The beginning of the end?

So. I've debated on even writing this blog because apparently it's passive aggressive. Which is 100% not my aim. Like I didn't start this blog for any reason other than because I like to write and I had another blog since I was 19 I think. So this could be the last post. I haven't decided. I like writing, it's very helpful for me to get things out and not keep it all in and I like making people laugh. I'm not like offended/upset that anyone said it was passive aggressive, it's just not the point of this blog and now I'm insanely self conscious about it and it makes me feel bad because I don't want to offend anyone (for the most part) and don't want to be "that girl".

So. Today's worked out sucked. I'm still not 100% sure how I survived and how I'm still functioning at this point. We started out with a not so merry go round of dead lifts, push and presses and total body extensions. 3 rounds. 3 long rounds. 9 minutes. I'm not super sure about the timing because I was mostly wondering how much force it would take to knock myself unconscious with a 8lb dumbbell. Had I know what was to follow I most likely would have. Then we did this even less merry go round of goblet squats, push ups, a plank, kettlebell swings, these things where you hold a dumbbell away from you and twist side to side, and I feel like I'm missing something. That was like 35/25 timing. Had we done another round of that I was ready to just say forget it I'll be fat forever. I'm going home to lay in my bed and eat chips and read. Then Darin says "let's do some cardio" and it really took all I had not to just be like um what the hell do you call what we just did?! We did mountain climbers, plank to pike, high knees, jumping jacks and I think this other weird squat where you bring your hands up at the end. I don't know. At that point I was just ready to give up. Like if there's one thing you should know about me is that I generally am pretty type A personality and I'd say I'm high strung. It doesn't take much to upset me as I'm sure you all have figured out. Well during these exercises there were a few times I had to stop because I just couldn't do it anymore and that bothers me beyond belief. Like. I'm not even sure how to put in to words how like. I don't know. I guess embarrassed and frustrated are the two best words. Mostly because I've worked out like 54 times and I feel like I should be able to do better than that.

Then after that ass kicking workout, we go outside and apparently my tire is almost flat. Thank God Jennifer knows how to deal with things like that. I was as lost as Ray Charles on the freeway.

That's just how I feel about things today. Rebecca has too much free time on her hands and put together a before and "now" (I won't say after because no matter what happens I'll never see my highest weight on a scale again. Ever.) picture and suggested I post it. While I'm talking about how I feel, I don't love either picture and I don't feel like there is a ton of difference in them but here's to hoping.

I'm off to lay down and ponder the world and thank God for a 3 day weekend. And yes, I'm aware of how passive aggressive all this sounds but right now I don't care. If I do decide to continue and go to boot camp Saturday, I'll post then. If not, it was fun while it lasted.