp" sessions for 30$ and I'm basically petrified. Part of me wants to try it and see what the fuss is about and the other social anxiety part of me is like Uh yeah. You're gonna get there and cry before you get out of the car. I mean the worst that can happen is I can be out 30$ and get emotionally and physically scarred so much that I never leave my house again and die alone on Seay lane with my dog brownie as my only companion. And maybe some real brownies since I won't care about being strong and fit anymore. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. That's my motto. Speaking of the worst. Lets talk about planet fitness. Apparently they have a pizza party once a month. Counter productive at best as pizza isn't really the best choice of food. Second of all apparently they're confused. You can't drop weights, grunt, or "judge". I get the whole "no judgement" thing because the gym can be intimidating (but I also tell myself that the lion never loses sleep over the opinion of the sheep. Do what you need to do and move on. If anyone wants to watch/judge they need to get a life), but really?! It's not a damn library. And apparently you can't do dead lifts either. Which. I mean I don't necessarily love them but it shouldn't be outlawed because of the noise. There's a "lunk alarm" if you do any of the above and they ask you to leave. That is beyond retarded. Helen Keller could make better rules than that.

Anyways. The moral of the story is never give dogs fudge on Christmas. What? I don't know what's wrong with me. I swear when I start writing these I do have a purpose. Focus. Today's workout. I feel really good about it actually which is a change from this time last week haha. We started out with everyone's favorite. A squat with an overhead press. Then a 40 second plank. Then 8 step back lunges on each leg then these crunches that were basically a 3 in 1 special. And by special I mean small slice of hell. Two go rounds. Then we moved on to weights which we all know is my jam. I'll spare you the details but I'm fairly sure my legs will be sore tomorrow. Curses. That's the worst. I'm either trying the CSI class at the Y (cardio and strength intervals...clever) or going at it on my own.

I never thought I would get excited about stuff like this. Or I always thought people like that were weird, the ones who thought going to the gym was "fun" but it really is. And every time I'm at the Y, everyone is lining up for the cardio machines and I want to be like um attention please. It's more fun to lift weights and you can get your cardio doing other stuff than walking on a treadmill. Also, muscle burns more calories than fat and to get muscle you need to lift weights. I'm full of information, but not really. It kinda feels like my job at the hospital has become something to do between workouts. I'm always thinking about what I want to do next or what class I want to do at the Y, and all that fun stuff. I also write down my workouts and calories from my watch in my Lily planner, where all the important stuff goes. My goal is 5 hours a week of working out. I think that's legit. I can readjust as needed, too. I used to not write out goals for fear of failure. Then I realized if I fail, nothing happens. I just try again and move on. Lesson learned.

Anyways. It's past my bedtime. I've absolutely earned my sleep tonight. And with that, I'm gonna make like a baby and head out. Hahahahah seriously I love that. ✌

Get low(er).

Obviously I can't workout and not blog about it. How else would you guys know how buff I'm getting? ;) or how much of a baby I am and how much I complain?

Today there were 8 centers only one of which included squats. Insert happiest face ever here. It was a plié squat with an upright row. Then there were step ups on the box, tricep dips (I can do approximately 4 of them) mountain climbers with a crossover, regular mountain climbers, leg lifts, wall sits and hammer curls with an overhead press. Those were my favorite. Today was rough, but it was fun. I was doing a wall sit (not my favorite) and apparently I looked bored and Mindi was telling me to get lower. Then "get low" by little John and the east side boys started playing in my head. Ghetto. After the first round she let us vote on vetoing 2 stations or adding time to rest. We voted more rest time, thank God. And Mindi. She's like a really pretty Darin. She took the time to explain about static vs dynamic stretches and the effect on calorie burn! Overall I would give today an 8/10 :) because obviously I'm the resident boot camp critic. But really. I was gonna go try a spin class at 10am at the Y, but boot camp was obviously the best choice.

I think my legs are gonna be sore tomorrow. Which, Sunday was what I decided to be my rest day but I may not rest. I haven't decided, I've read online you need to rest, but I think as long as its not too strenuous I should be ok. Like a few or 20 minutes of sprint intervals on the bike and some light weights. We'll see how I feel tomorrow :)

Sass, Squats and Suicide threats.

This week has been crazy, but it's been one of the most productive I've had in a while. Monday I had Darin, Tuesday Jennifer and I did the "train like you got balls" bicep/tricep workout, Wednesday I did power pump, Thursday I did Zumba and today I had another session with Darin. Tomorrow I'm either going to boot camp or spin at 10am. I can't decideeeee.

