okay so before I begin to explain this week, let's talk about some stuff.
first of all, calling me 18 times in 30 minutes after you practically molest me in the parking lot of the olive garden isn't the way to win me over. Classy. I seriously pushed this dude off me, TWICE and he continued his lewd and lascivious behavior, I drew back to give him a right hook, Zach Freeman style. If Zach did ANYTHING in his 25 years on this earth, he taught me how to throw a punch and held a refresher course every year. that's the only class I got perfect attendance in, mother fuckerrrrrs. I've never had to do use that particular skill because I generally will sass someone to death but I was never more ready in my life, but he finally got the hint. Then when I got home he binge called me enough to where I had to change my number. Again, general housekeeping announcement, if you don't have it and would like it, leave a comment here or connect with me on the facebook. If you don't want me to text you, then just remain silent and hope I forgot about you. mmmk. Oh and the dude wasn't 31 he was closer to 40. aka closer to my mom's age than mine. which I find repulsive. I don't find people of a certain age repulsive unless it comes to dating. Again, my blog my rules. Sorry if you're older than 33ish. no can do.
speaking of no can do. no can do anything. haha, seriously I had such a rough week anxiety wise with everything. BUT! I do have some news. Today was my 3 year anniversary in the ER, and well, April 7 is my first day not in the ER haha. I took a job doing insurance stuff off site! So there's that. I got a new bed, and I was terrified last night I was going to break it. Long story short when I was at my heaviest I broke a couple lawn chairs because I exceeded the weight limit and well, yeah, sad story bro, but anyways I pretty much have PTSD and sometimes feel like I'm going to break everything I sit on so last night for like an hour I sat in my floor and cried because I was afraid I would break my bed. I don't know why I got so fixated on that but damn, it was kind of a mess. I finally just said...well. I'm never gonna know till I lay on it...and well, it didn't break. it didn't even squeak in protest when I laid down. hallelujah.
anyways, I went to spin on Sunday, then lifted Monday, zumba on Wednesday and then did a short metcon tonight that Darin wrote. It ACTUALLY wasn't as bad as it looked. I've stopped wearing my polar heart rate monitor, if you've been missing the standard required selfie, calorie burn and motivation quote from someone else's IG on my IG. I just can't deal with it anymore, like I get so damn fixated on how many calories I eat, how much I don't eat, how many calories I burn, my weight, my body fat percentage as calculated by this thing I got off amazon Darin told me not to buy because this is exactly what would happen IT'S LIKE HE CAN SEE THE FUTURE. ha. seriously though. I don't know when exactly I'm going to learn to listen to el jeffe. that's Spanish for the boss. though he's just the boss of nutrition and fitness. aka life. I don't know why I can't stop being stupid.
Darin said in one of the many emails exchanged this week:
"I reeeeallllyyyy want you to sit back and appreciate this stuff for what it is- a chance to figure things out and learn about your body. BUT I also understand the impatience, etc, so I'm not going to ask you to just smile and accept a daily shit show as a fact of life. But I would encourage you to look at where you are now and enjoy the moment for what it is- an improvement over where you were."
SO. Today I was thinking. The number on the scale hasn't gone up THAT significantly, I mean I'm 98% sure the few pounds I do see on the scale are water weight because God knows I didn't hit a gallon once this week, but. I also don't think I've done as much damage because I'm a weee bit smarter than I was, say, a year ago. Because now, even when I'm just picking "the lesser of the evils" / eating in the cafeteria/ getting fiscally raped for sub-par food, I'm a little smarter about it. I'm thinking, well, If I get chicken that can be protein, and it looks like about 4 ounces so that's 120ish calories and 20g of protein, and I can get a small salad and watch the cheese/dressing/fats, and I'll drink water, but oh they sell poptarts up here, lettuce is basically calorie free, avoid all colorful veggies, Jesus knows they can't touch anything on this plate or I'll just have throw this all away plate included, okay just get some water and don't even think about mountain dew. your kidneys are probably still working on processing the amount you drank in 1998 MOVE ON NESS! the point being made here (there is one?) I do see that a year ago I would have said fuck it and got some poptarts and mountain dew and maybe some cheese fries and moved on with my life and not have went to the gym. I have a chance to improve little by little and maybe instead of beating myself up over not being so consistent, I can be a little happier than while I'm not where I want to be, thank God I'm not where I was.
though that's not a free pass. My sweet friend Kirsten sent me a fucking AUTOGRAPHED DANA LIN BAILEY POSTER. God bless her sweet sweet soul. It says "show the world who the fuck you are" on it, and she sent me a bottle of superHD and bad news is, I didn't eat anything ALL DAY. Apparently it's also an appetite suppressant. whooooooooooops. So, yeah. It's been a little crazy these last couple weeks but I WILL get better. Maybe not tomorrow, but little by little becomes a lot. Hell, I didn't lose 100lbs in 10 day, and I won't gain 100 in 10 days. It doesn't work like that. So, with that my friends, tomorrow is always a new day. Zumba and spin this weekend! let me say, Alan is my FAVORITE instructor at the rush. I literally laughed out loud when we were doing jump lunges and I never even crack a smile doing lunges, I mean who the hell does, but I think it was a pitbull song on and because I'm slower at switching my feet, I don't know if that's really true but that's what it feels like because we all know elephants don't jump, anyways, I was jumping rather high and Alan was like "shoutout to the girl in the back with the sweet tats jumping higher than me!" ha. I died laughing then was embarrassed because then everyone was watching me in the mirror and that's like my worst nightmare. group fitness classes are a hit or miss, but alan has the best music and is incredibly funny. So! if I'm awake in time (don't judge me for not setting an alarm) i'm gonna hit that up in the morning. Maybe that can be fasted cardio. Hell I don't know. I just know that my alpha aminos taste like artificial sweetener and so does that nasty cake batter protein. ugh. I'm PISSED that it's gross. BUT anyways. Long story short, I also hit 160 on the seated leg extension for 3x8, 135 on lying leg curls and 12.5s on lateral raises haha what a letdown, right? but I love lateral raises so that's okay.
anyways, I'm on a sugar high DON'T ASK ME WHERE I GOT IT but I'm off to watch some TV and get ready to sleep in for the first time in a long time. If you have any questions, feel free to not ask me them. and this blog had 20k views over it's lifetime. I don't know which of you is reading and rereading but I don't think 20k people have seen this literary masterpiece or I feel like I'd be locked up in a psych unit. but that's neither here nor there.
see ya'll next week. stay buff and stuff. I feel like that's how I should end this from now on. How do we feel about this? feel free to keep your comments to yourself. or you know. let me have it.
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