One day my life will settle down and there will be no need for this blog...
but you know what, I hope that doesn't happen anytime soon. because I'm having FUN now.
problem #1 my hands are straight prison jacked. they're cut up like a bad kilo of cocaine on a blue light special. see what I did there? this is where we at.
So, put on your shocked faces. I did push ups and didn't complain. WHAT. I seriously, I don't even know what's happening to me. I've fallen in LOVE with Olympic lifting and I will do whatever to make it happen. if that means push ups, that's okay. I even did them tonight on my own without someone telling me to. ARE WE IN NARNIA? we must be somewhere magical because that is a miracle in and of itself. I was actually just too scared to complain hahahaha. I've been lifting at Asheville Strength and it's pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself. I'm still in my "deer in the headlights" stage of getting to know people. I probably look terrified the whole time but what I love is that it's fun. There's no group workout, you just show up, do your work, have fun and leave. I did my very first prowler pushes yesterday, I also learned to snatch, not crossfit style. 2 hours there doesn't feel ANYTHING like 2 hours at The Rush. 45 minutes there and I'm DONE. The best part? how I feel when I leave Asheville Strength. Like I've accomplished something and I have a goal in mind and it's actually attainable in not 100 years. I think so, at least. Some days I get a little/lot miffed that I've let myself backslide so much and then I remember that I'm human, and this does. not. end. with a number on a scale. When I see 150 (I'm just throwing out numbers) that doesn't mean it's back to mountain dews and poptarts. Maintenance is a whole new beast. I'm just really, really happy with the way things are going right now. Today was weigh in, and I lost 1.4 pounds, bringing me up to minus 8 in 3 weeks, which is pretty good. I even had a few bad days, and by bad days I mean not so good dinners, but 1 meal doesn't make or break you...for me, at least. One of the hardest things I'm dealing with right now is letting myself be a beginner. I don't know everything and I won't know everything. Being a beginner is rough, because I feel like no one else at the gym is even half as bad as me right now, but I kept telling myself last night. Is it anyone else's 2nd night? just you? OKAY. CHILL OUT. No one is expecting Holly Mangold. Chill. the. fuck. out. I feel like such an uncoordinated jackass, and I need to work on aggression...and well, if you know me, aggression is the last thing I think you would see from me. It's just not my thing, at all, ever.
I will say this. I am sore as FUCK. My traps, abs, shoulders and calves feel like they're going to FALL OFF. I get on edge when someone even gets close to touching my traps at the moment. Stand too close to me at work and see how fast I move away from you. I'm really being a huge baby, but seriously. Snatches are the only thing that's hit them that hard. I have some mobility work to do tonight and well, I'm blogging right now. haha, I just know a lacrosse ball anywhere near my shoulders/traps/calves is going to be a real treat.
Anyways, I'm off to a hot Epsom salt bath with watermelon bubble bath in it because well, I'm 18 I do what I want. and by 18 I mean almost 25. Damn. I'm getting old. But that's all for this episode of wow, it's almost been 2 years and she's still blogging and I'm still reading. So who's the real winner here? I'll let you decide :)
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
hard to follow.
I just feel like talking right now, and this is the best way I know how. I do better writing than I do verbally. so here goes. it may be a longer post than usual and it may be hard to follow, but like I've said for the last almost two years. my mouth, my blog, my rules.
I was talking to Kirsten earlier this week about how much has changed. like, where I was at the beginning and where I am now. night and day. It's SO easy for me to be hard on myself and say that I got to -107 pounds then started fucking up and gained roughly a total of 20 pounds back. Well guess what, there's also this thing called life. My brother died (yes I'm still singing that song) and my world got shook up. It's weird because it's like because he was my brother I didn't see what everyone else saw. I didn't think the statistics applied to him. He was an addict, and I KNOW drugs kill people. But it was like everyone but him. He was always the exception to the rule, but he really wasn't. Addiction ends in 1 of 3 ways, sobriety, prison or death and I think I knew subconsciously that sobriety wasn't going to happen. I stopped counting Tuesdays. I noticed that yesterday. Every week since he died I would think "it's been 10 Tuesdays since I've seen him", that kind of thing. But I also realized that he wouldn't want me to be sad every fucking Tuesday for the rest of my life. It doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt because believe me. losing a sibling is a pain you feel in the depths of your soul, but it just means that I'm moving on a little. I don't know if that's the best way to say it. More like maybe healing a little. It wasn't a little thing, and it took a while for me to really, truly realize that he's gone and I honestly don't think I still completely have. I have my regrets, but I also know that my brother did and would have forgiven me for anything and always wanted me to be happy, no matter what it meant. SO, I will spend the rest of my life learning to be happy missing a piece of my heart.
