I'm still hereee

so it's been a minute longer than I thought. whoops. I'm still alive and kickin.

but i'm back.

and not in video form. that is kinda a pain in my ass and I ramble a lot more on video and I have no earthly idea how to edit them on this HP. so, we go back to using our pequino ojos to read this literary masterpiece. I know you all missed me.

I work in a pretty large building with the majority of my coworkers being women. That being said, someone somewhere in the building is always on a diet. and talking about a diet. Until you get to know me, it's pretty safe to say I'm (fairly) shy and quiet and I always think you should listen any chance you get. Everyone has something important to say (if it is true, relevant to you, or you agree with it is a whole different story) and people will always tell you more than they want you to know. Always. So, I overhear a lot of what people do in order to lose weight. Cleary I am not one to judge, but it's so hard for me not to just yell PLEASE DONT to people. "I don't really care how much fat is in this salad dressing, just about the calories", "I'm eating 1100 calories a day and have lost 8 pounds in 5 days", "i'm only eating cabbage soup", "I don't eat carbs.". I'm not a know it all by nature (okay maybe), and I certainly don't know everything about nutrition but I'll tell you what I have learned. If you don't like it, you're not going to keep it up. If it's super restrictive, good luck maintaining your weight loss. If you cut out carbs completely, Jesus take the wheel. Carbs are the limiting energy substrate, and you start to feel like shit, I assume at least for the first few weeks. I know some people function okay like that. From what I know of the paleo diet, I think it's pretty low carb (don't quote me on that) but I don't think I'm running on too much of a carb deficit (actually according to myfitnesspal I KNOW I'm not) at the moment so I'm fine. Actually, today I just completely said fuck it and didn't even put forth an effort and my numbers have plummeted. I'm usually around at least 125 of protein (today I've had 48), 140 carbs (today I've had 195) and 60 fat (today I've 38)...I think we all know where those carbs came from. lime green liquid. But anyways, I'm not here to confess my sins as I am not catholic nor do I want to be. I just am finding it harder and harder to keep my trap shut when I hear this ridiculous stuff because I don't understand how it doesn't sound ridiculous to anyone else. There is more to food than calories. I learned that the hard way, and it's okay because I learned it. I guess everyone has to do their own thing and find what works for them, I'm just saying I have to grit my teeth often.

anyways, on somewhat of the same note, let's talk about something else. 2 years in June. I've been going to the gym somewhat, like 80 percent consistently for 2 freakin years. what. If you had asked me when I first started where I thought I would be in 2 years, I would have said 125lbs and perfect. HA. First of all my dead, lifeless, dehydrated body will likely not weigh 125lbs. I'm almost 6 feet tall. Second of all, I would look emaciated. aka not attractive/healthy. I've pretty much lost around 30 pounds this year (june 13- june 14), and to be honest while I'm a little pissed, I'm okay with that too because a lot has happened in the last year. #1 being my brother died, and that will shake you up a bit, and I've moved out and gotten a new job. Life happened. I also have gotten a little more muscles and gotten better at a few things. Still no push ups, and likely there will never be a push up done ever again if I have anything to do with it. I can deadlift 185 two times, I still can't bench much more than the bar, and I learned to back squat (thanks Kevin!) and front squat, I tried crossfit again and almost died (again), I mean there's still a lot to be proud of. Mostly that I haven't just said fuck it completely, which some days I feel like doing. I just should probably calm down. There are two days in your life you can't do anything about. Yesterday and tomorrow. So my focus is on doing what I can today, and we'll see how that goes.

So, I think we all know once I get on something, I get carried away and currently it's mobility. WEIRD. Because usually I could give a fuck less about stretching and all that jazz. I'm just being honest. But anyways, I found this dude named Kelly Starrett (I think) the guy that does MobilityWOD videos) and my right shoulder has been killing me lately and I don't know why, so i'm all up on that. I bought some tennis balls and a lacrosse ball, and that shit is no joke btw. I act like now i'm a physical therapist and know everything and have all this crazy shit i'm trying to do to fix it. Like I know what the hell I'm doing. ha. but today I was trying to sit up straight at work because I sit in some WEIRD positions at work because I sit all day at my desk (and walk to the printer like 200 times an hour....maybe like 2 times in reality) but anyways, I sat up straight for like 3 minutes and was like. WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDS HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK. I can't function like that. I usually sit with one of my legs under me, leaning forward on my left elbow looking up at my computer screens. That's basically yoga. that's what it counts as, I've decided. But anyways, that's what I'm focused on right now. we'll see how long that lasts. ha. if I could get focused on cardio I'd be golden. I'm still trying to swim and i'm actually getting a little better at it. I can swim like half a lap before I feel like dying.

Anyways, that's where we at right now. I bought a jar of nutella and that was probably the worst idea I've ever had because now I just want to eat it by the spoonful every time I go in the kitchen. I need there to be a rule, like anything you eat after 7pm doesn't count. Like a black hole for macros. But alas, I guess until I figure out how to make a black hole, I'm out of luck. I need new music for my gym playlist so if anyone has any suggestions FEEL FREE TO LEAVE THEM. Because I am so sick of what I have on my "lift all the things!" playlist on spotify.

with that, I'm off to go see the wizard. Just kidding, I'm going over to Pam's tonight. and avoiding this jar of nutella like the plague. I don't know why I bought it. really. ANYWAYS. bye.