new year, same sass.

CHRISTMAS IS OVER YA'LL. For Christmas I got a shit ton of makeup and money (my two favorite things) but sleeping past 6am was the best gift of all.

Moving on to more important things, my dashboard for this blog shows me how many times I blogged in each year, and in 2012 I blogged 88 times. This year it's less than 10, so whoops. But when I read back on some of my posts, I noticed a couple things.

1. I was incredibly hard on myself.
2. I was also incredibly mean to myself.
3. I whined about push-ups a LOT. and squats.
4. I ramble. 
5. I learned a lot. 

I guess with age comes wisdom or whatever the fuck they say (who is "they" anyways?) but I've been trying to lose weight for a little over 5 weeks now. I've lost 12 pounds and I didn't change a whole lot. I went without any kind of pop (when I say "I went without coke" it sounds a lot like I'm talking about cocaine) of any kind. I had some Dr.Pepper a couple days ago but that's been it. My current plan for everything has been kind of a "do the best you can without driving yourself bat shit crazy trying to be perfect" approach. So far so good. I went to the gym and did cardio, have yet to pick up a weight, I don't know if it's because I go to the gym at peak hours and I'm intimated and anxious in a large space with a lot of people or just because I don't want to. I do have a lot more restrictions on what I can do weight-wise with my back the way it is. No mas deadlifts is rule numero uno per my neurosurgeon. If this was 5 years ago I'd probably say fuck it but I've felt the pain that's associated with not doing what you're told. I'm not as hardcore/stupid as I used to be. I'm still debating the weight loss surgery. We'll see though. I ordered myself a nice christmas gift of a polar ft4 in lime green, it was a solid 30 dollars difference between that and the pink one and idgaf about the color. I also got some salted caramel protein, hoping that it doesn't taste like salty ass. 

I start classes 1/9 and also a new job. I took a job with Asheville Gastro doing claims management aka what I've been doing the last almost 4 years until I took this job. I'm thinking that between juggling 2 (maybe 3) classes on subject matter I don't know much about with working 40 hours plus trying to get back on my weight loss grind, well, things may get tricky. Time management hasn't been my forte but I guess like everything else, I'm gonna learn how to get good at that too. 

So with the new year fast approaching I've been thinking. I don't know if I have resolutions because I'm still the same sassy bitch everyone has come to know and love over the last 5 years. I don't see that changing anytime soon but I do have some more short term goals. They are as follows;

1. Have fun. don't make this a drag or a huge source of stress (that's what college is for)
2. Be happy. don't let little things control so much of your day.
3. Be smart.  work smarter AND harder. You don't get the ass you want by sitting on the one you have. 
4.  3a (i can't make this format change so 4.3a is now officially a number) Stop attending every argument I'm invited to. Be smart about who I choose to engage with. If we're friends on facebook you probably saw where I spent a decent portion of a day arguing over hb2. I let myself get a lot more riled up over it than I should have, but if you've known me for any length of time you know that I am incredibly opinionated and passionate about what I believe in. So 2017 will be a year of chill. 

that also equates to losing 50 pounds this year and getting back out of the pre-diabetes range. At my lowest weight my fasting glucose was 73. Right now (by that I mean like back in April) it was 98. 

So nothing super exciting happening here except everything changing all at once and I'm trying to prepare myself for that. It's about to be 2017, the year of massive weight loss, healthy habits and 4.0 GPAs.  My first instinct, just so yall know, is to say "when pigs fly" to that 4.0 GPA but I'm smart AF, I just have to actually do the work...which also applies to the weight loss thing. 

Anywhoozle, I'm off to pack my gym bag and get ready for an exciting week of werk werk werk werk werk. 

xoxo,

Vanessa 

here we go again

Hello from North Carolina!

SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING.

1. Fuck Donald Trump. He's literally the worst. My predictions for the next four years include a lot of scandals and wars because this Cheeto Hitler can't handle his own twitter account. He's too busy tweeting about how the theater kids are talking to Mike Pence and SNL is making fun of him. Here's a thought, don't give them so much material you igorant fuckface.