Anyways, today marks 1 week and 3 days of weight watchers. I've stuck to everything 95%, and I feel good about it. That's the first time that has happened since September. I got to the gym a couple times, did I do everything I should have? maybe not. Did I sweat for at least half an hour, and enjoy myself? absolutely. I'm having a hard time trusting that weight watchers will work, and that I will work. I try to remind myself constantly that it's better to be 100% consistent with a few little things, then add to that little by little rather than doing 5 HUGE things 50 percent of the time. I'm still using a lot of what Darin taught me and what I've learned and researched over the last two years. Like I use 3 points for a protein shake post workout and fruit is 0 points, so I eat a banana or some pineapple and keep it as close to 0 grams of fat as possible. I also noticed today when I was grocery shopping that a lot of my food was the same stuff I was buying when I was IIFYM'ing/meal planning/whatever. I get a little more freedom at the moment with weight watchers because I get a metric fuck ton of points on the daily but I've actually eaten most of them. I honestly think the points I get would equal out to roughly the same macros I got from Darin. Instead, I just keep track of 1 number and get a little extra flexibility in the fruit department. I'm supposed to weigh in tomorrow and I'm getting weird about it. Like I want to push it back a day because I used some of my weekly cheat points on some Chinese food and know I'm holding water and the scale will reflect that. I lost my "who gives a fuck" attitude, but I'm trying to remain calm. I just need to get back my weight loss game, even though I really already have. I've gotten my water in, tracked my food and got some workouts. IT WILL ALL COME TOGETHER. Maybe not tomorrow morning, but eventually. I turned down papa john's pizza tonight because I had my Chinese last night. I don't feel deprived, papa john's is not going out of business and it won't be the last time I can eat pizza. I'm choosing to stay within my points and guidelines I've set for myself because it matters, and I would rather eat what I'm supposed to and NOT feel super guilty in half an hour than spend the rest of the evening wallowing in my fat girl guilt that once again I couldn't turn down pizza. Can't or won't? let that sink in for a minute.
I went to the gym today and did an old shoulders/bicep workout from back in August that Darin had written up, still just as kick ass as I remember. Especially all the lateral raises, good thing I love those or it would have been a rough day. I also ran half a mile, I probably would have sucked it up and continued but I am SO self-conscious about how loud I am when I run. It doesn't really matter, and I shouldn't care but I do. I ended up doing the biceps portion of that workout in the "ladyz" room at the rush because there were SO MANY freakin people there and once I noticed how many, I got antsy and had to go somewhere else.
speaking of the gym and going somewhere else. I went to zumba Saturday morning because Alan is my favorite instructor, and I was walking out and happen to see something that made my head spin. I understand that different things motivate different people. I really, really do. BUT, I walked out of the class to see a "fit coach" literally, legitimately screaming "I said come on" to this woman who looked like she was about to cry/pass out/throw up. I couldn't stop myself from talking to the manager, I just can't handle shit like that. If she had taken that yelling and cranked out a few more reps, I would have went on about my business but she physically looked sick. I don't know if homeboy had seen a few too many episodes of the biggest loser or what, but you are not bob harper and this is not a game show, this is her life and instead of yelling and embarrassing her how about some encouragement? shit like that just bothers me. Especially because she's PAYING for that. The manager said that it's always outsiders reporting this dude, never his clients. probably because they're scared they're going to get punched in the face or something equally violent. If I see this lady again I'm probably going to talk to her about it, mostly because I'm curious and I am honestly concerned. these are the things that keep me up at night.
anyways, that's my weekly rambling. I'm working on an epic video for next week full of stuff that never made it to my last video and things that you probably don't need to know. STAY TUNED.
