Normal, whatever that means.

So, unfortunately this blog post may not be as funny as the rest. I'll spare ya'll the long and invasive version of the story and just put it like this. I've been having some issues that wouldn't go away since January. I've seen 3 different doctors and no one took me seriously. I didn't feel like anyone was listening or even trying to help. I finally found someone to take me seriously. Dr.Hawes at Asheville Women's. There were some tests and exams and now I'm going to have surgery in the next 2 weeks to biopsy and remove some things, and hope for the best. and pardon my french but I am stressed the fuck out. 1 short week ago my biggest worry was if I was going to have to do a ton of push ups during a workout. Now if it's I have cancer. I'm trying really hard to continue on as normal (whatever that means) but that's hard. I'm 23 years old. Dr.Hawes was very, very good about the whole thing but there's really no way to put someone at ease in that situation. Everyone has been beyond sweet to me, and I appreciate it. I'm trying to cope in more healthy ways than laying in my bed all day and not eating. I went to the gym on Thursday and I didn't really want to be there, but I told myself to just get going and if I was still mad/unhappy/etc in 30 minutes, I could leave. I found my new favorite form of cardio, which weirdly enough is walking. Who knew? I literally had to make myself get off the treadmill because people were waiting. I would walk for 1 minute, then the next minute for the first 30 seconds I would walk at a 3.3 speed and 2% incline, then the last 30 seconds I would walk at a 3.5 and 4% incline, then recover at a 3.0 and a 0% incline. My heart rate (I borrowed Rebecca's transmitter) kept in the high 140's, low 150's and my legs had a nice burn but I didn't feel like I was knocking on death's door as much as I did when I ran. I also did some pull ups, squats, incline presses and hammer curls among other things. I was happy that I was somewhat productive in the midst of being super stressed out. I told Darin on Wednesday I was gonna have poptarts and mountain dew for dinner but I talked myself out of it. I've been (as of today) 7 days without ANY kind of soft drink, including diet. Which, let's be clear I would drop somebody for a mountain dew right now but that's not the point. I told myself that pure sugar for dinner (let me just also say poptarts do have real fruit in them) wasn't going to fix anything. It would just keep me up all night (I am MUCH more sensitive to sugar these days) and so, while I wished it was poptarts and mountain dew, I had a turkey sandwich and some water. The only thing I've heard thus far is that they're still waiting on my insurance stuff, then they'll call me and schedule this mess. So. More waiting. Which let's be clear I hate waiting. But I'm also trying to tell myself that I'm not going to waste my life/weekend worrying when it will change nothing. So. We'll see how that works out.

Today's workout was lots of pulling and some weird bicep curls with these weird grips. I tolerated them, that's really the best way to put it. I didn't hate them but I certainly didn't love them. I did hammer curls at the YWCA yesterday and my biceps were a little sore anyways. I better have some guns when I wake up in the morning. Also i heard some jackass at the Y was giggling about "curls for the girls" and I'm not sure if he means so he can get girls or for his man boobs. I really don't know much but I feel like bicep curls aren't a chest exercise. But I'm obviously not a fitness expert. Anyways. Also at the Y I did the most awkward machine ever, the adductor/abductor one where you just can't look anyone in the eyes or you're a straight up creep. But the insides of my legs are sore and it's a weird feeling. Anyways back to today, there were some Z-squats and incline presses which are my favorite thing ever and I don't know why. The incline press not the squats, just so there is no confusion. I wouldn't want anyone to think I liked any kind of squat.

Anyways, that's really all I have to ramble about. Other than because of some medicine I'm taking, I'm like retaining water and I'm kinda afraid to weigh myself tomorrow. I feel like my scale will say "HELP" haha. I'm gonna try to do my usual routine and go to the gym tomorrow. I might do like I did Thursday and wing it, I burned 502 calories making it up as I went along. So. There you have it. Another installment of you just wasted 10 minutes of my life reading this incoherent mess comes to an end.