Today's workout was good times, kinda. If you haven't seen "shit women say to personal trainers" on YouTube, go watch. Then come back and you'll understand what I'm about to say. We started off with a 3 round not merry at all go round of 10 push ups and inverted rows. With no rest between anything. ALL WE DO IS PUSH UPS. seriously though I hate push ups. Then we did the squat and row and straight arm pulls and tricep pulls. Which my triceps still weren't feeling 100% from Wednesday. Darin said it best when he said the squat and row is like doing a wall sit without the benefit of the wall, and then rowing. Which I was telling Jennifer today, I would like to try like canoeing (is that a word?) but I'm afraid I would sink said canoe, then in turn because I can't swim, I would drown. So that's maybe something I could consider in the summer when beaver lake isn't frozen and I felt like a life jacket would fit around me. Anyways, then we moved on to standing on the damn bosu ball (it's not a stinkin ball. It's half of one) and doing bicep curls. On a scale of 1-fuck this, it was a solid I wish I had a knife to deflate this half of a ball or slit my wrists. Either way would have been cool with me. then we did the 45 degree lat pull down which is still my jam. Except my arms and back were and are tired. Supersetted with a friggen plié squat. Seriously. Fuck that. I hate squats with every fiber of my being and if I never do another one it will be entirely too soon. Then we did a plank, straight leg raises, crunches, 20 seconds of flutter kicks and these side to side crunches that made me feel like I was dying, in somewhat of a good way. It takes more to make me feel stuff now. Like more weight/reps.
I know all of the above makes me sound like I'm bitching, and I am. But this is still hard for me, and sometimes I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to go back to the way I was before with no activity and no thought to what I ate but I miss not having to do things I don't want to do. I have the princess mentality, and I get it. But this is a really hard thing to do, working out like there's no tomorrow (bad end of the world puns, for the win!) and trying to not gain weight and dealing with life. The world doesn't stop because I have things to do. Right now I'm focused more on not gaining, and I'm telling myself that if I can't get it together for "big" meals like dinner, through the day there's no snacking and I'm gonna drink a ton of water. I may be wrong with that thought process but at least it's not like I'm drinking a 2 liter of Mountain Dew (the way God intended man to hydrate themselves) during the day and eating a bag of Cheetos. Hopefully that's not what I like to call "fat girl trickery" where I trick myself (more like convince myself) that what I'm doing isn't all THAT bad when I know it is. My goal for this small break (I don't see Darin again till wednesday) is to make it to the gym at least twice, and not gain 61 pounds. I found a arm workout after consulting the google that I want to try. Except I'm not sure how its gonna work seeing as apparently the number of reps is lower because the weight is supposed to be heavier. Darin also said pushing to failure should happen, which I don't like (princess problems at their finest). I just don't like not being able to finish what I start. Annnnd I feel like people at the gym judge me when that happens, and when I put weight on the bar. Last time this little Asian boy who had on weight lifting gloves while he was squatting (I'm not an expert on them but I feel like you don't need those during that particular exercise) told me "I've never seen a girl work so hard in the gym" and then he said "if you need help lifting the weights (to put them on the bar for a chest press) I can help". So thanks to this little 80lb boy, he just confirmed my imaginary audience isn't so imaginary. I also feel like that was a backhanded compliment. Anyways. I'm not sure what the point of the story is, other than I'm still really bad at this whole gym thing and life is tough, haha.
Anyways. My arms shake anytime I try to put them above my head so I'm going to have to be creative when I wash my hair tonight. And if the world doesn't end tonight (there's still time!) I have to do my Christmas shopping tomorrow with the rest of Asheville. Though. I did find this shirt in target today and came thiiiiis close to getting it. I'm gonna make like a banana and split. Which sounds delicious right now. Ok. I'm out. ✌
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