#thelifeofnessie

ya'll. it's been a hot second since I've updated this blog.

I'm a resident of Illinois now and I can hardly believe it. So many adventures. A couple of my friends have mentioned that they would love to move somewhere and "start over where no one knows your name" and let's be honest, it's not the best idea to do on a whim. It's hard, and lonely sometimes...that's what she said. But for real I knew roughly 5 people when I moved up here and how many do I know now? 5. Granted those 5 people are fantastic, you still get a little lonely. I picked up everything and moved to a new city for a new start. I wanted a new job and a new place and some fresh scenery which is what I got. It's a blessing and a curse, really. But there are 50 states in the United States of 'Merica and damn it I want to experience more than Asheville. I signed a year long lease so maybe next September I'll move to Kansas. Jk, no one voluntarily moves to Kansas.  Anyways here I am in Naperville Illinois. Writing this blog from my (second) air mattress. Why do I have 2? well let me tell you a little story. Once upon last Friday night, I woke up and had go throw up because I was sick to my stomach from some sketchy crab wontons from a Chinese place, I got up a little too violently and my air mattress got pushed in to the wall where my baseboard heat thing is, and that was all she wrote. Less than two minutes and it was flat as a pancake. I'm going to get a bed when a couple of pay checks roll in and then a kitchen table and a couch. You only get to be 25 once (and for me, that time ends Sunday) so I'm making the most of it. That sounds a lot like #YOLO. But for real. Being up here has been a really good choice. Speaking of what's happened since I left Asheville...

I got a job! I work for ATI Physical Therapy in patient accounts and got quite the hefty raise! I also got an apartment (obviously) I'm not going to say where as I'm not sure who reads this trash I call my blog and I'm not trying to get murdered. But it's real nice and I have a balcony that has a "lake" (pond) view. #fancy

One of the biggest adventures is driving and navigating. I can go to approximately one place without my GPS and that is Target. I've learned the streets that I drive on to go to work but I don't know which one I take for how long without Edna (my GPS) yelling at me every half a mile to tell me.

So that my friends, is what's happening in the life of Nessie. Which is my hashtag on instagram and the title of my future book. #thelifeofnessie #comingsoontoabarnesandnoblenearyou #in2040 #maybe.

time changes everything

it's been quite some time, my blog reading friends. I would apologize, but I've been busy with life and I'm not all that sorry. So, sorry I'm not sorry, is that better?

admit it, you've missed me.

Time changes everything. I was looking through my instagram and two years ago I would have rather died than skipped the gym. I even went twice a day for a few months...now I'm lucky to go twice a week. But the thing is, life happens. Adulting needs to happen. I have so much to do that it's taken a back seat, especially olympic lifting. My left shoulder will completely sublux on command these days, which is bad news as it's extremely unstable overhead...which is where a snatch and jerk both end up being. So for now, that's completely out of the question. Physical therapy is for the birds, fyi. I can't stand it. I don't like people I don't know touching me, I don't like laying on that weird table and it's just a mess.

LOTS of things have happened in the last 2 months, like way too many things to name. The most important and if we're friends on facebook, I'm sure you saw...I'm moving to Illinois! 14 days left of work at Mission and then it's off to never never land. Aka Naperville, which reminds me a lot of Asheville, just a wee bit bigger and a whole lot flatter. We have some of the best people on the planet waiting for us up there, and by up there I mean "up north" aka anywhere above North Carolina. Rebecca and I drove up a few weeks ago for a visit and I do declare, Indiana is the worst state in the union. Literally nothing but corn fields, billboards for adult superstores and every so often a "HELL IS REAL" billboard with a 1-800 number on it. Hell is real, and it's physical location is the state of Indiana. Where they do roadwork for twenty six miles at a fucking time. You read that right. TWENTY SIX MILES AT A TIME. Veintiseis miles for the spanish speakers among us which I feel like by now I should at least have one, or uno readers who are bilingual. No? okay. But we drove through the entire fucking state of Indiana and I pretty much hated every mile of it. Kentucky is better. KENTUCKY. Let that sink in for a second, on my lists of states I'd rather drive through, Kentucky ranks higher. Though, I kind of want to call one of the 1-800 numbers on the Jesus billboards just to see what they say. Maybe I will.

