Shoulder pains and decisions.

My shoulders are basically destroyed. That's code for they hurt already so I can't wait to feel the pain, uh, pleasant feeling headed my way tomorrow morning. We started off with squats, again. I wish you all could see my face right now. oooooovvvveeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr them. Not only did we start out with squats, we started out with a circuit with 30/15 timing. 15 seconds is nothing. I mean, I would say I'm "used to it" from previous stuff/boot camp, but it just never gets any better. We did squats, cleans and presses, slams and this other thing I'm gonna call ins and outs just because there really isn't a name for it that I'm aware of. Then we did dead lifts which are becoming as tedious as squats. This is the part where I mention he lied, because on the first rep of the first set (I may have those words backwards, stranger things have happened), I felt like the right side was heavier than the left, and stopped for a second, then I had to do five more. I was only doing 5 per set with like 135 pounds. Which is good, apparently. I'm not a gym rat, a hood rat, or any kind of rat really, I'm just a small town girl living in a lonely world. That's the only Journey song I know. Anyways, I know I'm weird but you're still reading, so I win. I just do whatever he says and move on with my life. I trust him enough that I don't think he's gonna put like 650 pounds on the bar and be like, GO! He's good at what he does, so I just go with the flow. Today's flow sucked, but it is what it is. After the dead lifts, we did fronts and sides, which produce a nice burn and by nice I mean it felt like someone dumped gasoline on my shoulders and tossed a match on them. I guess that's the point but it's still not my jam. Then I did these weird things on the floor that I don't really care to explain. I guess that sounds rude but I don't know how to describe them without it sounding like a hot mess. which it was. He said when he was explaining them to me, it was a coordination thing, which at that point I was like, uh fabulous. Funny story,today when I was getting ready to leave work, I reached up to push my glasses up on my face like the nerd I am, and I literally busted my own mouth and made myself bleed. So, anything requiring coordination isn't really my cup of tea. However, that wasn't too bad. Then we did these 3 point rows, and I really have got to step up my drama. I have no idea how much weight I did the first set with but it "looked easy" so I got a new kettle bell (what a nice reward) that was approximately "one pood" in like Russian weight. I laughed for at least the first 4 reps on that set. Then I stopped because I wasn't sure I was going to be able to finish the 8 it was so heavy. I don't know why, but just say it "pood" and tell me you don't even laugh a little. If you don't,you're not doing it right. Then we stretched and it was my favorite time of the day. going home time. haha. Not that I don't love working with Darin, but going home means going to lay down. Which is my favorite activity, other than reading. Overall today didn't suck, but I did make a few faces when he had his back turned during the first circuit and the dead lifts. I can't help myself. I'm a sneaky snake at times.

Shockingly enough, I was literally starving to death by the time I got home today. I don't know what flipped that switch but I ate basically like I'd never seen food before for dinner. I had chicken and corn. Now all I want to do is go lay down and go to sleep which I'm sure is fabulous for my metabolism. I slept literally like 16 hours Friday night. I completely slept through boot camp, like, didn't even roll over any time close to 8:30. I think I woke up the first time at like 11:30 and then fell back asleep till 2 or so. Lets take our judging faces off. I worked like 958205 hours in a pay period and I needed to rest. It was REAL nice. I wish I could repeat this weekend every weekend but that would make me lazy. Which. Lazy doesn't = results.

It's confession time. I actually had/have an appointment to talk to a bariatric surgeon about lapband/gastric bypass. I don't think I'm going to go....yet.  I made the appointment when I was in a mood and being impulsive. I know this sounds dramatic but it really does suck working as hard as I do to basically have no progress on the scale. I know,the scale isn't everything. I really know that, but it's hard to process. I'm trying to convince myself to give this more time. I just have a hard time believing that this time will be different, and I know everyone is like "oh 40 pounds, I wish I lost that much" and all that, well that's cute but I've said it before and I'll say it again. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life and I didn't just wake up one day 40 pounds lighter. I've worked my ass off. This is the most I've ever lost a once and the longest I've ever stuck with anything like this. I just hate disappointing people/myself. Idk. It's way easier for me to write this stuff out than actually talk about it. We'll see what happens though. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Anyways, that's all for now. I'm going to combine my two favorite activities, and go lay down in my bed and read.

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