2. I'm going back to school. Back to school, back to school, to prove to dad I'm not a fool... jk it has nothing to do with my parents and everything to do with me being sick of healthcare. Digital Media Technology will be my new program. It seems to be a mix of software development, graphic design and my electives are likely going to be marketing classes. I'm doing two online classes starting in January because I want to avoid going to actual school for as long as possible.

3. I'm having weight loss surgery. I've been thinking about this for a while and talked over everything with my favorite Lindsay. I went to the seminar and signed up, my first real appointment is in January because that's when my deductible and out of pocket costs start over and i'm sure as fuck not paying all this money in December to have it count for nothing in January. I've been actively trying to lose weight because Mission's program makes you lose 5 percent of your weight before they schedule the procedure. I decided on the sleeve instead of gastric bypass, and I'm super nervous and excited about it all. I haven't had any carbonated drinks including diet in almost 2 weeks. I've replaced breakfast with a protein shake, lunch too. Dinner is just a whatever I feel like as long as portions are reasonable. I've lost 10ish pounds but today was a shit show. I'm an emotional eater, but tomorrow will be better. I'm trying to stop with the all in or all out mentality. I'm going to start throwing in 20 minutes, 3x a week, cardio sessions and go from there. Maybe do some lifting if I'm feeling froggy.

4. My mama has cancer. Also fyi tihs list is in no order of importance, duh. Breast cancer, she starts chemo on the 15th. She's going to be just fine, but it's just weird to hear that your mom as cancer. You hear about it happening to other people but you never imagine it to be your own mom.

That's pretty much it. It seems like a lot when I write it out and it is, i guess, but I feel like this is the norm for me. Busy, insane and scary. I'm the same old Nessie I've always been tho, sassy as fuck, obsessing over calories and spending too much time on instagram.

See ya when I see ya, internet friends <3

guess who's back...back again

I mean if you're looking for the Backstreet Boys, you've come to the wrong place. It's just me!

So remember how back in May I was talkin' bout how happy I was here in Illinois minus missing my friends, family and hometown? well, I'm coming back to Asheville for more than a visit, I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home (I am really in to song lyrics tonight, if you couldn't tell.) As much as I will miss my friends here there really is no place like home. I'll be home mid-September and I was going to start school this fall but chickened out. I'm interested in a degree in social work but the program at ETSU (East Tennessee State) is super competitive and my transcript is rather...well, I guess a good word for it is embarrassing. The only 2 classes I have A's in are literature based research, and get this "success and study skills." LOL. But I didn't want to start classes and then end up quitting (per my usual) halfway through the semester. So I'll start in January and hope for the best.

I was reading through some of my older blogs and can I just say that Jesus and his teen mom Mary, I was incredibly mean to myself. Nothing I ever did was good enough and if I wasn't calling myself a cow, I was complaining about push ups. Which, nothing changing in that area, they're still the worst. I've been doing cardio twice a week for like 20 minutes and then laying in the floor of the gym until I stop wheezing. I use the corporate gym where I work and it's fancy AF. There's usually never anyone in the entire gym when I use it, which is why I can wheeze in the floor without someone calling 911. I mean, is twice a week really enough? probably not, but it's better than 0 times a week. Next thing to get the boot is the Mountain Dew habit. I act like I'm basically snorting cocaine but sugar is super addictive, FYI ya'll. And speaking of ya'll I'll be glad when I get home and people stop asking me where I'm from constantly.  I mean, ain't nothin' in the whole wide world like a southern girl but people here act surprised when they realize I'm smart AF (at work smart, not real life smart).

I mean, there really wasn't a point to this blog other than to remind everyone at home that you're not off the hook, I will be back.  I'm hoping that once I get back to Asheville and settled I can start going to Gold's gym and doing Zumba again, which was my jam. I also liked the 30 minute spin class I did on Sundays. What's weird is gyms around here don't really have classes, but I'm rambling. So with that, I'm going to make like a baby and head out aka lay on my couch and watch netflix. TGIF, ya'll.

xoxo
-Vanessa

I ate only vegetables for a week, and this is what happened...

