Change is in the air.

here we are again, time for another thrilling edition of this girl shouldn't be allowed in public.

All. Stinkin. Week. I have been disoriented. Like I've lived the entire week thinking it's been a different day than what it was and I don't know why. I am so confused. Also I made a bunch of food on Sunday and haven't eaten one. Single. Thing. That was any sort of fast food or nutritionally baron.  I feel way, way better. But what I would do for some poptarts and ice cream. 

I am not going to bitch about only having lost 106 pounds, for real. I'm not. I need the scale to move on a regular basis and it's not happening and I'm pissed, and that's all I'm going to say about that, other than Darin is right and I need another way to validate what I'm doing is working other than the scale. 

I hired a second trainer. what. what. what. princess Polly pocket here has 2 trainers? yes. yes I do. While this week is even better than last week in terms of nutrition, my leg workout + cardio suuuuuucks. I'm just in a weird funk about that kind of stuff, I like morning cardio (who the fuck knew?!) but post workout cardio, you can forget about it. So, I thought if maybe for a month or so, I had a once-a-week in person someone to kick my ass and not allow me to slack, maybe that would help. Enter stage right; Kevin Martin. Darin knew him from way back when, and I met him on Wednesday for a consult at Plank Fitness. ALL DAY I was completely fine, I wasn't nervous, I almost forgot about it. Thank God for iPhone reminders. Then when I drove in the parking lot I was like what in the holy hell am I doing?! but uh, too little too late. Kevin was a extraordinarily nice guy and seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying and also not like he was judging me from the word go. and the space is perfect. It reminds me of a crossfit box! which I will resume one day, but we went in his office and talked about goals and what I needed and what he thought he could help with, then I had to show him how I squat and lunge (bad, that's how) and then we agreed on 4:15 today. and as I write this (I write these in parts sometimes) I am scared. to. death. this is like session 1 with Darin, alllllll over again. Hopefully I won't vomit in the adjacent parking lot this time. true life I have crazy social anxiety. I could have done without those last two words. Ha. Jesus Henry. Anyways, I PR' d on the stair mill at 17 minutes, already 5 above my November goal. I have a legit love/hate with that machine. I like it for a little bit and I like how many calories it burns but DAMN it's hard. I'm trying to use at least 30 minutes of my 160 steady state a week on the stairs.

 

So in the process of writing this, I actually went to my workout with Kevin, and this is what went down.

TRX and deadlifts and planks (FML) oh myyyy. I had quite the post workout endorphin rush on the way home. I was lovin life. And I have since then crashed. 

 

First of all, jackass here FORGOT TO EAT. That has literally never happened to me. I specifically had greek yogurt and granola in my fridge at work. I ate half a banana and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter at 1pm, and I met Kevin at 4:15. I still cannot believe I forgot to eat and I sure as shit felt it too. Anyways, the gym itself is really cool. I like my machines at the rush but I also really liked the simplistic feel of plank. We started out with some overhead squats and leg swinging and foam rolling. Kevin was really patient and smart, and I like that he explained what the purpose of things were. I haven't had someone tell me what to do in the gym since May so it was weird to just do what I was told haha but he isn't like a bossy Barry. Though during the foam rolling I kept threats of suicide to myself. I hate nothing more than foam rolling. nothing on planet earth other than corn dogs. Thankfully that was fairly short lived. Then I got to use the TRX for the first time in my life and it's not my favorite thing on planet earth. We did bodyweight rows, back extensions then glute bridges on the stability ball. The TRX was weird to me. I just have this overwhelming "am I doing this right" feeling. Then deadlifts and lat pulls. LOVE me a deadlift. I legit hadn't done them in like 4 months. then we did some kettlebell swings and 30 second planks. I haven't done a plank since I don't know when and a 30 second high plank had me shaking like a newborn deer trying to walk. Jesus. It doesn't sound like a lot but it was, believe me haha. 590 calories in 55 minutes isn't too shabby in my opinion. I'm super happy with this choice and I don't think I could have found anyone better than Kevin to help me. Darin was right, once again.

 

I'm fairly sure I'm gonna be pretty sore tomorrow. I'm SO freakin tired and I'm tracking my food on fitness pal and I still have like 300 calories left for today. fabulous. I need more protein but I want popsicles. hmm. choices to be made. 

In unrelated news, I went to my brosef's grave for the first time since the funeral. I just sat down next to it and talked to him like I would if he were here. I know he heard me and I know I probably looked crazy as hell but it made me feel better for a second. I hadn't cried for like 5 days but oh well. Is it weird I think about stuff like I should bring a him a blanket because it's winter and it's cold? It's weird. But I did. I know some people don't agree or think it's real but I swear when I go to his room and sit down, in a couple minutes it's like I can feel something in the room change. Like he's there. And I just sit there in the calmness for a second and wish he were still here. But he is, in a way. 

Enough with the sappy and sad. 

 

anyways, here's to hoping I can get out of bed tomorrow. I'm off work tomorrow and Saturday (work Sunday, ugh) so I can finally go to the rush during the day when it's not busy as hell. with that, I'm off to find play a fun game of "if it fits your macros", ha. Just kidding I'm going to eat some greek yogurt and maybe try to study some of my ACSM stuff since I'm still in the nutrition chapter. where I started 2 weeks ago. yeahhhhhhh. I have to go do something productive. Like rid my DVR of "the voice" battle rounds :P and by "rid" I mean watch.