Moving on.

I  failed my CPC exam for the second time, I made a 69 and a 70 is passing. Is that not my luck, or what?! I cried like my brother died again for a good 12 hours and thankfully I have some fantastic friends who encouraged me to try again. So, August 15th right here in good ole AVL I'll take my third attempt and when I purchased that test voucher, I got a "free" retake...so technically I have a 4th attempt but let's all cross our fingers, toes and eyes that I won't need that. Otherwise I will be more of a basket case than I already am.

Speaking of basket cases, my parents aren't super excited about us moving. However, I'm 2 months away (today!) from being 26. Adventure is out there and I intend to find it. I love my family here but there's nothing written in stone that you have to live 10 miles from your parents your whole life. I want to see the other 49 states and experience more than North Carolina. If I don't like "the north" I can always come home. My friends here are fantastic but a lot of them have already moved or are planning on it themselves. There's a whole big America out there, and there won't be a better time. So i'm taking the opportunity that I have and saying SEE YA to Asheville towards the end of the month.

I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since my brother passed away and I miss him more than I could ever say. I wish he was here for me to talk to about moving with, he would be SO very excited for me but sad I was leaving. There are times I think I'm forgetting about him because I don't mention him as often as I used to. I was talking to a woman I work with a few weeks ago and she asked if I had any siblings and I just said "i have a twin sister" because I never want to make it weird and say "well I had a brother but he died", but then she asked and saying "i had a brother" never gets any easier. I wish I had something with his voice on it, but he didn't like to leave voicemails nor did he like being on camera. Sometimes I'll remember something funny he said or did and just start laughing, the woman who's cubicle is next to mine probably thinks I'm crazy but that's okay. Less small talk that way :)

I can't change the past, all I can do is work on the future. So hopefully the third time is the charm and I'll be able to pass this exam and get to drive up to Naperville with 3 new letters behind my name!

4 letter words

If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know that 4 letter words are my favorite. Much to my mother’s dislike I have a mouth like a sailor. I can reign it in when I need to, but know that when I’m most comfortable F-bombs travel out of my mouth at lightning speed.

Wednesday night I learned a new four letter word and it wasn’t one that I use on the daily. F A I L. Yep, those were the words under “results” on my CPC (certified professional coder) exam. I cried. I was battling an upper respiratory infection and a double ear infection on the day I took the exam. I didn’t actually KNOW I was sick, as I thought you just felt bad when you got up at 4:30 in the morning to drive 2 hours to take a 6 hour long exam. I didn’t expect to feel 100% fanfuckingtastic. I woke up Sunday morning feeling like death warmed over. Spent Sunday-Wednesday in bed and at various doctor’s offices, but that’s neither here nor there. I think the part that upset me the most was that I had to score a 70, and I got a 65. If I had answered 3 more questions correctly, I would have passed. I honestly believe I would have rather completely bombed and made like a 15 instead of a 65. I was THAT close, within that much of a margin of passing one of the most, if not THE most, difficult test I have ever taken. So close, yet so far. 

I have this weird like, defiance thing going on where I don't want to study because I failed by so little. I know it doesn't make any sense and believe me, I'm studying. I have absolutely fantastic friends who are coders who are going to tutor me these next two weeks as my retake is June 13th. Thankfully I only have to drive an hour each way but the bummer is that the test starts at 7am instead of 8. 

