Never the same.

who has had zero appetite all week? show of hands. This girl. I don't know why, either. I just don't want anything to eat OR drink. Which, the first day or two I kinda figured I would just deal with it, and now it's like I don't want anything. at all. Nothing sounds good, even cereal which, I LOVE cereal. It's legit one of my favorite foods. Darin suggested I try an isopure protein drink from the vitamin shoppe on tunnel. So, I ventured out today and got 2, a fruit punch and a blue raspberry. I don't know what the scientific name for nasty as hell is, but I think it's isopure. I tried the fruit punch first and it tastes a lot like cherry dentist water. Like you know how dentist water tastes different than the water you drink? it's just gross. I got MAYBE 3 ounces down before that was all she wrote. I tried drinking water in between sips of that, and then I tried chugging it. Um no. That almost became a fruit punch vomit eruption in my car. The taste of fruit punch will never be the same. Hawaiian punch is ruined forever. That may not be such a bad thing haha. After that, then I thought hey! I got a quest bar while I was there too, so maybe that would be better and that tasted like chewy cinnamon cardboard, and nothing like the cinnamon roll on the front. Which, I get it, it's not going to taste like it's from cinnabon. I think I maybe wasn't in the best state of mind to try that status post almost isopure vomit incident. I also just cleaned out my car, Rebecca is basically a pig and obviously thinks much like the tooth fairy, there is a car cleaning fairy that every so often washes and vacuums out the interior...I also hate throwing up so I decided to call it quits with the drink before I pushed my luck a wee bit too far.

Working out this week has been stressful. Mostly because I have this issue where I feel like I have to get everything "right" and if I'm not, then I'm in a constant state of anxiousness. I've gained 1.5 pounds, and this week I've kinda felt like I have to work extra hard in the gym/running to make up for that I guess. I know that not eating is the way to gain weight, but when you're not hungry, it's just not easy. I'm pretending for my sanity that it's water weight. I'm so tired, I feel like I NEED to take a day off and rest but I don't want to and sometimes I'm too stubborn for my own good. Like I still don't have an inhaler. Anywho I log all my workouts and such in my Lily planner, and today makes 16 days in a row of doing SOMETHING. Running, weights, Bikram Yoga, "regular" yoga etc. We'll see what happens this weekend. Moving on. Today was as fun as I allowed it to be, cleans and snatches were involved and that makes me happy. however. I can't say much for the faces I was making during the snatches....but at crossfit we never did snatches like that and these feel weird, the ones I learned at crossfit were apparently squat snatches. annnnd I wasn't aware there was such a thing/a difference. Then there was a lat pulldown which felt like it had about 5400 pounds on it. I think it was 70 but I was really tired. I'm just tired in general and my head hurts. Oh. I ran yesterday, and finally moved on to session 9 which is running for 1 minute and 5 seconds, and walking for 1 minute and 10 seconds. I finally broke the running for more than 60 seconds barrier! which. I know, right? that's good if you're an overweight fifth grade girl running on the playground. It's a rough life. I also watched a video on youtube and tried a kettlebell snatch in the privacy of the YWCA haha. My right wrist has the bruise to prove it. Coordination just isn't in my bag of tricks. Today we were doing some stuff on the step, alternating step ups I think was it, the alternating part throws me for a loop. I feel like I'm trying out for the 3rd string mini golf team. I don't know what I'm saying that doesn't even make sense. I'm just really not as coordinated as most people.

anywho, this shit show is my life. Things will get better, I just have to work a little harder. That's all for now, so with that. I'm out.
=]