Less merry, more go round.

Today I'm going to focus on the good. And that is, today is over.

I'm not sure what's happening but I think this break from the gym is needed. And by gym I mean this 4 days a week of insanely intense thing I have going on that is finally catching up with me.

My attitude today wasn't the best. And by that I mean I'm rather surprised I didn't get slugged. In all fairness I deserved it. I let things get to me when they shouldn't and I accept that. We started out with a couple rounds of this step+kickback thing that made my butt hurt more than it did already. Then we did 3 really less than merry go rounds of kettle bell swings, push press and push ups. Fuck. This. Shit. Was actually what was going through my mind when I wasn't thinking about just saying fuck it, I'll be fat forever. Then after that, we did 3 point planks, shoulder taps, these push ups where you go down as slow as you can, and the transverse crunches. The push ups bothered me the most because at one point I literally couldn't get myself back up to do it again. And that embarrassed me. 2 rounds of that. On a 1-10 my anxiety was a raging 14. I could have crawled out of my skin and I'm not sure I'm not going to now. It's a miserable feeling that I can't shake. There was a lot less merry and more go rounds today. Which. I'll take the blame for that. Daddy always said your actions say more than your words ever could. I should have, in the words of my sweet friend Mary, suck it up buttercup! Lesson learned. The hard way, again. Do we see a pattern?

Jennifer and I have plans to go to the gym tomorrow. I've maintained for the last 2 weeks or so, and haven't lost anymore weight which sucks but I know it's because my eating has went from nice, planned out and somewhat healthy to just whatever I can find at work. I know a few bad days can't ruin this lifestyle change but I feel like I'm just not with it anymore. I'm not sure what to do because I feel like I'm wasting my time as well as Darin and Jennifer's because I'm not doing what I should be the other 23 hours a day I'm not at the gym. If I were them I would probably cut my losses and call it a better day haha. Less drama!

I won't see Darin until next Thursday, due to schedules and vacations. So I'll probably blog once or so towards the end of the week basically just to keep myself halfway accountable so I don't just lay on my couch all week, even though that sounds like a great plan right now.

All I know is that right now, I'm just going to bed and when I wake up, today will be the past and it will be a new day. And then I'm off work Thursday haha. Bad news is, pretty sure I'm developing an ear ache. I'd rather avoid staff health if at all possible. Oh well. We'll see what happens.