All I know is that I'm going to pass this second attempt come hell or high water because I'm not taking it a third time. I say that now, but if I do so happen to fail, I likely will take it a third time after I say more four letter words than I ever thought possible. I never really thought I would like coding as much as I do, it was actually something I decided to do at the prompting of my "friend" (the quotations are a joke, she's one of my best friends) Myra, so I could make a decent living until I figured out what I wanted to be when I "grow up." Turns out, it's really interesting and it's like putting together a puzzle and I think I would like it even more if I could get a job in an area that I'm interested in. Medical coders make really good money, you typically work 9-5, off holidays and weekends, and you can go anywhere with the certification. If you REALLY like a certain field, you can get a credential like your CRHC which is for Rheumatology, or CCTC which is cardiovascular and thoracic surgery. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is that once I pass my CPC, I have to get ICDM10 certified by October. ICDM codes are disease/diagnosis codes, and I hear that test isn't anything like the CPC exam, so, I hope I hear correctly because I don't know how much more I can take. 

In conclusion, four letter words can make your day better, get your point across very clearly or ruin your entire evening. I'm hopeful that the next four letter words I see on the screen will be P-A-S-S and then I'll get to add 4 letters to the end of my name. Vanessa Kaitlin Freeman, CPC-A. 

(the a is for apprentice status which means I'm new!) 

present!

I'm here! Vanessa Kaitlin Freeman is present and accounted for!  I'm still alive and well...somewhat. I have strep and a double ear infection at the moment and well, I feel like shit. I also felt like writing, so here we are. 

Things on the weightlifting front are good, kind of. My shoulders are both pretty jacked up. Turns out, I had fractured my collar bone and then they found a tumor on an xray. I had a couple of MRIs and everything is fine, but it was still scary for a hot second. My left shoulder will sublux/partially dislocate on command, when I'm in an overhead position. Which for weightlifting is bad news...as snatches and jerks both go overhead. Honestly, I'm not sure where I want to go from here. I like doing cleans, but snatches hurt and I've just been in a funk lately. The entire month of May was so BUSY. The first weekend of may, my mom had her knee replacement surgery. The second weekend I went to Charlotte to watch the Harrisburg meet. Third weekend, I went to visit some friends in Illinois (more on that momentarily) and this weekend was my CPC exam. I've not been able to train like I want, but I'm also not sure that I want to be a weightlifter anymore. I don't know what I want to do, because if you haven't noticed, I'm incredibly indecisive and crazy. surprise. if you are surprised, you must be new here. moving on.

The CPC exam is fresh on my mind because I won't know my results for probably a week or so and I'm kinda worried about it. I don't know why the hell this test isn't on a computer, but it was paper and pencil. I had some PTSD flashbacks from my high school finals. The test was fucking INSANE. It's a LOT of information to begin with, and it's 150 questions which doesn't sound like much unless you know what coding is. It took me 5 hours and 32 minutes (you only get 5 hours 50 minutes) and I only took ONE bathroom break. I feel like it could go either way but I'm leaning towards failure because there was a section on pathology that I had no clue in hell as to what I was really doing. Good news is, though, when I purchased the class the bundled included a retake if you failed. Hopefully I did better than I think I did, which is what everyone is saying, but I also know what was on that test and how many muffins I stress ate during the course of 5 hours. But I digress.

In other more fun news, I think Rebecca and I are moving up to Illinois. We have the best people in the world, whom we love dearly up there and I mean...why not? Neither of us have jobs so special we can't find work elsewhere, we don't have husbands, kids or a mortgage or any ties other than our real family, whom we love just as dearly. I just don't want to live my entire life in Asheville, without experiencing anything else. There is a whole great big America/world out there and I intend to see it. Adventure is out there! Honestly, there's really no reason we can't. If we don't like where we move, we can always come home. IF by some miracle I passed my CPC exam this time, it will also make finding a job MUCH easier. But again, I digress.

I joined weight watchers for the 4920582nd time. They have a special now where if you lose 10lbs in the first two months, they give you your money back. Money is the best motivator for me, apparently, so I'm back on track for now. At the moment I wish I had some real ice cream and not this frozen yogurt business as my throat feels like I swallowed a bunch of knives for dinner. 