Today's workout was full of sass. Mostly from me. We started out with everyone's favorite. Cardio. Boom. I hate cardio. We did slams, a 30 second plank, cleans and presses and mountain climbers. Dos trips through. Then we moved on to bigger and better things. Seated row and a wide grip row. The single complaint I have for that is that the handle may as well be a cheese grater. I would think of cheese at a time like this. Then we did a 3 round merry go round of a close grip pull, lat pull down and straight arm pull down. I love pulling exercises. That's not me being a smart ass either haha, that's legit. Then we did plié squats with a kettlebell that I really wouldn't care if I ever saw again. I threw some drama in the mix and acted like I shot myself in the head. Creative and mature, I know. We did 2 sets of 15. We might as well have done 100. Thats what it felt like. Then we moved on to the hulks and incline press. El favoritos! Then we did the push and press. I'd rather push myself off the westgate bridge, if we're being honest. Though overall today was good, I'm still tired as hell. Today has been full of sass, squats and suicide threats. That's where I got my title from haha. Oh and because I don't know who reads this, please note that I will never kill myself. I am much too awesome for the world to miss out on.

Anyways, boot camp or spin tomorrow morning and then I'm taking Sunday off! I just need boot camp to be at like 11am. That's all. What a cruel world we live in. But I'm off to watch buckwild, and I don't mean Rebecca. I mean the new show on MTV that could have been filmed in Madison county.

Annnnnd I'm out ✌

400.

Better late than never right?

Well. The thing is, Monday was a rough day for me. And by rough I mean I had it in my mind that I was quitting everything and I was done. I even emailed Darin. I don't know what flipped my switch but I just felt like everything I did Monday I sucked at it. I'm okay with not being good at everything (most of the time) but in general I've had at least ONE thing I could be like "damn I did good!" But I didn't feel like that Monday and I've really just now started to feel a little like myself again. Oddly enough I have done really well eating these past 2 days though. Thankfully I have an awesome friend Jennifer, who met me Tuesday at the gym and we did this bicep/tricep routine I found online and we talked. Darin also put things in perspective for me. I'm refocused and once I chilled out and took a step back, the progress from June until now is EPIC. This is a rough journey, for sure. This is legit the longest I've kept up with any kind of exercise and eating better program, ever. Which means there is no quitting and no going back. I will not go through a "day 1" again. I didn't make any New Years resolutions because I get overwhelmed, so I just made January goals. 1. Some kind of exercise every day. 2. 3 Nalgene bottles (96 ounces) of water every day. 3. No soft drinks. Simple is the way to go with me.

Lets talk about tonight though. Jer, Rebecca and I went to "power pump" at the Y. It was basically hell on earth. First of all, if I never see another resistance band again, it will be too soon. Second of all, my bionic ankle isn't feeling too great. That was a lot of jumping around. We did one "set" that was ridiculous. Word association. Go. Set; 12 reps. That's my definition. The lady teaching today, set; 40 reps. It was so discouraging to hear "33, 32, 31" when you feel like dying. Everyone had a step and 2 sets of weights and then a resistance band. We held a plank on the step, then without letting it go, we basically did mountain climbers on your elbows, then we did some leg lifts and some other stuff. It was like holding a 10 minute plank. Then we did this other thing when you got on all 4s and you were supposed to put the band across your foot and then do a glute kickback. Um I got approximately zero of them done. I couldn't get it to stay on my foot and it kept snapping my leg. I finally said forget it. We did shoulder presses today and I only had to use 6 pound weights. Insert happy face here. I did step ups with a shoulder press with 15lbs on Monday. However. We did about a bazillion of them today, so in my mind that makes up for the lack of weight. We also did a lot of squats. My favorite. I think the sarcasm is tangible at this point. Also, we did the squats and then went straight in to lunges with 2 bunny hops between. I burned 461 calories and it should have been 4 thousand. You know that movie 300? I haven't seen it (surprise) but I feel like I participated in the fighting. My body feels like I've been in the fight and lost, actually. Anyways. My watch is wrong. It has to be. You can't sweat that much and want to die for 45 minutes and only burn 400. At one point I considered either running out of the room and hoping no one missed me or hanging myself with that resistance band. Good news is, Zumba tomorrow! :) I'm thinking of trying the intro to spin class Saturday.

Anyways. I got new shoes and I have pictures to share! :) one is my shoes, one is power pump pics and the last is my new mantra. Olè! I'm out. I'm not sure what olè means though.
✌