Back at it.

time for another installment of wow this is getting ridiculous.

 

you know what's weird?  other than me asking rhetorical questions because obviously none of you can answer this as I type it. nothing still feels real, or normal. I don't know why I expected things to go right back to normal. my brother died, not my pet slug. Well, I say nothing feels normal except for one thing. my legs being sore as hell. I woke up Friday morning and felt a little bit of relief that even though in a moment, everything in my life changed, that didn't. I feel like the days drag by, but it's already been 11 days. It still hurts, a lot. I honestly never thought I could feel like this. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I'll just start crying at random times, like Friday morning I was driving to get gas and I just thought about the fact that my brother won't be here when I get married and have kids. My kids won't have a crazy uncle Zach, and vice versa, any kids he may have had won't have a crazy aunt Nessie. every Christmas my nanny tries to go and buy me a gift (even though I explain I want cash money as a gift) and this year there will be no one to stop her from buying me popcorn scented lotion from JC Penny, like she always wants to. I guess I'll get to smell like a movie theater for a while. I feel like this has to get easier eventually. I'm really, really tired these days and I'm trying to get "back to normal" as quickly as possible but that's hard too. I'm living on the struggle bus. It's turning in to the struggle mobile home. 

 

speaking of. here's an attempt to get back to the regular programming of snark and sass. Like the fact that every 10 seconds at The Rush, there is a major accident waiting to happen. that is actually being facilitated by a "fitness coach"....which let's be clear, a couple of them need to hit up the skin care isle in walmart and find this miracle face wash called clearasil. Ya'll definitely aren't 17, you shouldn't have zits like that. There's also a couple girl "fit coaches" at The Rush that decided Nike pro's are wonderful attire for parading around the gym and cooking up crazy as shit exercises in. I saw one man pulling around a battle rope that had kettlebells tied to the end of it. He was pulling it around like kids drag around blankies. He wasn't running, he was taking a leisurely walk. Let's be clear, some of the stuff Darin cooked up, I questioned. like squats, but he never made me do anything outright retarded. some of it was incognito, but we were also in a private gym where there weren't 100+ people on cardio equipment staring. While we're talking stupidity, I don't know why the ONLY Jacob's ladder is literally infront of all the cardio stuff. So if you're the poor sap on the ladder, you have an audience of approximately 70 people who have no other choice but to watch you. The main problem I have with the rush, other than the obnoxious play doh smell, the fact it looks like a color blind 7th grader painted it and their employees, is how many people are there when I need to do my workouts. Tuesday was a MESS, as was Wednesday. I tried that back/tricep workout twice and it just didn't happen. I did half on each day but it seemed like every person on planet fitness (see what I did there?) needed every single thing I needed it, when I need it and then Darin threw in a hammer strength iso row thing that was "awesome" and I couldn't find it so I started crying again. I would have laughed at me if I had been watching. It's fine. I'm still a mess, and the rush is still new. There were also this group of massive boys and I say boys like they're 15. They're likely in their early 30s, but they're bro's and they will likely hurt themselves soon but they were legit standing around the cables and the close grip row machine talking, and I couldn't bring myself to even near that side of the gym. The leg workout could all be done in the "ladyz" room minus the leg press, which didn't get done because of that same reason. Every bro in asheville was leg pressing 9205892 pounds (my current weight) and the other leg press machine was out of order. Today is a brand new shoulder and bicep workout. Hopefully I can stay out of the basketball court long enough to knock that out. shoulders and biceps are my favorite exercises. Lateral raises and bicep curls. end of list. Darin really does have his work cut out for him.

 

Also. Darin reluctantly approved a can of mountain dew for post workout carbs. I was really pleased, especially because it gave me some motivation to at least attempt that leg workout. I gagged through a vanilla protein shake which btw I NEED a new flavor, and then I got a mountain dew, and gagged on the first sip. The vanilla protein stank taste was still in my mouth. I haven't had a Mountain Dew since. It may have ruined them forever and I'm gonna be pissssed if that's the case.

 

Anyways. I may go back to school in October. I've been saying that for like a year, but I neeeeeeeeed to at least take an online class but I suck at them. I'm a procrastinator...but I'm also social anxiety Susie and I dont want to take a night class because I also skip class a lot. have I mentioned how much of a mess I am? yeah. I think if you've followed this blog for any length of time, you already knew that. But, that's what I've got going on at the moment. My next blog will be when I actually hit the -100 mark, I'm still hanging out at 98lbs lost, or next Saturday. Whichever comes first....so, until then my friends. :) lets all cross our fingers it's the -100 pound blog.