So, in the last few weeks I've been on a couple trips, taken an exam I've been studying for, joined weight watchers again and made some huge life deicisons. Sounds about right for my crazy life. I really am writing a book, it's going to be called "The Life of Nessie; a quarter centuries worth of the best mishaps and misadventures a girl could ever find herself in" .... obviously the title is a work in progress, just like my life.

patience

Patience is not, nor has it ever been my strong suit. 

when I was 11, I had harrington rods put in my back, I had to lay at no more than a 35 degree angle or less for a week with all the tubes in the world. I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom. I couldn't sit up to eat, hell I couldn't have anything to eat or drink for a few days. When I finally got some red gatorade to drink, I drank it so fast I threw up. 

When I was 16, I broke my ankle and had to be non-weight bearing for almost 4 months. I couldn't go to school, I had to have a lady come to my house to give me my assignments for school. A week or two before I got my cast removed, I thought it would be a good idea just to "try it out" and see what it felt like to walk, I almost broke one of the pins in my ankle that night. 

I say all that to say this, almost 10 years later I'm still the very same impatient Nessie that I always have been. Right now both of my shoulders are tore up from the floor up, if you will. My left one makes a god awful popping sound every time I externally rotate it, and I can feel it sliding in the socket. Though it's not exactly my right shoulder, it's my right collar bone. Suspected break or fracture that's healed improperly. GREAT NEWS, RIGHT?! Both of those things mean that right now, weightlifting is pretty much a no go. 

I started going to physical therapy because I got desperate. If you've known me for any amount of time at all, you know I hate when people I don't know touch me. So you can imagine that physical therapy is quite the anxious nightmare.  I have a good therapist, his name is Ben and he's about 3 years older than me. He's funny, and bless his heart he tries to make me comfortable. It's just not going to happen right now. I'm trying to stop my anxiousness (see what I did there, anxious-ness... ha, ha) and see PT for what it is, a good thing. I have health insurance and it's going to help. It will. It has to. 

I tried to power clean last night, and got maybe 10 reps in before my shoulder started hurting and my collar bone did too. I could have just had a hex bar deadlift party for 1, did some shoulder 'hab, but I had to be impatient and push. I wanted to be ready for the meet May 9th. However, my PT said that was a bad idea, my shoulder won't be better in that short amount of time and depending on what exactly is wrong with my collar bone, then I could be out of luck for 6 weeks or more. If the PT exercises and the manual therapy stuff doesn't work, then we're gonna x-ray and see what's up. 

I've never really been an athlete, so having an injury that stops me from doing what I want to do sucks harder than a two dollar whore on nickel night. Just so we're all clear on how I feel about this situation. 

I think what that means for me is a huge lesson in patience. to stop trying to get better before I'm better and let my damn shoulder heal. I have at least another 30 years of lifting in my future, so I need to let my joints heal properly so I can be an old lady lifter and kick ass then, too. 

You Can

I participated in my second sanctioned weightlifting meet on Saturday. I got second place and came home with a silver medal. I am just as proud of that medal as I am the bronze one I got at ETSU. I wore it all day, including on the way home. No, I don't think I'm some spectacular weightlifter. I don't think I'm going to the Olympics. I think that I worked hard despite a nagging shoulder and that I was this close to PR'ing my clean and jerk and thus, my total. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I think that I had a really, really good day with people whom I would do anything in the world for.

A couple people have told me "I could never do what you do!" or "I could probably lift the bar, LOL" after hearing me say that I competed this weekend. When I ask why they can't do what I do, they don't really have an answer other than "I can't wear a singlet in front of people" or something equally as silly. 