I was talking to Kirsten earlier this week about how much has changed. like, where I was at the beginning and where I am now. night and day. It's SO easy for me to be hard on myself and say that I got to -107 pounds then started fucking up and gained roughly a total of 20 pounds back. Well guess what, there's also this thing called life. My brother died (yes I'm still singing that song) and my world got shook up. It's weird because it's like because he was my brother I didn't see what everyone else saw. I didn't think the statistics applied to him. He was an addict, and I KNOW drugs kill people. But it was like everyone but him. He was always the exception to the rule, but he really wasn't. Addiction ends in 1 of 3 ways, sobriety, prison or death and I think I knew subconsciously that sobriety wasn't going to happen. I stopped counting Tuesdays. I noticed that yesterday. Every week since he died I would think "it's been 10 Tuesdays since I've seen him", that kind of thing. But I also realized that he wouldn't want me to be sad every fucking Tuesday for the rest of my life. It doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt because believe me. losing a sibling is a pain you feel in the depths of your soul, but it just means that I'm moving on a little. I don't know if that's the best way to say it. More like maybe healing a little. It wasn't a little thing, and it took a while for me to really, truly realize that he's gone and I honestly don't think I still completely have. I have my regrets, but I also know that my brother did and would have forgiven me for anything and always wanted me to be happy, no matter what it meant. SO, I will spend the rest of my life learning to be happy missing a piece of my heart.
Anyways, today marks 1 week and 3 days of weight watchers. I've stuck to everything 95%, and I feel good about it. That's the first time that has happened since September. I got to the gym a couple times, did I do everything I should have? maybe not. Did I sweat for at least half an hour, and enjoy myself? absolutely. I'm having a hard time trusting that weight watchers will work, and that I will work. I try to remind myself constantly that it's better to be 100% consistent with a few little things, then add to that little by little rather than doing 5 HUGE things 50 percent of the time. I'm still using a lot of what Darin taught me and what I've learned and researched over the last two years. Like I use 3 points for a protein shake post workout and fruit is 0 points, so I eat a banana or some pineapple and keep it as close to 0 grams of fat as possible. I also noticed today when I was grocery shopping that a lot of my food was the same stuff I was buying when I was IIFYM'ing/meal planning/whatever. I get a little more freedom at the moment with weight watchers because I get a metric fuck ton of points on the daily but I've actually eaten most of them. I honestly think the points I get would equal out to roughly the same macros I got from Darin. Instead, I just keep track of 1 number and get a little extra flexibility in the fruit department. I'm supposed to weigh in tomorrow and I'm getting weird about it. Like I want to push it back a day because I used some of my weekly cheat points on some Chinese food and know I'm holding water and the scale will reflect that. I lost my "who gives a fuck" attitude, but I'm trying to remain calm. I just need to get back my weight loss game, even though I really already have. I've gotten my water in, tracked my food and got some workouts. IT WILL ALL COME TOGETHER. Maybe not tomorrow morning, but eventually. I turned down papa john's pizza tonight because I had my Chinese last night. I don't feel deprived, papa john's is not going out of business and it won't be the last time I can eat pizza. I'm choosing to stay within my points and guidelines I've set for myself because it matters, and I would rather eat what I'm supposed to and NOT feel super guilty in half an hour than spend the rest of the evening wallowing in my fat girl guilt that once again I couldn't turn down pizza. Can't or won't? let that sink in for a minute.