LOL we all know that’s nothing but clickbait and bullshit, but WELCOME BACK YA’LL. 

Here I am! I’m still alive! I didn’t know when I named this blog “a chance to start over” (ACTSO for short) that it would actually be a legit title for the next few years. I’ve been here in Naperville since August and I have to say, minus missing my family and friends, I’m pretty happy here. Though that statement sounds pretty depressing…”other than missing everyone I know and love, I’m happy here!” But really. It sucks not being able to drive down to my parent’s house whenever I feel like it, or living less than 2 miles from my best friend but this change was what I needed. What’s been happening these last, idk, 8 months? I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED. First things first I got a cat. If you’ve been living under a rock/don’t have the Instagram, his name is Kevin Eugene Flynn Rider and he’s sassy as fuck and I love him so much most of the time…when he’s behaving. I don’t love him so much when he’s under my bed meowing like an alien at 3am, sticking his paws in the toilet or looking me in the eye as he uses my couch for a scratching post as an act of direct defiance but I have not yet carried out on my threats to turn him in to a purse or take him back to the shelter. I think based on my reactions to my sleep being interrupted or him needing attention we can all agree that motherhood will not suit me well. Good thing that’s not in the cards for me, and I say that with about 98% certainty. I guess you can’t just shove your newborn in the hall and close your door and call it a night. I mean call me (maybe) mean if you want but I have to be able to function at work, kitty treat’s aint fo’ free. Kevin doesn’t seem to understand that though and I’m sure my neighbors are tired of hearing me yell “KEVIN!” but to be fair I’m tired of a little girl named Alyssa screaming her head off at bath time, promptly 7:30pm every night.

Work is going well, they seem to think I’m excellent at my job which is fine by me. I’ve made a friend, her name is Courtney and if she’s reading this trash HELLO FRIEND! She shares her pretzels with me and I share my sass. It’s not really a fair trade (sorry Charlie/Courtney) but it is what it is. I’m on “flex time” at work which is a reward for going above the production standards for more than 90 days. I can’t be “late” I can float my hours, I can come in at 6 one day, 730 the next, 6:22 the day after the day…however I’m militant about my time. I work 6-2:30 errday which, I sincerely hope Ted Bundy or similar isn’t reading this mess but I’m pretty sure he was the dude who hid under the streets in New York and was a cannibal. No? surprise, I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. If no one has figured it out yet, I actually do have A.D.D and the struggle is real, ya'll. SO REAL. 

If anyone is here for the weight loss content I used to share, well, I have bad news. Remember the struggle bus I got on the week my brother died? STILLLLLLLLLLLL ON IT. I never thought I’d be able to go back to a life where I didn’t obsess over every calorie I consumed and workout I skipped. But here we are, in a world where zero fucks are given. To be fair (again) the pizza here is amazeballs (sorry Asheville but your pizza is garbage) and there are these places called “small cakes” and “nothing bundt cakes” and I’ll let you guess what those places sell, hint; it’s not weight loss supplements. As always I’m in a constant state of struggle between “weight loss” and “treat yo’self”, and balance is the key. If Darin happens to be reading this (hello old friend), he can attest that balance has always been an issue. I also have 2 years of workouts and nutrition plans in my Gmail account that I could refer back to at any point in time but that would make sense. I’m still quite far from my highest weight but also not at my lowest weight. I’d like to find a happy medium of food and exercise. I really, really miss Olympic lifting but my left shoulder will likely require surgery for that to happen and I’m not about to go through all of that just specifically to compete again. I mean eventually I’ll have to have the surgery anyway because I can’t raise my left arm above my head but that’s neither here nor there. I'll get around to going back to physical therapy eventually. Ironic, as I work for one of (if not THE) largest PT company in America. 

thanks for tuning in to this episode of "where the fuck has this girl been?!"

tune in next time for an unsolicited update on my life!