Was I nervous Saturday? you bet your ass I was. I was terrified, then Nick and Tamara put things in perspective. I wasn't about to be beheaded by Isis, that's something to be scared of. Lifting at this meet? not even on the list of things to be scared of or nervous about. No one was rooting for me to fail, no one was thinking about how I looked like a giant blue m&m in my singlet. I did what a lot of people never do. 

I got up on the platform and I competed. 

I didn't let nerves get the best of me, I didn't use excuses like having to wear a singlet or being afraid of what people would think stop me from doing something I so enjoy. There is no other feeling like it in the world, and you really will meet some amazing people. I enjoy every minute I get to spend with the people on my team. They're smart, funny, supportive, encouraging and yell for me before I even touch the barbell. It makes this thing we do a lot easier, knowing that we have coaches who genuinely give a shit that we are good people first and foremost, and good lifters after that. We also have each other to high five on the way back from a great lift, eat sour patch kids and cookies in the crowd with and to hug on the hard days. If you are ever lucky enough to find a group of people like I've described, hold on to them. It took me years to find something that I enjoy as much as Olympic lifting and I can't tell you how grateful I am for every single person on my team. 

I say all that to say this, if I can do this, you can too. If you want a medal, you have to show up and lift.  

paved with pizza

the road to skinny is paved with pizza.

No, really. It kinda is. You know how? with a balanced diet. I'm not talking about eating pizza 3 meals a day, 7 days a week. I'm talking about having it once a week and being mindful of not overeating. One thing I get a lot is "how did you lose so much weight?!" and the answer is fairly simple. You watch what you eat, and no, I don't mean the "see food" diet. I mean the diet where you count out a serving or pretzels, you weigh your cheese to the gram and you switch to diet Dr.Pepper instead of the real stuff. You drink water until your pee is clear and you stop eating bowls of cereal after dinner. You pick up some weights and move your ass. It's not nearly as complicated as people want to make it. There isn't a magic pill to shrink your fat cells (or fat ass) and there isn't a "detox" (which by the way isn't really a thing unless you're an alcoholic or drug addict...and if you're one of those things and are reading this, you have bigger fish to fry than a few extra pounds).

The one thing people just don't want to accept is that it's hard. It's really fucking hard to lose weight. You have to say no to doughnuts when everyone else is stuffing their faces with fresh Krispy Kreme and if you're like me, you have to learn to deal with the problem instead of eating a candy bar. Because I'll tell you this, an hour after you've eaten said candy bar, the original problem is still there and you've consumed an excess amount of unaccounted for calories. Then I typically feel worse than I did before I ate the candy. I'm not saying you can't have candy, I'm just saying that it needs to be portion controlled and fit in you macros, points or calories, not just your mouth. If you have weight to lose, the best thing I could ever tell you is that you just have to work. Day in and day out, you watch what you eat, you move your ass (especially when you don't feel like it) and deal one day at a time. Stop worrying about the loose skin you're gonna have (if you have a large amount to lose) or being between pants sizes.

One step at a time, keep moving. Stop letting one mishap completely derail you. Just know that it takes time, and it's hard fucking work.

That's how you get down the road to skinny that is paved with pizza.

opening doors.

Opening the door is sometimes a really hard thing to do. 

I know what you're probably thinking, uh for who? toddlers maybe, but not adults.

I don't really mean physically opening doors, I mean I've had a few workouts that made opening doors hard but that's not what I'm getting at. I'm saying that all the times I've been scared to open the door, the best things have happened when I walked inside.

I was working as a telemetry monitor and health unit coordinator in the cardiac unit. I disliked my job because I dislike high stress situations. I dislike 12 hour shifts and having to sleep at the hospital when it's snowing. I loved my coworkers, but not my work. I applied on a whim to a medical billing job in the emergency room, and I considered not going to the interview because it was only part time. If I hadn't, I would have missed out on one of the best jobs I've ever had. I had coworkers who were legitimately like family and I thoroughly enjoyed my work. I moved from less than part time, to part time to full time and at the end of time my time in the ER, I had the most seniority in the group. Things change like always, and it wasn't in the cards for me to stay but I can say that going to that interview was one of my best choices thus far . 