I went to the gym today and did an old shoulders/bicep workout from back in August that Darin had written up, still just as kick ass as I remember. Especially all the lateral raises, good thing I love those or it would have been a rough day. I also ran half a mile, I probably would have sucked it up and continued but I am SO self-conscious about how loud I am when I run. It doesn't really matter, and I shouldn't care but I do. I ended up doing the biceps portion of that workout in the "ladyz" room at the rush because there were SO MANY freakin people there and once I noticed how many, I got antsy and had to go somewhere else.
speaking of the gym and going somewhere else. I went to zumba Saturday morning because Alan is my favorite instructor, and I was walking out and happen to see something that made my head spin. I understand that different things motivate different people. I really, really do. BUT, I walked out of the class to see a "fit coach" literally, legitimately screaming "I said come on" to this woman who looked like she was about to cry/pass out/throw up. I couldn't stop myself from talking to the manager, I just can't handle shit like that. If she had taken that yelling and cranked out a few more reps, I would have went on about my business but she physically looked sick. I don't know if homeboy had seen a few too many episodes of the biggest loser or what, but you are not bob harper and this is not a game show, this is her life and instead of yelling and embarrassing her how about some encouragement? shit like that just bothers me. Especially because she's PAYING for that. The manager said that it's always outsiders reporting this dude, never his clients. probably because they're scared they're going to get punched in the face or something equally violent. If I see this lady again I'm probably going to talk to her about it, mostly because I'm curious and I am honestly concerned. these are the things that keep me up at night.
anyways, that's my weekly rambling. I'm working on an epic video for next week full of stuff that never made it to my last video and things that you probably don't need to know. STAY TUNED.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
and the surprises just keep coming. and some pictures.
how much can change in the course of a week?
let me just tell you.
whew. it's been a week. First things first, I rejoined weight watchers and today is day 4 of adherence which is legit a new record for me. I'm 6.6 pounds down (water weight) and weight watchers gave me MORE points to eat because they want to slow my weight loss. No thank you, I adjusted it back down to what it was. Mostly because I'm not going to lose 6 pounds next week. I'm not retarded. But anyways usually after 2 days of decency, I get a case of the fuck its. But I've been eating what I want, just either halving it to make it fit my points or changing around other meals. I'm likely going to be shot in the head at some point for this next statement but IIFYM and Weight Watchers have a LOT in common. Like you legitimately can eat what you want as long as you can make the numbers work. nothing is off limits, except get this. I bought this box of pasta salad like months ago and Rebecca and I were going through the cabinets taking inventory....ONE serving of this hidden valley ranch pasta salad TAKING YOUR JUDGING FACES OFF, has 56 POINTS. FIFTY. FUCKING. SIX. I mean granted it's made with milk, mayo and some ranch seasoning and I bet it's absolutely delish, it has 80 grams of fat in LESS than 1 cup of it prepared as directed. So needless to say it's going elsewhere that is not my belly. I can't fit that in my points but I couldn't fit that in my macros either. Weight watchers lets you off the hook with the carbs in fruit and stuff, but I'm also not eating 10 bananas a day either. I don't love bananas anymore, I gagged on one. Mine basically have to be green for me to eat them, ripe bananas (every time I have to type that I sing the "this shit is bananas, b a n a n a s" song from Gwen Stefani, that I don't remember the name of so I remember how to spell it). And I've gotten a gallon in,4 days in a row. I just decided that I'm giving weight watchers a LEGIT 4 weeks of effort. period. I don't give anything enough time to work because I'm SO impatient. So there's that.
and there's the fact that I enrolled in the AAPC CPC course. American Association of Professional Coders, Certified Professional Coder.
I have to get all this knowledge
in my weee little brain. Ha! just kidding, 3 of those massive books (ICDM9, CPT and HCPCS 2) get to go to the test with me because they're legit just pages of numbers in size 5 font.
and this is like a legit class format. I haven't taken a college class in a few years, because I'm not super good at that. I thought this would be my like ACSM CPT stuff, where you study on your own then take the test. NOPE. I have a "teacher" who I have to email to grade my chapter work then take the chapter test and you have 2 attempts on everything to make a 70. On the chapter test, if you dont make a 70 you have one more attempt then you basically have to appeal and ask for a redo. Let's all hope that doesn't happen to me. So far so good though, I think my overall average is a 97 but it's just insurance basics, anatomy and medical terminology..aka everything I've learned being a CNA and working at the hospital the last 5 years. Its a 16 week class, and I'm 1 week in and on chapter 3, so here's to being off to a good start.
