That being said, today sucked harder than a 2 dollar whore on nickel night. I'm not sure if it was because I was in a kinda shitty mood from this atrocious haircut and all I heard all day is "oh did you get a haircut?" no. I washed it in the shower and it shrank. That's what I've been dying to say to people all day, but that's rude. I also hate when people tell me "oh it looks good". Whatever. Not to discount everyone else's opinion but Edward Scissor hands is apparently working at the Asheville mall these days and this isn't what I asked for. However. tears and bitching don't make my hair grow any faster. So I just have to deal with it. It was also a full house at O3 today which isn't my jam. I don't like working out with an audience. I know everyone was doing their own thing, but I'm just weird. Anyways. So. I did three sets of these shoulder things. One was a pull down, straight arm pulls and these things that reminded me of starting a lawn mower. That was legit. Then. We did this circuit of figure 8s, push and presses, slams and squats. We did it twice through. then we did it another 2 times through and I was ready to just say fuck this. I quit. That was legit the closest I've came to that. I also felt the rumbling of the leftovers of my burrito from Moes trying to make it's way back up. At that point my already iffy attitude took a downhill turn. He said "lets go outside" but it was just to get some air. He asked what the "easiest" exercise of that was and Jennifer said squats because there wasn't any weights. There was plenty of weight to squat. plennnnnnnty. I don't think I really answered because I was being a brat. Sadly though, when we went inside and did some step ups and push ups. If I have to do one more push up, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I can cut one arm off 127 hours style but I'll have to find a willing participant to cut the other. I think I was supposed to do fifteen, the first time I did, then I think I got 10 before I thought I was going to die. That happened a couple of times today, actually. I hate push and presses as much as pretty much anything at this point. If I never did another one, I'd be completely fine with that. At this point, I'm over exercising in general. When I got out of my car when I got home, my first thought was "ow" and "seriously? fuck my life". At this moment, I dont care how much weight I've lost or about anything other than going to bed. Today has been rough and I'm over it.
I feel kind of better now that I've gotten all this out. I'm coping with the fact that when I get in the shower, I may not be able to wash what little hair I have left and I wont feel great in the morning. I feel like this post is a necessary evil in that some people seem to think this whole journey is just pupple snuggles and unicorn blessings and that since I've lost "so much weight" it should be "easier" now. No. Its not. I still want foods that I know are super bad for me. I miss mountain dews something awful. This sucks right now and while I'm on this whole rant, I'm over food logging. 120 days of it. I don't really care to know how many calories half a cup of 2% milk has in it, but I know because I've logged it 100 days of the 120. It's 61 if anyone is interested. Now. Let's also be clear. I've done entirely too much and stuck with this wayyy too long to give up now. I'm tired of starting over trying to lose weight because the next time I start over will be with gastric bypass. So. I go to bed on the note that tomorrow is a new day. and hopefully it comes with a new attitude.
Special thanks to Jennifer Champion and Darin Starr for putting up with my attitude and not giving me a swift kick in the face even though I absolutely deserved it today.
goodbye and goodnight.
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