The night before I started working with Darin, I was a mess. I didn't know what was going to happen. If he was going to yell at me Biggest Loser style while I threw up after running on the treadmill for an hour or if he was going to tell me that he couldn't help me. I was so nervous, I threw up in the parking lot at work before I drove to the gym. I was THAT anxious. You know what though? there was no yelling, there was nothing but a tall dude who loved squats and what he did for a living there waiting on me. I worked with Darin in person for 11 months. I lost over 80 pounds during that time and then I worked with him online for almost another year. Walking in the door to One on One Health and Fitness was one of the best things I've ever done. I learned how to exercise, how to move, how to cut calories in healthy ways and I learned that I could do more than I ever thought possible. I survived several boot camps (I say that like they were military boot camps and not voluntary) and had a lot of fun. If I hadn't had the courage to walk in the door at my heaviest weight, I don't know where I would be right now, I just know it wouldn't be half as good as where I am now. 

I considered not even walking in to Asheville Strength. I knew that whoever these people were, they were probably some bad ass lifters who followed strict paleo diets and wouldn't like me because I was overweight. I wouldn't fit in, and I certainly would never be able to do what they did. You know what? I found a group of the some of the smartest, strongest, funniest and most supportive people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I watch them lift at competitions with the same excitement I have before I lift.  To think that I never would have gotten the medal I'm so proud of, and I certainly wouldn't have met these people or found a sport that I enjoy so much makes me sad.. All because I was too scared of what might happen. 

I could sum this whole blog up in a few words. I'm glad I opened the door. 

saying no.

One of the things that is hardest for me is saying no.

saying no to a brownie, a horrible ex boyfriend who is married and asks me to dinner, saying no (please) to extra projects at work. Saying no does not come naturally to me. I am a people pleaser by nature and I am very passive even when I shouldn't be. But one thing I've learned through this whole journey is that willpower, much like your muscles, gets stronger the more you work it. The last 7 days I have tracked every single bite that has went in my mouth. I lost 4 pounds this week, and I am so happy about it. It's hard though, I'm not going to lie. It requires a lot of me packing food and counting out pretzels and making myself get up and get more water to drink at work. I've had less than 20 ounces of Mountain Dew (the nectar of the Gods) this week and that's a record for the last year. I really want to lose 30 pounds before my next meet, and I'm going to fucking do it. I don't know why I picked 30 pounds, because as skinny as I'll ever be, I'll likely always be a "super heavy" aka super, also known as the 75+ to the politically correct among us. I just want, and need, to lose more weight. I'm technically healthy where I am right now. My fasting blood sugar is 82, my cholesterol is fine, my blood pressure is actually on the low side, but I just don't like the way I look, and that's reason enough for me to change.

I've been sticking to weight watchers like my life depends on it. I've eaten a lot of apples and bananas this week. I replaced my breakfast with a protein shake and one of the aforementioned fruits. A snack is usually 22 mini pretzels with 1/2 a tablespoon PB and 1 tablespoon chocolate chips. Lunch is usually shredded chicken salad and fruit, another snack of pretzels and dinner is sometimes a repeat of lunch. It all adds up to what it should, I'm not hungry and ready to cut a bitch and when the time comes that I absolutely can't say no to something like a cupcake or if I need a handful of the "weeklies", I'll pull those out and use them without guilt. I have another 100 pounds to lose and if weight watchers is going to be the thing that keeps me sane, I'll keep using it. It's not complicated and I feel less guilt about food, which I shouldn't feel any to begin with because food is just food but that's what happens when you have a fucked up relationship with food, your body and your mental health. Yeah, I went there. #surprise.