I'm also on my own at the moment as far as workouts go. I put things on hold with Darin for a few weeks. I wasn't doing anything like I should be (DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR) and it was just not gonna get any better. you know what? maybe it's time for me to be on my own for a bit. Darin cant be telling me what to do on the weekly for the next 60 years. I mean, at some point I have to be responsible and I have to live with the choices I make. So, if in 4 weeks I've crashed and burned (I'm 50/50 on the whole situation at the moment) we'll go from there. I have the rest of my life to get good at all this and right now I'm just trying to get back to a place where following any kind of plan isn't so foreign. I'm treating every day like it's the first day. and so far, so good. The decent method you follow is better than the perfect method you quit.
Where do I go from here? wherever the fuck I want. I've been at this for almost 2 years and I've done way too much work and spent entirely too much time, money, effort and sweat to go back to where I started. fuck that. I'm actually beginning to like me. So no more back sliding. I've spent the last 7 months in a constant backslide.
I started here.
Now we here. baby traps. and new glasses and hair and a tank top. AND I'M AT THE GYM.
I think there's about 85 pounds of difference in those two pictures, as far as weight goes. My plan is to lose all the weight and get all the muscles and do all the things. Errthang I want. Right now, that means I'm off to do a leg workout, go to the grocery store and some homework.
there's your monthly dose of weird pictures and cussing.
you. are. welcome.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
I'm still hereee
so it's been a minute longer than I thought. whoops. I'm still alive and kickin.
but i'm back.
and not in video form. that is kinda a pain in my ass and I ramble a lot more on video and I have no earthly idea how to edit them on this HP. so, we go back to using our pequino ojos to read this literary masterpiece. I know you all missed me.
I work in a pretty large building with the majority of my coworkers being women. That being said, someone somewhere in the building is always on a diet. and talking about a diet. Until you get to know me, it's pretty safe to say I'm (fairly) shy and quiet and I always think you should listen any chance you get. Everyone has something important to say (if it is true, relevant to you, or you agree with it is a whole different story) and people will always tell you more than they want you to know. Always. So, I overhear a lot of what people do in order to lose weight. Cleary I am not one to judge, but it's so hard for me not to just yell PLEASE DONT to people. "I don't really care how much fat is in this salad dressing, just about the calories", "I'm eating 1100 calories a day and have lost 8 pounds in 5 days", "i'm only eating cabbage soup", "I don't eat carbs.". I'm not a know it all by nature (okay maybe), and I certainly don't know everything about nutrition but I'll tell you what I have learned. If you don't like it, you're not going to keep it up. If it's super restrictive, good luck maintaining your weight loss. If you cut out carbs completely, Jesus take the wheel. Carbs are the limiting energy substrate, and you start to feel like shit, I assume at least for the first few weeks. I know some people function okay like that. From what I know of the paleo diet, I think it's pretty low carb (don't quote me on that) but I don't think I'm running on too much of a carb deficit (actually according to myfitnesspal I KNOW I'm not) at the moment so I'm fine. Actually, today I just completely said fuck it and didn't even put forth an effort and my numbers have plummeted. I'm usually around at least 125 of protein (today I've had 48), 140 carbs (today I've had 195) and 60 fat (today I've 38)...I think we all know where those carbs came from. lime green liquid. But anyways, I'm not here to confess my sins as I am not catholic nor do I want to be. I just am finding it harder and harder to keep my trap shut when I hear this ridiculous stuff because I don't understand how it doesn't sound ridiculous to anyone else. There is more to food than calories. I learned that the hard way, and it's okay because I learned it. I guess everyone has to do their own thing and find what works for them, I'm just saying I have to grit my teeth often.
