so, lots has changed in the last 2 weeks. for the better, actually. my hair is getting long again, my gas tank is full and I have graham crackers in my house. all of the above are wins, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm about to hit ya'll with some seriousness. get ready.
It happened when this thought hit me. I have the rest of my life to get "good" at being healthy. Hear this, it's not a cop out for doing "bad"....but i started thinking (very, very dangerous) but WHY am I so worried about how many times a week I go to the gym and how much protien I eat and how much water I drink. Yes, those are important things but they're not anything I need to stress myself out over to the point that I cry, or I get nauseated...because that's what was happening. This shouldn't be THAT stressful, but I make things that way. I overreact and stress out over the tiniest things. It's okay to take my health seriously but to not be able to enjoy anything I do anymore is unacceptable to me. I'm ALL about laughing and having a good time no matter where I am. If you've known me for any amount of time at all, I love a good inappropriate joke, and my wit is one of my favorite things about me and I felt like I lost that this last month. That I hated getting out of my car at the gym because of all the stuff I "had" to do, and the calories I "had" to burn. I get obsessive with my polar heart rate monitor pretty quickly, I've discovered. If I wear it on days I decide that I'm going to do heavy weights, like I can legit only do 6 reps of something, I don't burn a lot of calories so I felt like it was a wasted trip...even though I'm builiding muscle and I'm sore as can be the next day.
I joined weight watchers almost 2 weeks ago, and I love it. I feel 100x less stressed out then when I was trying to follow a meal plan. I just eat when I'm hungry and don't when I'm not. Which has turned in to about every 4 hours, which is fine. I love the meetings that I go to because it's people from all walks of life, who have lost weight with weight watchers, those just starting out or people who are in the middle of their journeys. I love the lady who leads my meetings, Judy. She's really funny and she makes you feel comfortable. All it takes to make me like you is for you to be funny. End of list. I haven't shared that I've already lost 90 pounds, so they all think I'm just starting out. Weight watchers just allows me to lose weight (3.4 pounds last week) by eating the foods that I already like. Now, I'm not stupid. I learned SO MUCH working with Darin and I'm making better choices. While fruit is techincally 0 points, I'm not going to eat pineapples and grapes all the live long day and instagram pictures about a 0pp day. Poptarts are unfortuantely 12 points per pack which is a shit ton....which means no, I will not be eating those all the live long day either. But it just makes everything feel easier to me. I still measure out my food, and I still try to eat vegtables and complex carbs instead of simple carbs but if I get tator tots in the cafeteria my life isn't over. Hear me loud and clear. Darin never, ever, ever, ever, ever, never, ever made me feel like if I got tator tots in the cafeteria I'm a failure. I did that to me. This is all my crazy-make believe-perfection standard ideas in my noggin. but I feel more at ease doing this because even if I have a bad week, there are 51 other weeks in a year to get it "right". "Tracking" is very reminscent of myfitnesspal, except unfortuantely it doesn't give you the macro breakdown of your food...but you can't really count calories and points because it never really adds up (to me anyways, I'm really bad at math) but in the calcuator you put protien, carbs, fats and fiber...it's really just a pricey way of counting macros, but it makes me feel better and that's what's up.
another announcement...yours truly here is running the color run in Charlotte on October 19th, with my new friend from Instagram, Kirsten. She's on Darin's bodybuilidng team and we started talking on instagram and boom. we're going to be running partners. Once I figured out that I could run a mile (a really slow mile, mind you)....all I want to do is run. My friend Chelsea and I went on a 3.5 mile run (with some walking on my part) through carrier park on Wednesday night. I almost died, but I did it which made me realize that I won't actually keel over dead during a 5k, and won't be crossing the finish line after everything is packed up and gone. I also realized that I won't be the only other person who may have to walk some of it. I have until October 19th, so I plan on running 4-5 days a week and lifting 3-4 days a week. Yeah, not such an ideal split but I'm not doing anything in the gym anymore. I hit legs MAYBE once a week....or I'll go to extremes and do nothing but legs one day so much I can barely walk the next day and then won't do another squat for a week. Balance. It's about finding that balanced equation (11th grade chemistry class flashback!) of food and exercise that works for me and I'm actually having fun finding it. I've learned a ton about myself in the process. Like that I like to run outside. I generally hate the outdoors and say "i'm not an animal, I prefer the indoors" or something snarky to that effect. I like running the lake in Weaverville and I'm excited about trying new places. I also have been a weirdo at the gym and been doing whatever I wanted. and that strangely enough included a bicep curl drop set and a leg extension drop set and I seriously think I'm the only person to ever grunt (involuntarily...I hate people who make a ton of noise at the gym) doing 15 pounds on the extension machine.
Really.
I think coming to the realization that if I only lose 1 pound per week, that's still FIFTY TWO POUNDS in a year. 52 pounds is a lot, and yes I would like to lose 90 more this year, but so far it's looking like that's not gonna happen. which is okay because I have the rest of my life to lose this weight. Nothing spectacular is going to happen when I see 140ish on the scale. No fireworks, no mariachi band, maybe a few tears but really. Life will still be the same, except I'll be healthier. So why not chill the fuck out and be okay with where I am? I know there's a difference between that and getting complacent and I get it, but being happy in this moment is more important than a number on a scale. Honestly, I could drop dead before I see 140 on the scale and I don't want to look back over my life and feel like I wasted these years waiting for better ones. So, I ended a blog post around this time last year with the a wish to be happier and healthier by the time I turned 23, and I made it happen. I want to be happier and healthier by the time I'm 24, and I will make that happen. I'm down 92 pounds, I have 8 more to go before that -100 mark (and epic party that will take place) and my goal is to have that done before my birthday, and I will make that happen (with a little help from my friends, of course). With that, I'm off for a 3 miler today at the lake!
No comments:
Post a Comment