So right now, when all I want is a brownie, I'm going to eat my sugar free orange jello, drink the last 15 ounces of water and go lay down and watch netflix. Tomorrow is a day of apartment hunting, some possible cardio in the forecast and maybe a glass of wine. All I know is that I'm going to be 30 pounds lighter by March 21st and I'm going to get better at saying no.

camp, skwatz and chicken.

We're 4 days in to 2015 and I'm hoping that the rest of the year is half as awesome as the last week has been.

I spent the majority of last week at weightlifting camp! 3 training sessions a day x 7 days. Now, don't get crazy, I didn't go to the 9am sessions because yours truly needs more beauty sleep than the average bear. But, I did go to the 1p and 6p sessions. I was able to snatch 34 kilos twice without pain in my shoulder! which isn't 40 kilos but that will happen this year, too. I had to widen my snatch grip to make it collar to collar, but I can snatch 85% of the time without any discomfort again! I PR'd my power clean at 52 kilos, which was unexpected. I'm a bro-cleaner aka it's like a reverse curl for me but it doesn't feel like that's what I'm doing. Back to the point, camp was da bomb. I learned a lot and got to talk to and lift with some really cool, incredibly strong people. Plus, any time I get to sleep in and then go lift and eat...well, that's a good day in my book.

Speaking of what I'm doing, I joined @Lindseylosingit's diet bet which started yesterday I think! I have 28 days to lose 4% of my weight. It's not an insane amount, but it's a little tricker than I thought. My papaw always says that only fools bet, but I hope he's wrong. I mean, it's kind of like you're betting on yourself. I don't play the ponies on the reg, whatever that means (I'm thinking like the Kentucky derby?) so hopefully we're all good here. If I do lose my 4% I get my money back + a portion of the bank from the people who didn't lose the weight. I also am doing the 21 day squat program/nemesis/challenge thing, so hopefully a metric shit ton of squats will aide me in my quest to get skinnay. I actually never imagined this day would come, but I actually like squats. As many of my faithful followers here know, I absolutely loathed squats for a LONG time. It only took 2 and 1/2 years, but I've come around.

As I sit here typing this, I have everything weighed and measured out and ready for tomorrow. Back to reality, which kinda sucks but that's okay. It's gonna be a good week. I'm sticking to weight watchers at the moments and I lost 3 pounds last week. I'm weighing myself daily so I get used to the fact that it's literally just a number. Like the speed I drive to work, I should have no emotional attachment to that number. I'm a really good person if I weigh 500 pounds just like I'm a really good person if I weigh 50 pounds. Goals are goals, and this year I'm going to meet all of mine. I'm not good at making long term goals with numbers related to my lifts. Nick and Tamara say a 40 kilo snatch isn't a "long term" goal. I would like to hit 40 soon, and by the end of the year maybe 60. Who knows, apparently I don't know my own strength sometimes.

Anyways, I made some really good chicken. You just throw some boneless, skinless chicken bewbs in the crock pot, add in reduced sodium chicken broth plus taco seasoning and let it boil (pronounced bol) for a few hours till you can shred it with forks. I'll eat that for lunch the next couple days in a salad or over some preportioned tortilla chips that I crush up to make me feel like I get more bang for my buck. Over the last few years I've picked up a lot of fun tricks to help make eating better (relative term) easier. Like sugar free jello and popsicles are my jam. 15 calories each, no fat or carbs, so you can legit eat like 5 and be fine. I've also learned there are certain things I can't keep in my house, like cereal. I will eat an entire box in a day, and I haven't met a cereal I don't like. Raisin bran, special K, corn pops, frosted flakes, fruit loops, apple jacks, Oh's, reese's puffs, captain crunch, you name it and I will most likely eat it, cereal wise. So I just don't buy it anymore.

Well that turned in to a lot of rambling to say this. The start of 2015 has been great, and the rest of the year is going to follow suit. My next weightlifting meet is sometime in March, the sanction has to get approved and all that, so it's on like donkey kong.