anyways, on somewhat of the same note, let's talk about something else. 2 years in June. I've been going to the gym somewhat, like 80 percent consistently for 2 freakin years. what. If you had asked me when I first started where I thought I would be in 2 years, I would have said 125lbs and perfect. HA. First of all my dead, lifeless, dehydrated body will likely not weigh 125lbs. I'm almost 6 feet tall. Second of all, I would look emaciated. aka not attractive/healthy. I've pretty much lost around 30 pounds this year (june 13- june 14), and to be honest while I'm a little pissed, I'm okay with that too because a lot has happened in the last year. #1 being my brother died, and that will shake you up a bit, and I've moved out and gotten a new job. Life happened. I also have gotten a little more muscles and gotten better at a few things. Still no push ups, and likely there will never be a push up done ever again if I have anything to do with it. I can deadlift 185 two times, I still can't bench much more than the bar, and I learned to back squat (thanks Kevin!) and front squat, I tried crossfit again and almost died (again), I mean there's still a lot to be proud of. Mostly that I haven't just said fuck it completely, which some days I feel like doing. I just should probably calm down. There are two days in your life you can't do anything about. Yesterday and tomorrow. So my focus is on doing what I can today, and we'll see how that goes.
So, I think we all know once I get on something, I get carried away and currently it's mobility. WEIRD. Because usually I could give a fuck less about stretching and all that jazz. I'm just being honest. But anyways, I found this dude named Kelly Starrett (I think) the guy that does MobilityWOD videos) and my right shoulder has been killing me lately and I don't know why, so i'm all up on that. I bought some tennis balls and a lacrosse ball, and that shit is no joke btw. I act like now i'm a physical therapist and know everything and have all this crazy shit i'm trying to do to fix it. Like I know what the hell I'm doing. ha. but today I was trying to sit up straight at work because I sit in some WEIRD positions at work because I sit all day at my desk (and walk to the printer like 200 times an hour....maybe like 2 times in reality) but anyways, I sat up straight for like 3 minutes and was like. WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDS HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK. I can't function like that. I usually sit with one of my legs under me, leaning forward on my left elbow looking up at my computer screens. That's basically yoga. that's what it counts as, I've decided. But anyways, that's what I'm focused on right now. we'll see how long that lasts. ha. if I could get focused on cardio I'd be golden. I'm still trying to swim and i'm actually getting a little better at it. I can swim like half a lap before I feel like dying.
Anyways, that's where we at right now. I bought a jar of nutella and that was probably the worst idea I've ever had because now I just want to eat it by the spoonful every time I go in the kitchen. I need there to be a rule, like anything you eat after 7pm doesn't count. Like a black hole for macros. But alas, I guess until I figure out how to make a black hole, I'm out of luck. I need new music for my gym playlist so if anyone has any suggestions FEEL FREE TO LEAVE THEM. Because I am so sick of what I have on my "lift all the things!" playlist on spotify.
with that, I'm off to go see the wizard. Just kidding, I'm going over to Pam's tonight. and avoiding this jar of nutella like the plague. I don't know why I bought it. really. ANYWAYS. bye.
but i'm back.
and not in video form. that is kinda a pain in my ass and I ramble a lot more on video and I have no earthly idea how to edit them on this HP. so, we go back to using our pequino ojos to read this literary masterpiece. I know you all missed me.
I work in a pretty large building with the majority of my coworkers being women. That being said, someone somewhere in the building is always on a diet. and talking about a diet. Until you get to know me, it's pretty safe to say I'm (fairly) shy and quiet and I always think you should listen any chance you get. Everyone has something important to say (if it is true, relevant to you, or you agree with it is a whole different story) and people will always tell you more than they want you to know. Always. So, I overhear a lot of what people do in order to lose weight. Cleary I am not one to judge, but it's so hard for me not to just yell PLEASE DONT to people. "I don't really care how much fat is in this salad dressing, just about the calories", "I'm eating 1100 calories a day and have lost 8 pounds in 5 days", "i'm only eating cabbage soup", "I don't eat carbs.". I'm not a know it all by nature (okay maybe), and I certainly don't know everything about nutrition but I'll tell you what I have learned. If you don't like it, you're not going to keep it up. If it's super restrictive, good luck maintaining your weight loss. If you cut out carbs completely, Jesus take the wheel. Carbs are the limiting energy substrate, and you start to feel like shit, I assume at least for the first few weeks. I know some people function okay like that. From what I know of the paleo diet, I think it's pretty low carb (don't quote me on that) but I don't think I'm running on too much of a carb deficit (actually according to myfitnesspal I KNOW I'm not) at the moment so I'm fine. Actually, today I just completely said fuck it and didn't even put forth an effort and my numbers have plummeted. I'm usually around at least 125 of protein (today I've had 48), 140 carbs (today I've had 195) and 60 fat (today I've 38)...I think we all know where those carbs came from. lime green liquid. But anyways, I'm not here to confess my sins as I am not catholic nor do I want to be. I just am finding it harder and harder to keep my trap shut when I hear this ridiculous stuff because I don't understand how it doesn't sound ridiculous to anyone else. There is more to food than calories. I learned that the hard way, and it's okay because I learned it. I guess everyone has to do their own thing and find what works for them, I'm just saying I have to grit my teeth often.
