welcome back to the shit show I call my life. if this doesn't make sense, well, just forget you wasted 10 minutes of your life reading and go on about your day. it's fine.
but actually this week has not been so much a shit show, these last 4 days have been absolutely bangin for my diet and workouts. Except I ate a twix bar yesterday and didn't log it because, as you're about to learn, it's shark week. if you don't know what that means, well, you can go ahead and leave now. Also you know what the nutrition label on a twix wont tell you? how many fucks I didn't give about eating it. I also decided to weigh myself. My incredibly nice landlord didn't ask me any questions when I got my scale back. You know what a horrible idea it is to weigh yourself for the first time in 3 weeks-ish when it's that time? I have a bear in the woods near my house, and he tore up my trashcan (I hope the city of Asheville knows that's not my responsibility) and I think it might have been better for me to go fight him bare handed (see what I did there). I actually feel like I could right now because I am literally so crazy right now. Though, this was way before shark week, it's literally a miracle I haven't gotten shot yet, because I was going to walmart to get some food (like any good ashevillian would do) and this lady whips her car in front of me, pulls 100mph in to a handicapped space and gets out and might as well have been doing walking lunges in to the store and my window was down, and before I stopped myself I yelled "IS IT MENTAL?!" because really, I'm a bitch and I'm going to get shot one day. I also followed a lady on a huffy like 1/4 a mile down Hendersonville road with my horn blaring because she was literally, at FIVE PM ON THE BUSIEST PART OF THE ROAD, riding a HUFFY in the middle of the road. I'm in a Huyndai Santa Fe, I don't know if she knows or not but in "car vs bike" CAR ALWAYS WINS. I just hate people so much and I know people hate me. It's inevitable. I have to get my transmission flushed on Saturday (I feel like I'm flushing like 100 dollars down the shitter) and I just bought the Florida Georgia Line CD I've been buying 1 song at a time. Some things never change.
Anyways, back to the real story. Sans the twix bar yesterday, I've done really well. Macros tracked, and I've pretty much stayed on track. Problem is, I get SO paranoid about not having "enough" left for dinner, I live off poverty macros at work and pre-workout. Like 600 calories from 7a to 6p. Then I end up having a organized binge for dinner. I'm trying to work on that. Darin changed all my workouts because I think I have ADD. I focus so hard at work trying to learn all this insurance stuff and allscripts and when I leave work my brain is fried, so anything that requires any kind of thought it like asking me to solve a rubix cube. Like in a reply to one of my emails, Darin wrote "sonofa" and I seriously racked my brain for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out what that word was and then I laughed out loud when I realized he meant "son of a".......that's the level I was on when I left work today. You know how "two chainz" name is "two chainz"? well other than "lay-z", I refer to myself as "too tired" most days.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn’t so weird. Don’t lie, I see the world differently than most people do I mean if I didn't would there really be a need for this blog? I wonder if Darin knew what he knows now, if he would still take me on as a client, because I’m sure he didn’t plan on dealing with this level of crazy for almost 2 years now. Which. What. I mean, I’ve only lost like 100 pounds-ish in two years-ish but that’s life. I didn’t gain 100 pounds and I’m sure as shit a lot smarter than I was 2 years ago about what I’m doing. I’ve lost 12 pants sizes and 3 shirt sizes. I would do a from then to now comparison with my pants but a few months ago there was a fire that destroyed this lady’s home (I didn’t know her personally, my friend Jocelyn was the go-between) and she happened to need the size pants I used to wear, so I gave them all away.
Anyways, these blogs never really go in any direction other than everywhere, but that's what's on my mind at the moment. that and what I'm going to eat for dinner. I would pretty much kill a bus full of blind orphans on the way to church for some Chinese food right now. but alas, I will not become a serial killer tonight, unless my neighbor doesn't shut her barking dog up. I might feed it to the bear that's around here somewhere. I'm a horrible human being this week. maybe next week will be better. who knows..
and everyone lived happily ever after and drank all the mountain dew in the world, ate all the strawberry frosted poptarts they could ever imagine and never had to do a bit of cardio. and everyone lived skinnily I mean healthily every after amen.
KBYE.
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