anyways, on somewhat of the same note, let's talk about something else. 2 years in June. I've been going to the gym somewhat, like 80 percent consistently for 2 freakin years. what. If you had asked me when I first started where I thought I would be in 2 years, I would have said 125lbs and perfect. HA. First of all my dead, lifeless, dehydrated body will likely not weigh 125lbs. I'm almost 6 feet tall. Second of all, I would look emaciated. aka not attractive/healthy. I've pretty much lost around 30 pounds this year (june 13- june 14), and to be honest while I'm a little pissed, I'm okay with that too because a lot has happened in the last year. #1 being my brother died, and that will shake you up a bit, and I've moved out and gotten a new job. Life happened. I also have gotten a little more muscles and gotten better at a few things. Still no push ups, and likely there will never be a push up done ever again if I have anything to do with it. I can deadlift 185 two times, I still can't bench much more than the bar, and I learned to back squat (thanks Kevin!) and front squat, I tried crossfit again and almost died (again), I mean there's still a lot to be proud of. Mostly that I haven't just said fuck it completely, which some days I feel like doing. I just should probably calm down. There are two days in your life you can't do anything about. Yesterday and tomorrow. So my focus is on doing what I can today, and we'll see how that goes.
So, I think we all know once I get on something, I get carried away and currently it's mobility. WEIRD. Because usually I could give a fuck less about stretching and all that jazz. I'm just being honest. But anyways, I found this dude named Kelly Starrett (I think) the guy that does MobilityWOD videos) and my right shoulder has been killing me lately and I don't know why, so i'm all up on that. I bought some tennis balls and a lacrosse ball, and that shit is no joke btw. I act like now i'm a physical therapist and know everything and have all this crazy shit i'm trying to do to fix it. Like I know what the hell I'm doing. ha. but today I was trying to sit up straight at work because I sit in some WEIRD positions at work because I sit all day at my desk (and walk to the printer like 200 times an hour....maybe like 2 times in reality) but anyways, I sat up straight for like 3 minutes and was like. WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDS HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK. I can't function like that. I usually sit with one of my legs under me, leaning forward on my left elbow looking up at my computer screens. That's basically yoga. that's what it counts as, I've decided. But anyways, that's what I'm focused on right now. we'll see how long that lasts. ha. if I could get focused on cardio I'd be golden. I'm still trying to swim and i'm actually getting a little better at it. I can swim like half a lap before I feel like dying.
Anyways, that's where we at right now. I bought a jar of nutella and that was probably the worst idea I've ever had because now I just want to eat it by the spoonful every time I go in the kitchen. I need there to be a rule, like anything you eat after 7pm doesn't count. Like a black hole for macros. But alas, I guess until I figure out how to make a black hole, I'm out of luck. I need new music for my gym playlist so if anyone has any suggestions FEEL FREE TO LEAVE THEM. Because I am so sick of what I have on my "lift all the things!" playlist on spotify.
with that, I'm off to go see the wizard. Just kidding, I'm going over to Pam's tonight. and avoiding this jar of nutella like the plague. I don't know why I bought it. really. ANYWAYS. bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)